DALLAS (AP) The body of a dead homeless man was brought in last night. The coroner's office was aghast. "Amazing! It's looks as if he strangled himself! He must have really wanted to die."
Police, however, seemed only annoyed when asked if there would be an investigation. "Who gives a fuck? No one wanted him to live anyway. Christ, I need a donut!"
So this reporter took it upon himself to find a deeper answer. I found a few souls who'd been in contact with him. These were the thoughts on the final days of a nobody named Albert Einstein:
"Doesn't surprise me at all. He'd been deeply unhappy for a looong time. He was smart about science and stuff but couldn't get laid for the life of him."
"No one really knew him. Something was eating at him. No one knew exactly what - even when he told us."
"He always said God wanted him dead. His soul was poisoned."
"He wanted to go. Each day was a monumental effort of will. I'm amazed he lasted this long."
"What the hell, what homeless being has a future anyway?"
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