I Laugh at You, Stupid American!

[First off, just to be clear I offer this as no public service announcement and I stand firmly behind the Peter Principle (people as a whole always believe what suits them regardless of facts). Wishful thinking and willful ignorance are the things that lead us into unjust wars and buying into garbage such as "compassionate conservatism". I pity you not the consequences of your self-deception. I do, however, always find it fascinating to see which cons people fall for and how.]

Here's the video "I Go Chop Your Dollar" from a Nigerian 419 scam artist:


I Go Chop Your Dollar
I don suffer no be small
Upon say I get sense
Poverty no good at all, no
Na im make I join this business
419 no be thief, its just a game
Everybody dey play am
if anybody fall mugu, ha! my brother I go chop am

[Chorus]
National Airport na me get am
National Stadium na me build am
President na my sister brother
You be the mugu, I be the master
Oyinbo I go chop your dollar, I go take your money dissapear
419 is just a game, you are the loser I am the winner
The refinery na me get am,
The contract, na you I go give am
But you go pay me small money make I bring am
you be the mugu, I be the master… na me be the master ooo!!!!

When Oyinbo play wayo, them go say na new style
When country man do im own, them go de shout bring am, kill am, die!
Oyinbo people greedy, I say them greedy
I don see them tire thats why when them fall enter my trap o!
I dey show them fire
He's mocking the gullible American psyche and boy, are we one gullible country! Although few believe it true, it is a fact of nature that anything or anyone that does not honor reality will be destroyed. I don't have to prove this, I just watch it happen daily as you are shocked, shocked! at your demise after having lived such an innocent life. Whatever. I also understand there are those who base their lives on gullibility and were they to give it up they'd lose something most valuable to them, such as a marriage or faith in government or their idealized self-perception or some such. And that's why even after demonstrating gullibility's self-destructive nature people still cling to it. Good luck wit dat!

The Nigerians have grown far more sophisticated than the old days of sending you an email telling of lottery winnings and you need only send a transfer fee to get it. Dateline had a hilarious story about work at home scams that are in reality sophisticated Nigerian rip-offs. We in America love to believe that, hey, if you are willing to work hard that's all that matters and you'll get ahead in life. So we tend not to question dubious job offers that come our way - in the global community, America is not what you would call streetwise.

Want to be a mystery shopper, or process bills at home or even process data for a major corporation in the convenience of your own living room? These things can be had - if you're willing to be had. There are variations on this theme but I'll concentrate on just one method. On the surface, it seems pretty obscure on how someone could profit from a work at home scheme.

First, you accept a job offer - but from someone you will never meet face-to-face (not without a plane ticket to Nigeria anyway). These postings can be seen on MySpace Jobs, Simply Hired, Job Planet and other legitimate outlets. You'll "pass" an online interview and you're hired! Let's say your job is to process payroll. You go out and buy all the hardware and software needed to create checks - you'll be given exact instructions on how - and then be sent the info necessary as to who and where the checks should go. And guess what? You get paid actual money for this! So where's the scam?

Looks real - until you notice the crooked routing numbers
First, the checks you send out are not representative of real checking accounts. You are being used as a chump to cheat others from whom the con men actually do get their money. As payroll clerk you are necessary as both a person actually living here in America and as someone to take the legal blame. You give an illegitimate operation legitimacy - sort of like a corporate lawyer does. The check recipients are also "employees" but a different service is required from them.

Those who get the checks are asked to cash them and wire part of the cash to another location for various business reasons, depending on the tale that has been told. Even a woman suspicious of this was told by her bank the check was good and no delay was required for confirmation. A week later, however, her account got dinged for the full $3,000 she transferred and she could pull no money out of the ATM. There is no recourse for her but to pay up.

This is a large scale operation. All across the country hoodwinked souls are stuffing hard currency into envelopes and putting millions into Nigerian accounts. I know many people wear their self-deception as a badge of honor, proud of the bubble they live in (e.g. "I am a conservative through and through") - and will literally kill to protect it. But nature pops all bubbles in the end - leaving you stuck with the bill. It's just a matter of time, mon ami.