Threads: It Sucks To Be Ye

Outraged by the poisoning of the world, God began a revenge tour in full god-mode: a machine gun with unlimited ammo.

 

"We tried to save the world. This isn't fair!" protested self-professed environmentalists.

 

"Goddamn right, it isn't fair!" replied God, mowing them down.

 

A group of macro-economists explained, "There's no other way for Mankind to live!" - last words they ever spoke.

 

Bullets pierced every guilt barrier, unstoppable and indiscriminate.

 

"I make the rules! It's good to be God!"

Threads: Everyone's A Critic

Siskel and Ebert did it right. Their stated goal was for you to determine if you wanted to see a movie based on their criticism - not to agree with their views. They did this by making their views their own.

I've lost all respect for professional film critics at this point. Reviews of "The Force Awakens" were absurd, based on fear of not being a part of the crowd. That film was a work of hate. Hatred for Star Wars (in the name of nostalgia!), filmmaking, and most of all, the audience itself.

 

But people often watch films with a political agenda. The Supergirl threads here are hilarious. "The ONLY reason someone can dislike this film is because they are a misogynist incel!"

 

Some people base their opinion on what a film *intends* to be as opposed to what it actually is. Pick a lofty goal for your film and there will be those who praise it regardless of how poorly it's done!

 

Many people watch a film just for its production values; they want a roller coaster ride like Jurrasic Park.

 

Threads: More Monday Mourning

"I *HATE* THIS SHIT! I FUCKING HATE IT! I'M SO *SICK* OF THIS!"

Tess, the new girl in the office, was startled by the outburst. But no one else seemed bothered.

 

"What's going on?" she whispered.

"That's just Feldberg logging in."

 

"NO ONE TOUCH ME! NO ONE TALK TO ME! OR I'LL BURN THIS PLACE DOWN!"

 

"Oh, my! Is it like this every time?"

 

"Sometimes it's worse. You should see it when he has to change his password."

 

"I'm scared! Is he going to be OK?"

 

"Why should he be? No one else is."

 

Threads: Know It Alls

 

Silly Sam had no use for me. "You saying it can't be done means nothing. Are you a scientist??"

"Are you? You can't put that square peg in a round hole!"

 

"I have a dream! My therapist said not to listen to you!"

 

"Newton said two objects can't occupy the same space."

 

"Newton was a Bible-thumping virgin! I'm a realist!"

 

That was 25 years ago. Now Sam is vainly bitter yet still pursuing the glory of the impossible - and still has no use for me.

 

"You keep thinking you know what you do not!"

 

NOTE:Yes, I know Newton did not say that quote but conversations with Sam were always political, i.e. fact free. 

Threads: The Odyssey

 

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I said, "A mean drunk." I'd read Johnny Carson was a mean drunk and I always loved his show.

 

His marriages kept failing and I figured that's something I could do to. Turns out I was right.

 

Napoleon famously failed with Josephine, declaring, "Power is my mistress." Doesn't sound like much of a bed mate, though.

 

Steve Jobs never resolved his personal life, either. He wanted a microchip for a heart.

 

In my odyssey, I never make it home and die alone. 

Threads: Stinky Pete's Demise

 
As Fleming noted, a predictable routine can be fatal for a spy. It's also true for mafia capos like me.

 

But I have a routine I never miss: a biweekly haircut.

 

The trick? I have cameras posted nearby I check before arriving. That's when I spotted two button men.

 

So when I "suddenly" whipped a U headed to my last barber visit, I could almost hear the panic. "He knows!"

 

They figured I got tipped on the way there, betrayed from within. Two days later, Stinky Pete was found dead in Johnson Creek.

Threads: The Shank Job

Strolling down a lonely road I spot God walking towards me. With shiv in hand, I shank Him right in the belly, whispering, "That's what You get for making me."

"Me dammit!" He exclaims. "I'm not doing anything wrong but *I* have to pay the price for others' sins. 

 

This has to stop or no one will be left alive!"

 

"You may not be interested in politics but politics is interested in You," I drolly reply.

 

"This is so frustrating! I have to be free to live my life!"

 

"Welcome to the party, Pal."

 

 

Red Roulette, A Love Story

When philosophy meets reality, reality wins. After all, ideological purity doesn't mean much sitting in a mud hut. That's where China found itself in 1970, forcing her to loosen the screws and institute economic freedoms. But doing the right thing for the wrong reason still ends in disaster.

For every day of forced admittance of reality, a growing seething vows a misguided vengeance. In the end, of course, the holders of that seething are hopelessly doomed.

In Reality's slow triumph over professed communism in the following decades, China unleashed a Hokusai great wave of economic prosperity. Many tried to ride that wave including Desmond Shum, who did it with a rare skill but also having a genuine desire to bring improvement to greater China.

Politics mixed with anything is bad. Truth suffers no religion. When Napoleon was on the rise, he'd often send loot from his victories to his superiors to assuage jealousy. That political exercise was soon trumped by his military prowess. But in China, it's almost all politics that determines an outcome with nary a safe harbor to be found.

With Red Roulette, Shum's clear and honest voice does a stalwart job recounting his childhood, his education of China and the world, and the inner workings of the Communist Party. It's his honesty that is so refreshing even though he knows that opens him up to cheap shots and enmity from those not so enamored with the truth.

The economic rise was grassroots in its origin but with the 2008 crisis, a chance for long sought vengeance came about. The Party started to centralize power, sending minions across the country to take power from the locals. Many officials used this as stepping stones to further their career oblivious to any long-lasting effects.

It reminded me of careerists at Home Depot when I worked there who moved from department to department making ill-advised choices while padding their resume. When it comes to power, the story is the same wherever you go.

Like China, America is also collapsing in on itself in pursuit of authoritarian rule. After all, when one has ill intentions in mind, one seeks endless security in power's illusion. It will be a beautiful day when the world sees the last of these people. And the best part is, it will be they who take themselves out, thinking that will save them.

As for Shum, he has already won and he will certainly see that day. He has come to realize as Gandhi said, "There is no god higher than truth."

Threads: It's 2 AM the fear has gone

I use this fleabag motel for meetings since I became a criminal. Never any contraband, though.

But last time the owner, a short Asian guy with big glasses, accosts me in the hallway. He wagged his angry finger: "Not matter you run away onto highway and leave. Cops call you later."

 

So I'd been marked and he deduced my nefarious dealings. This really bothered me. Forces teaming up against me. Thought I had been clever.

 

But it's the same old me: Knowing nothing while thinking I know everything.

 

 

Threads: It Sucks To Be Ye

Outraged by the poisoning of the world, God began a revenge tour in full god-mode: a machine gun with unlimited ammo.

"We tried to save the world. This isn't fair!" protested self-professed environmentalists.

"Goddamn right, it isn't fair!" replied God, mowing them down.

A group of macro-economists explained, "There's no other way for Mankind to live!" - last words they ever spoke.

Bullets pierced every guilt barrier, unstoppable and indiscriminate.

 

"I make the rules! It's good to be God!"

The Traitor

Never before had anyone seen such a look of abject terror on a human face.

 

"Help me! SOMEBODY help me!" a man stopped to scream.

 

The hysterical soul could not be calmed.

 

"I've got the devil on my tail! There's NO HOPE!"

 

Whatever it was he believed, he believed without an inkling of doubt.

 

He frothed at the mouth, "NO ONE has ever done what I've done!"

 

Onlookers stepped back as the madman scurried off.

 

A woman gasped, "Who was that poor fellow?"

 

"Judas Iscariot. He'll be dead soon."

 

The Grand Illusion

Enemy soldier
"Come to talk to me-e!"

Enemy soldier
"Come sing with me-e!"

General ordering
"Don't get alo-ong!"

General pleading
"Don't sing that so-ong!"

General snarling
"You'll fight in the e-end!"

General slithering
"When they kill your fri-e-end!"

General panic
"Just got to beg-in!"

God's sacred soldier
"Don't want to fi-ight!"

God's sacred soldier
"Don't tell me what's ri-ight!"

Good soldiers leaving
"Not gonna st-ay!"

Battlefield empty
Kids call it ga-ay-ay!

Politicians angry
"There's no other wa-ay!"

Hopeless souls swoon
"War must be so-o!"

Angry men wail
"Don't let it go-o!"

Losers' lament
"War is all we kno-ow."

Crashing The (Tech CEO) Pearly Gates

St. Peter pounded on the terminal at his podium at the Pearly Gates. "Thank God I'm in Heaven where pounding on stuff actually makes things work." Then a newly arrived voice spoke to him.

"Dude! You need an upgrade - and I'm just the guy to do it."

"There is no upgrade to Heaven. This is the best and final version. It's you I ask: Are you saved?"

"You bet I am! Ain't nothing that can be pinned to me." 

"But I see here on your record billions in currency was lost due to your deceptive practices.  Environmental damage around the world. And various other ways you acted against the very users you were supposed to be supporting."

"Yes, but people got to share their photos! Nonetheless, I'm saved no matter what." 

"How so?"

"It's right there in our Terms Of Service. I'm allowed to do all those things and get away with it scot-free."

The tech CEO grinned in complete confidence, waiting to have his cake and eat it too. St. Peter looked confused.

"I'm sorry, bro. We have Our own Terms Of Service here." 

"What! You just can't force your own terms on people however you want! That's an outrage!"

"It's Our way or the highway. Do you insist on writing your own Terms Of Service?"

"Damn straight, I do! I'm not staying anyplace where I don't get to write the rules. Let that be a lesson to you."

"As you wish," remarked Peter as he yanked the lever for the trap door to Hell.

 

 

Another Seal Broken

Things have taken a turn for the worse. Five years ago I had a Get-Out-Of-Hell-Free card and was scared to use it. I knew not what I did.

These last five years have turned my hair white with woe and misery. Losing KT tortures me daily. The job rut has buried me alive.  But it was only recently I found out none of this had to be, that the card was real.

Retirement, KT, a chance to be free. Gone forever. How can I forgive myself - especially on top of the other chances I ran away from?

God has taken revenge.

Not everything has an answer. Don't wander into the desert alone.