From the four corners of the globe (to some a literal remark!) came the four Great Minds of the times to discuss that which is most important to be determined: Reality itself. The topic of the day would have profound implications upon the entire planet, shaping the course of lives and nay, even history itself. With solemn reverence the men were escorted to their seats showered by fawning flash bulbs. The subject: What Shape the Earth?
In fairness, each speaker was given equal time to present his case. Square Man lectured first. "The earth, as you can see here by my chart, is a perfect square. With equidistant lengths between all points, shipping costs will be greatly reduced as well as a much greater ease of navigation will be introduced. This is a revolutionary concept, completely changing our global paradigm! And as you can see from my second chart, a square earth is in actuality not that far from a circle.”
Next was Trapezoid Man. “I think you will see the trapezoid as the best point of view because it takes some of the best features of the square yet is far more pragmatic. With only
one pair of parallel sides, we are thus free to shorten the distances at one end where perhaps the population density is higher and lengthen it at the other where the populace is sparse. This trades some of the square’s ease of navigation for more efficient shipping routes. Sheer genius! Also, a trapezoid in its totality is just as close to a circle as a square.”
The third mind of brilliance stood. “It is the rhombus that is the most accurate assessment of our planet's shape, offering the navigational order of a square but with the adjustability of not requiring 90 degrees in all corners, brilliantly giving a flexibility to allow for geography and commercial centers. I have calculated many esoteric and complex formulas comparing the rhombus I present to you here today with a circle, fabricating us the true ideal shape of our dear terra firma.”
The moderator then motioned for the last speaker to give forth his enlightenment. He shook his head and rose. “You people are fucking morons! The earth is
round, you know it’s round, you contrast your points of view with a round circle and yet you pretend it’s
not round! You idiots have
no concept of reality!”
The refutations were immediate and brimming with conviction. “It’s
you who has no concept of reality! You speak only of a self-serving point of view that serves
you and not the world! Something that makes
you look good and does
not serve the greater good of mankind! You are the worst kind of hypocrite, sir, pretending to help but merely proposing “solutions” that bring decimation!”
“But I speak the truth! Does that count for nothing? Or have you completely turned your back on your Maker?”
“The truth, as you call it, sir, is something to be studied and politely debated. No point of view is more valid than another. And for you to attack us personally by pointing out the fallacy of our positions is
unacceptable! It is
you who is out of his mind with your ranting and raving. By claiming the truth, you obviously have an irrational desire to place yourself above others thusly making yourself irrelevant. Will the gendarmes kindly remove this man?”
With the agitator gone, the conference resumed with men from only three corners of the globe. The remaining souls secreted themselves to a conference room, wheeling the latest and most accurate globe available along with them. Analysis by the press and general media determined the “Earth is round” proponent to be a fraud due to his uncouth and uncivilized behavior. Much applause and admiration greeted the final decision of the Great Minds – despite rumors of strippers being summoned to their hotel rooms – as the true shape of the earth was finally revealed: it's an octagon.
