Sunday, January 19, 2020

Fool's Gold


I mine for gold
My life has meaning!
But filling my heart
Is hell death screaming.

I mine for gold
Wasting light's day;
Rattling victory's chains
I live the 'freedom' way.

I mine for gold
As dreaming hope slides by;
The five o'clock whistle
Heaves a heavy sigh.

I mine for gold
In supported evil rich;
Watching working slaves
Who partner as the bitch.

I mine for gold
A ceaseless endless task;
A fellow inmate pleads:
"What does Sisyphus ask?"

I mine for gold
Deep in dark foul places;
In faint reflection seen
Eyeless forlorn faces.

I mine for gold
Its idolatry is cunning;
From a fortune in feelings
The poor soul is running.

I mine for gold
Forsaking my life's promise;
In yet bitterest complaint
Inescapable the harness.

I mine for gold
To reach lost paradise;
But night's clutching hands
Grip in shivering ice.

I mine for gold
As my deemed utility;
A waterless desert
Thirsting in futility.

I mine for gold
Never the goal is reached;
My fantasy of life
In gasping fatal breach.

I mined for gold
But to what end?
Defeated by
The sunset wind.



Sunday, January 12, 2020

To What End?

Urban32

Ten years ago
the sky had died


Since then I wander lands
A lone samurai


I've seen no one
Been seen by no one
I've not found myself


I was cursed by a Zen Monk's words:
All that will happen already has;
All that has happened is happening now;
What happens now never happens.

I can find no escape
From her shadow world


I built a statue
Of the one I trust,
In daily agony
I watch it rust

I mine for gold
But to what end?
Defeated by
The sunset wind



Who bears the weight
Of a broken sky?
Not I, samurai -
Not I, samurai

Thursday, January 09, 2020

Advice Of Counsel


Good thing you came to me because you've made a complete muck of your petition to the Court - a complete muck! And I as a woman am uniquely positioned to help you in ways you as a man could never understand as the Court itself is also a woman and must be dealt with using certain sensitivities without which you would not be heard nor understood nor even received. Yes, you have proven yourself wise to place yourself in my custody and relieve yourself of this burden you've been carrying for far too long. How distressful this must have been for you! No one can make it alone in life nor should be expected to.
And if you wish not to be alone, I have a plan for that.
Running away is never objective, also you're then subject to all sorts of unfounded allegations and endless rumor mills and irrefutable assumptions no matter how inaccurate, and you'll find yourself answering for crimes you never committed - nor intended to commit - but your accusers know full well you will not face them so they feel free to fantasize the most outlandish of transgressions and thereby gain a hold over you which they believe to be to their benefit but that too is false because we are all in this together and for one to do well we must all do well and that law can never be violated under any circumstances.
For if you wish no violation, I have a plan for that.
I read here of your strong and sometimes overwhelming desire to hang yourself which is understandable having previously betrayed the Court in a truly irrational and maniacal manner. Yes, it is horrible to be a bad man - it's nothing at all like in the movies, singing and dancing your way down the stairs all the while forlorn for the love and understanding we are born to seek. I, of course, understand fear, as it has happened to me, only thankfully, I did not react in the foolishly zealous fashion you did that has put you in your currently dire quandary. No, deciding to hang yourself is never the answer. Only the Court can demand that.
So if you wish for a sentence to live, I have a plan for that.
So what is it you're hiding? Is there any valid reason for it - or can there ever be a reason not be free? You state you do not wish for the Court to see you as you are but in concealing this do you not also hide the brilliance of the Light inherent in every soul? You claim yours is a truth not to be tolerated but what besides the truth can save you? You lied to the Court to gain the Court's favor feeling it could not be gotten otherwise, and even though this is a so-called legal proceeding we know that all things in life come down to personal relationships. I can't imagine the point of vainly struggling against the inevitable and inexorable fate of revelation from which no soul is excluded.
But if you wish to be free, I have a plan for that.
Yes, I must take your gold but it's only so that I may survive because my survival is needed in order to help you. Like a lifeguard who brings in a drowning man among hardened dock piers, I must keep you between me and the piers so that I may not be smashed into them by ferocious waves because as you know if something happens to me, your rescuer, then we both die. This is just a circumstance of the world we live in and your understanding of this is vital. I do know there are many who make this same claim under the guise of helping you while swindling you and that is certainly the most horrific of betrayals!
Rest assured, if you wish no such swindling, I have a payment plan for that.
Some realities, of course, cannot be helped. If you jump off a thousand foot building with only concrete below then your death is certain regardless of even the most favorable of legal rulings. While falling, it's easy to fall into a state of despair and have your stubborn pride tell you all will be fine and therefore not look to see if you have a parachute attached, or worse you could listen to false supporters who praise your decision as perfect which convinces you of no need to use your parachute, or even worse you give into guilt at having betrayed the Court and deceive yourself into believing that can be mended by betraying yourself and that too will cause you to fail to pull the ripcord.

So, obviously, there can be no plan for that.


Sunday, January 05, 2020

Do You Know An Expert?

Only for us winners!

See, there's like this shooter video game and I go into like God-mode and then like no one and nothing can kill me! Totally awesome. You got monsters and snipers and giant spiders and everything after you but they always lose. They so dumb it funny! I'm like wiping them out all over the place.

I see these other guys playing and getting shot and killed like all the time. Hilarious! I told them I'm expert-god-superman and never get killed. They not believe me. Sooo jealous! I got skillz they only dreaming about not even knowing of God-mode ultra secret that only us geniuses can know. I'm part of elite special forces group kicking ass in the universe. We know best!

What really funny is these libtards dying for no reason! Can you believe it?? Them knowing about God-mode but choosing on their own not to use it. What kind of crazy nuts is that? There's dumb and then there's just plain ol' retards. Hard to imagine what some people thinking sometimes. They just gotta think they better then everyone else! But they only kidding themselves, haha!!

I was talking with my cool supersmart friends other night and we was saying how like the Nazis actually was really winning the war and only why they lost is they stopped fighting. Just keep on doing it! I never quit when I in God-mode - like not ever! That what make me the best. It just like these retards crying over environment and fires and crap like that. Losers! Just go on and have a good time! If you be a winner then nothing to worry about!

When you so good they have to change law to keep you out!!

I'm just shaking my head wondering why I even got to explain this stuff. So obvious!! Do you people just want to lose?? Is that it? Must be! I win every time. Experts like us are laughing at you morons behind your backs. You just got no sense of sense. It's like you got no idea what real is. Sorry, can't help you! Just going to have to find out for yourselves! Don't be crying to me when things not work out like you dummies think!!

That why I like the President so much. We the same! He expert on everything! It's like, so amazing! Can you hear him talking? He knows everything about everything! Stupid libtards always so angry cause they always wrong! Just like when they get mad when they get killed in videos. It their own fault!! It your own fault when you not agree with greatest President of all your time! He just gonna make everything better and better and better.

It's good to be a winner. I totally like debates because I'm always right! Most people throw up hands and get mad and run away cause they can't take it! Hilarious! When you walk around knowing nothing thinking you knowing something - that why you getting mad! Actually, that what screwing up the whole world! Thank God-mode there still some of us knowing what is what. Rest of you losers, deserve what you get - no matter how bad it is. You're own fault!


Click to play

Monday, December 30, 2019

You're On Trial Too, Nimrod

There is no more maligned group on the planet than those who believe this. The overwhelming majority either believe the truth has no value or is their enemy. That's how the liars have ascended to power. That's the proof we live in a godless world. They think that by betraying the truth, i.e. God, they can save themselves - religion by any other name.

So when the Liar-In-Chief, aka the Most Evil Man In America, goes on trial, our allegiance to the truth will also be put on trial. Many of us can't wait to actually cheer a liar who gets away with kidnapping, rape, and murder. I don't want any of those happening to me. Seems some people want that to happen to them - or at least they vote for it anyway. And somehow they think that makes them clever. You "win" - huh, losers?

But if we think the truth has value, if we face the fact truth is the only way forward, if we really believe truth is God, then we must fight with all our hearts to defend the truth. So we are going to find out if we are who we claim we are. This isn't one person's trial, but a nation's. And if we squander this opportunity, there will be hell to pay. Laugh now, cry later. Betray yourself at your own risk.



Dear Diary, Dear World

It's only gotten worse

"The love you take
"is equal to
"the cash you make."

The nightmares are closing in like... I'm trapped, unable to go neither forward nor backward. I go through the motions of pretending I have a future to keep out the monstrous meddler-killers. I was choking in an Amazon warehouse, surrounded only by talking droids that give the illusion of companionship. The one time I saw a human is when someone came up to criticize my work. How can I break the news to them? I just can't make myself care.

Then I was back in the rundown trailer park in Florida. More monsters of poverty ruling over me, threatening my animals' welfare, driving me to murderous outrage. No one can leave well enough alone. I surely didn't with Emily.

I have a secret I can tell no one. For I can tell them and they still won't know: I am unable to make money. See? I knew you would deny it. Our belief system is based on a lie. That's why we want liars to win. We think it makes us safe. My, what a hurtling ball of fire we are, burning up in the atmosphere, getting ever hotter from the friction.

Fine time to forget the key.

As for me, I am unable to make love (not a euphemism). Had I put love out into the world perhaps the world would have supported me back. But I hate this world and want it to die. But I have no interest in saving only myself. Nobody wins unless we all win. That's the lesson we're going to learn -  one way or the other.

Losing with Emily was fatal. With her friendship, I could have made the step to love. But I assumed her friendship an impossibility - then made it so. I feel Kafka must have done something similar in his failures to communicate.

As for you, dear world, if you knew the future you are making you'd reverse your behavior in a heartbeat without hesitation or doubt. You've assumed what the truth is without facing it - and that's 100% fatal 100% of the time. Closing your eyes and hoping is certain suicide. Thanks for dragging everyone else down with you. Your mandates will be doubly used against you and there will be nothing you can do to prevent it.


Friday, December 27, 2019

Astral Time Injection


Only fools need ask permission
To enter life's fourth dimension;
To find yourself lost embedded
Where time itself is beheaded.

Events to happen ancient past
No time lost standing fast;
Glowing, growing the beaming white light
Where never a day and never a night.

Requested love never betrayed
Work without hope fails to be paid;
I see no pols nor spies nor priests
Nor indication of most or least.

Harmony's hills in wondrous climb
Rivers' dreams in deep sublime;
Victory in every surrender
Giving in to what Heaven renders.

Flying free from burdened lies
None warring with hidden lives;
Never a peace for them to cheer
Since not knowing first to fear.

Saving me from my world bitter -
Words spoken false as human litter;
Trapped in ghostly misdirection
Sliding by astral time injection.


Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Lucy's Choice


She drove into the elementary school parking lot and shut off the engine of her small black car. Times like this were the most exciting moments of her life. She was about to step onstage trembling in both fear and anticipation. Nervously, she looked around if anyone was watching as she unbuckled her seat belt. Part of her just wanted to sit there forever in an unbuckled state, absorbing the moment between offstage and on, a twilight time where she floated to the savior clouds.

With a deep sigh, the time in the floating world at an end, she eagerly opened the car door to join the stream of people heading inside. Only once a year did she get the Big Chance to express herself. She noticed the reassuring official banner above the entrance way: "PRECINCT 12 VOTING". This was her time in the sun complete with society's stamp of approval. But even with the yearly buildup of anticipation, watching endless hours of discussion on TV and even in person, the hoped for feeling of final satisfaction never arrives - even when her candidate wins.

"This time will be different," she whispered like Charlie Brown lining up to kick Lucy's football.

She checked off the names she duly researched and vetted, those who would surely save her. And having done her duty she got to the real reason she rushed there, the last question on the ballot, the one that truly meant something to her: "Do you want a husband?" She selected "Yes" but wished there was a "Hell Yes!" to show how she truly felt. On her exit back out of the building she always felt a bit embarrassed, flushed with the excitement of the day, and hoping to meet a fellow comrade with whom to hold a shared discussion.


Today, she did not, disappointing her pounding heart. She settled back into her car, sitting and staring ahead, almost as if she were waiting for the red sea to part before her. She'd done the right thing, good things should happen to her - miracles even. The other 364 days of the year she was hamstrung, imprisoned in a cell of silent impotence, her voice heard only by the TV. Only on this day can change be made. Everyone agreed on that.

She made a point of congratulating herself on the feared drive home back to the letdown of her empty house. She opened the door to the awaiting neatness and perfectly placed decor. But her family heart cries out for more. She needs to give and to share. She'd done what she could to manifest her private dreams, the state secrets she kept hidden lest anyone find out she wasn't living the life she truly wanted. Without her dreams, life is nothing but a series of endless chores.

Her best friend, Baileys, called out to her from its black bottle. She tried to resist - the scar of the years ago DWI never healed - but rationalized a reward for herself. She drank to the edge of tipsyness while watching the talking heads on TV discuss voter turnout percentages and other painfully boring minutiae. The hangover of frustration always ambushed her after voting. If everyone agreed with her she'd be fine - and the world would be fine - because by default her unmet husband would agree with her valued vote too.


She sipped her truth serum while lamenting the same old refrain: "The opposition is keeping me from happiness!" Then she heard the sound of the mailbox lid closing and this excited her like a child getting a gift. That surprised her as she was expecting nothing out of the ordinary.

But she decided to follow her instincts and check outside. Perhaps her vote was already paying off! All the self-help books assured her she deserved a good man and a good life and all her dreams to come true. So many years she'd been waiting! Why is it so very hard to be with someone? What's the secret formula? To shatter the glass ceiling of love was all she wanted. To hell with everything else.

"I want to live," she whispered, "I want to live."

Sorting through the large amount of mail - the bills, the pleas from charity, the advertising inserts - she found a postcard. Alone among the received items, these inscribed letters were human; handwritten. This must be it! She focused to read the single line of the message:

"Please, give yourself a chance."

Dreams turned to nightmares. It was from him, The Interloper Who Must Not Be Named. How dare he contact her! Not even a chance at the football for you, Charlie Brown.

"No! Never, never!" she declared with furrowed brow, ripping it to pieces. Walking back to the living room after having properly disposed of the infuriating card in the kitchen trash, she abruptly stopped, unable to sit, but rather standing idly in untouched isolation, slamming shut the jail door, not open to honest debate, choosing the safety of aloneness.

And then she knew her actual vote.



Broke my own heart

Friday, December 20, 2019

God Doesn't Love You


God doesn't love you.

God doesn't care if you live or die.

God doesn't care about truth or lies.

God doesn't care if we pollute the planet or save the planet.

God doesn't care about justice or cruelty.

God doesn't care if we burn witches or praise witches.

God doesn't care about starving babies or spoiled brats.

God doesn't care if we live well or live in hell.

God doesn't care about war, peace, famine, abundance.

God doesn't care if we create a future or sabotage it.

God doesn't care about who wins or who loses.

God doesn't care about anything at all.

God isn't who you think God is!


Translated version:


The world doesn't love you.

The world doesn't care if you live or die.

The world doesn't care about truth or lies.

The world doesn't care if we pollute the planet or save the planet.

The world doesn't care about justice or cruelty.

The world doesn't care if we burn witches or praise witches.

The world doesn't care about starving babies or spoiled brats.

The world doesn't care if we live well or live in hell.

The world doesn't care about war, peace, famine, abundance.

The world doesn't care if we create a future or sabotage it.

The world doesn't care about who wins or who loses.

The world doesn't care about anything at all.

The world isn't who you think the world is!



Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Jedi Mind Tricks


Follow the money. It's a foolproof plan in a money-mad world. But it's a sword that cuts both ways. I can put a dollar bill on a string and slide it down the sidewalk and watch all you fools chase after the god that owns you. People talk high and mighty of many things but their morality is based on their money worship. "God is good!" they declare when their wallets are full. But, boy howdy, do they be bitter when that wallet is empty!

The pursuit of money has various strains, one of which is outright theft. The best thieves use a pen for their thievery but there are still those who prefer good old hard cash. But having said cash presents problems of its own. Especially when that cash is hot and you're waiting for the statute of limitations to run out. And people know you have that cash. People who make it their job to take that cash from you - and have all the resources of the government at their disposal.

Long story short, I didn't steal the cash but it did come into my possession. And it was up to me and me alone to figure out how to hide it from limitless search warrants that can look into the most private of places. Anything can be tracked nowadays. Suppose I Google searched on how to hide money. Cops would be all over that. I thought of going to a hotel lobby and use their public computer for a search but even that didn't feel safe. Giving them hard evidence of any sort would only fuel the chase.

Cops all over my ass!

I couldn't make friends and acquaintances complicit after the fact so there was no one to consult with. So what does one do with half a million (and change) when it can't be deposited? My apartment and car were clearly out of the question. Despite what you see in movies, burying cash is a very bad idea as it will rot over time and I had years to wait. Options were disappearing quickly!

I stewed on it for hours, feeling the walls closing in and getting more paranoid by the minute. I even thought of giving it away to charity just to be rid of the burden. I just knew I didn't want the busybody cops to have it or the crooked banks. I got in my car and drove around aimlessly, hoping to be inspired, and if not then a homeless shelter was going to be mighty happy.

"Well, fuck, if I show up there with that kind of cash they'll be suspicious and "do the right thing" and hand it over to the cops. Shit!"

Defeat was here. Defeat was there. Defeat was everywhere. If was going to find an answer, I had to get it from within. Then, as if in answer to my prayer, I passed by this building and the pieces started falling into place.

Not the storage unit you're looking for

How long before the cops knew I had the cash and not the actual robbers? Days, weeks, hours? Goddam money owned me too with the misery it was causing. But I remembered the miseries it could solve as well. Had to make a calculated risk on the time I had before surveillance began. Wrapping my phone in foil, I drove out to implement my plan - a plan in which I planned to get caught.

Two weeks is what it took before the cops came to search my car and apartment. They made a big show of it, clearly hoping to rattle me. I told them in a huff I was going to Facetime my attorney and contact the ACLU. Naturally they laughed that off, no doubt thinking they were halfway home to recovering the loot. People always believe you when you act stupid. And the cops had to think themselves clever at having figured out I ended up with the cash. Process of elimination really.

About an hour after they left, I got in my car and headed to an abandoned building in Fort Worth. I got out of the car and slid through a gap in the chain link fence I'd previously spotted. I walked around kicking items out of place, rummaging through debris, then hurried back to my car. And just to be sure, I left a tiny camera up near the ceiling. That provided for hilarious viewing!

When I retrieved the disk the next day I saw the cops tearing the building apart for hours, digging in filth and trash, so sure they would find the cash! Instead they found neatly typed computer generated notes saying, "Fuck you!". That did not go over well with the feds! I'd waved a red flag in front of the angry bull and I knew I'd moved up on the target list. But we all know how an angry fighter can punch himself out.

Rope-a-dope ain't just for boxing

As expected from scouring my records, they found the day my cell phone was cut off from the grid. They checked safety deposit boxes and all the usual places of stashing a large amount of cash. And sure enough they found the U-Haul rental unit in my name. So easy with online records! They got another warrant - and I got a phone call from the facility - but once again they came up empty - except for the "Fuck you!" poster I left hanging on the back wall. I heard they still tried to search it though God knows where it could have been in that hollow container.

Cops like game players. They're sure that through our showing off we'll make a mistake and they'll get the last laugh. So it had to be very painful as they raided the U-Haul for a second time after they found out I came back and paid a year's rent in full. Why the fuck do that unless I had something to hide, right? I must be thinking myself a Jedi to hide the cash in a place that had already been searched! Only difference on this raid was I'd added "Again" to the bottom of my "Fuck You" poster.

All these useless warrants they keep requesting! Really puts the popo in a spot. Could move the loot in there at any time! I felt like after the second raid they must have placed some sort of surveillance device as there were no more raids even after repeated and obvious visits by me. They had to be pulling their hair out!


Since the day I rented the storage unit was the same day my cell signal was cut off, that just had to be the place! Must have been why they combed the entire facility so thoroughly. But that wasn't the only place I went that day. Just the most obvious. Next up was the place I had a friend rent. A one horse operation without any online tracking. Took 'em another two weeks to raid that. The usual sign greeted them when they opened the empty unit. They probably traced my friend's cell locations. The final place, of course, would be the hardest to find.

That took a month as they had to manually fan out from the radius of my apartment and canvas every single storage unit. Must have been a pain in the ass and taken tons of manpower! You can guess what sign greeted them when they lifted the orange door. For this one, I had another motion detector camera set up. Their reaction was as I'd scripted.

"I know what's going on here," said the agent with a look of dawning understanding. "This guy wants us spinning our wheels going through every storage unit in DFW. We've got storage units on the brain! He wants us chasing our tails because he's got it tucked safely away somewhere else. This has been nothing but a giant distraction, a cheap Jedi mind trick. Forget this ruse. We're tearing his life down again from top to bottom. There's always a mistake. There's always something that can't be hidden. And we're going to find it."

He was certainly right about parts of that. How does one cover up an action when it almost certainly can be discovered with enough determination? A Jedi mind trick, of course! The loot really was hidden in that last unit. I just had to convince them somehow not to fully search it. On the day I deposited the money I sent gift cards to the Dallas FBI office. Don't know how many of them still worked there that worked on my case so many years ago. I did write "Fuck you" on the gift cards, though.


Sunday, December 15, 2019

The Wandering Warlord Peasant

Back when I thought I could conquer the world

I no longer live among my people. I cannot afford to be recognized - even by myself. The familiar hills and streams of my youth are forbidden to me. Faces that once greeted me with a smile are gone forever. I've become a stranger to my samurai soul. It's as if I woke up from a dream to find my waking life a nightmare.

In My Time Of Certainty I made decisions of life and death never doubting them in my hallowed clarity. What is this curse that deceives the mind so completely that the more wrong we are the greater our conviction? This bewitching will be the downfall of Mankind. It certainly brought the downfall of me.

I hear scarce tales of my province, morsels of hope I dare not consume. My lust to rule the land blew me like a tumbleweed down a path of inevitable destruction. First my father, then my brother - dead by my command. Our conspiracy to rule the clan was a success. Winning is its own justification in a bent world, we believed. Those were heady days. There was an anger to all that we did.

That was twenty odd years ago but every day is the same for me now. The Shogun has united us and the nation has moved on from the warring era. I am but one remnant, one of many fools left to litter the land in our failed and myopic bids to seize power. I murdered for nothing. As my castle burned by the hand of Toyotomi's army, I retreated into the forest donning a scarf around my head, never looking back. I drift from village to village as an unredeemable sot who spends every last yen on warm sake. But my life remains cold.

Then it all came crashing down

I'm not to be trusted to make decisions. I work for the farmers in safe day labor. I look up at the sun as it arcs in the sky, praying it does not betray me, praying it does not bear witness on my past. They say I lack energy but it's the weight of the light that drags me down. To whom can I reveal my horrors? Had I done these dastardly deeds and become Shogun, would anyone care of my murders? Would I care? Our murderous Shogun seems unperturbed.

I'll never know. All I know is that the image of the rising smoke from behind the mountain as my imperial dreams disappeared in a forlorn cloud is forever branded on my brain. I'm a laughingstock to the gods. I realize the anger that brought me to this hellish place must be eschewed at all costs. Maybe then I can serve a purpose. But, oh, how they would run from me if they knew the brotherly blood on my hands. At the time, I said to myself, "There is no other way."

I'm not the only clan leader who committed familial crimes. The whole country was mad in those wide open times of lawlessness. Is freedom a sin if it only unleashes violence? Are we a better country in the iron grip of the Shogun? Yes, that grip has stalled our civil war that lasted a hundred years but is that the same as serving justice? Does my fleeing from decisions make me an honest person? Perhaps there is no escape from this.

Hardest battle of all

Who am I to give advice? If I came clean no one would listen to such an obvious fool. But I still cling to a sliver of morality however irrational even if based on others' ignorance. The farmer I work for is in dispute with his neighbor. I kept my mouth shut until I could hold my tongue no longer. I told him he had to be hard and ruthless in this world. "Do you want to survive or not?" I could feel the old fever as I was speaking to him. But were my words merely embers of my old rage?

It's myself I seek to escape. Once having lusted after the throne my spirit cries out for more. But I feel chained to my mistakes of the past, doomed to repeat them in helpless servitude. There must be some step I need to make. I've heard the farmer speak of how peasants like him were caught in the hellish crossfire between clan warlords and the tragedies that ensued. I have to admit during that time I never gave that a second thought. Would they lynch me if I came clean now? Could I blame them?

I till the farmer's soil. The earth is good in its blind benevolence to even the worst of sinners. I am defeated. In way, as self-serving as this may sound, I'm glad I did not win. I see so much of myself in the arrogant and corrupt rulers who lord over us. I have been spared that fate - and I cannot join the shogunate even if solicited to do so. I'm a part of no world, discarded refuse floating through universe. Is there a life left for me to find? Would I have the courage to face it? The courage of war is of no use in times of life.


Saturday, December 14, 2019

Art, From Failure


Only one of the following three stories is true:

It is May 1941. Taking a roundabout way to America with his country at war, Ian Fleming spends the night at the Palacio Hotel in Estoril, Portugal. After dinner Ian took to the casino for some high stakes gambling as had been his wont in pre-war times. In a lucky ride of events, he's able to walk away a handsome winner and is glad to have such a pleasant diversion before continuing his journey to the truly high stakes of his role in engaging America in the war effort. "Look here, Godfrey, a tidy sum we can blow when we get to America."

It is May 1941. Taking a roundabout way to America with his country at war, Ian Fleming spends the night at the Palacio Hotel in Estoril, Portugal. After dinner Ian took to the casino for some routine gambling as had been his wont in pre-war times. In a forgettable ride of events, he's able to walk away even but is unperturbed to have a not particularly memorable diversion before continuing his journey to the high stakes of his role in engaging America in the war effort. When asked how he did at the tables, Ian replied in a noncommittal manner, "Comme ci, comme ca."

It is May 1941. Taking a roundabout way to America with his country at war, Ian Fleming spends the night at the Palacio Hotel in Estoril, Portugal. After dinner Ian took to the casino for some low stakes gambling as had been his wont in pre-war times. In a stinging turn of events, he walks away a loser and is morose having had such a drab and uneventful evening before continuing his journey to the high stakes of his role in engaging America in the war effort. When leaving the tables he's driven to cheer himself up. "What if my fellow gamblers had been German secret agents, and suppose we had cleaned them out of their money; now that would have been exciting."

Fleming's horror of boredom drove him to find inspiration, so that his monetary loss became a win in life. His imagined scene of secret agents is later recreated in the first Bond novel "Casino Royale" where the enemy spy Le Chiffre is outwitted at the baccarat table. Ian's weakness for the pointlessness of gambling was made whole through turning to belief. He did not settle for chastising himself for the wasted time, nor meaninglessly beseech "God forgive me" as he handed away his cash, nor did he resort to bitterness, but rather to believing in himself even after having faltered. Art, from failure.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”


Friday, December 13, 2019

Dear World

From one joke to another:



Dear world,

What a joke you are. All your grandstanding pretensions, your phony indignation, your political consternation, your comic book saviors, your pseudo wars, your breathless campaigns, your secrets already known, your binding contracts, your fictional borders, your exalted vampires, your well-heeled freaks, your profitless investments, your discarded dreams, your daily crucifixions, your smirking cynicism, your treasured lies, your suicide entertainment, your dogma of death, your brokered betrayals, your fallen friends, your technological terrors, your silent sex, your futile chains, your dogs of bore, your brokenhearted billions - all these things mean nothing.

If the world truly gave a shit we wouldn't be mired in the degenerating whirlpool of despair as we drown in the tears of our children. And we certainly aren't as clever as we think we are, not realizing that the only deception is self-deception, i.e. we ain't foolin' nobody. Your religion is in your wallet, your drug is in your denial, your hope is in your "clever" betrayals. This is what I hear most of all: that the man who said, "By their fruits ye shall know them" is a liar. Is that so?

Let's all die together then and blame it on those who refuse to join in. And the bitter fruits we both lionize and despise will only get more bitter over time until finally we choke on them, unable to eat them yet starving without. This is not God doing it to us. This is us doing it to us. We say we know best. We have bet our lives - our souls - on that. I thought I knew best too - and lost everything. I see what I see, like everyone.


14-year-old Alexandria Villaseñor, sits outside the United Nations headquarters in Manhattan on Fridays. Each time, Villaseñor brings a sign that reads "COP24 Failed Us," a reference to the fact that global emissions have continued to rise since that conference in December 2018. This week marked the one-year anniversary of her strike; she goes rain or shine and even sat outside the UN during a polar vertex. Villaseñor said she has been harassed on social media and received death threats from climate deniers. But that has not stopped her.

Here are the most popular alleged reactions:

Steve
My wife works with a lady whose husband holds a few college degrees. One is an MD and another is a PhD in the sciences. He has knowledge of the environment and has studied the climate change theories. His research has revealed that all this climate and environment talk about catastrophic change is Bee Ess, piles of it! Along with the other researchers with whom he worked, they concluded that the globe is in no danger from man, but the Earth will undergo change as normal cycles continue. If I remember, I believe his wife added he found all the current climate hysteria hilarious.

glenn
I wonder who is paying HER? This glowbull warming scam is getting very profitable!

See this stuff below.......guess what! It never happened!

1. Within a few years "children just aren't going to know what snow is." Snowfall will be "a very rare and exciting event." Dr. David Viner, senior research scientist at the climatic research unit (CRU) of the University of East Anglia, March 20, 2000.

2. "[By] 1995, the greenhouse effect would be desolating the heartlands of North America and Eurasia with horrific drought, causing crop failures and food riots…[By 1996] The Platte River of Nebraska would be dry, while a continent-wide black blizzard of prairie topsoil will stop traffic on interstates, strip paint from houses and shut down computers." Michael Oppenheimer, published in "Dead Heat," St. Martin's Press, 1990.

3. "Arctic specialist Bernt Balchen says a general warming trend over the North Pole is melting the polar ice cap and may produce an ice-free Arctic Ocean by the year 2000. " Christian Science Monitor, June 8, 1972.

4. "We're actually projecting this year that the North Pole may be free of ice for the first time," Dr. David Barber of Manitoba University , 2008.

5. "By the year 2000 the United Kingdom will be simply a small group of impoverished islands, inhabited by some 70 million hungry people ... If I were a gambler, I would take even money that England will not exist in the year 2000." Paul Ehrlich, Speech at British Institute For Biology, September 1971.

6. "In ten years all important animal life in the sea will be extinct. Large areas of coastline will have to be evacuated because of the stench of dead fish." Ehrlich, speech during Earth Day, 1970.


Stag
“The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation.”
― Adolf Hîtler, Mein Kampf

Oricle
"When Greta started striking, it gave permission to other students all around the world to go on protest as well," It wasn't "permission" it was an "excuse"

Steve
Isn’t this great. We now have a 14 YEAR OLD climate change “expert”.

Carbon Dioxide
All these kids do is make noise. NONE of them have any real solutions that work. Saying "Do something" is not a plan. What they want most likely would send the world into a great depression. Fossil fuel is as important to the global economy as blood is to your body. So much of the modern world is dependent on fossil fuels. Even if you drive an electric car and have solar panels, you still are dependent on fossil fuels for everything you buy at the store. For the roads you drive on ect. Want to know the difference between the 16th century and 21st century? The difference is because of the existence of electricity and fossil fuels.

Penn
I have a 14 year old sister. This time of year she’s in school.

j h
Don't this children have school and stuff? The media has pushed these kids into a panic over the "climate". Kids listen, everything will be fine. The weather now will be the same as it will be when your are 75... and long after you and your great great great grandchildren will be buried. Go have a life, have fun...jeesh in 10 years you'll have to go to work everyday and worry about real issues like paying your rent.

Brian
I am so thankful to have grown up in a time where teenage girls were interested in teenage boys and no one was trying to force us to believe in fairly tales like climate change or more than two genders. This new, triggered protest generation will never realize what happiness is because they are always looking for the next minuscule thing to be upset about.

Eric
skipping every Friday to protest ..she should be required to repeat 7th grade

*****

I'd tell you to go fuck yourselves, but you already have. Just whom are these saviors of truth trying to convince? Our Maker? These beacons of enlightenment are going to save the whales? "Consciousness of guilt" isn't just a legal phrase anymore. That's the problem with living in a perverted world: the more we think we're winning the more committed to losing we become.


Wednesday, December 11, 2019

Modern Tales: True Loved

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of,
I knew it from the start.
I saw your face and that’s the last I’ve seen of my heart.

He said, "It's as if I've known you my whole life."

She said, "It's as if we're meeting again from a past life."

"This is a dream come true. Life is magic!"

"It's so wonderful I don't need to explain myself around you. It's liberating!"

"The claws of the world have dropped from my heart. We walk in the clouds."

"You're the one that I want. I finally feel like a whole person."

"I'd take care of you forever and ever, until the end of time."

"Our love is eternal, a living thing beyond ourselves. To this we shall be devoted."

"Truly - I am truly loved."

"And I too am truly loved. Thank you - and now, let us say forever goodbye."

"Ah, yes. Goodbye, and as Byron said:
Fare thee well! and if for ever -
Still for ever, fare the well -
Even though unforgiving, never
'Gainst thee shall me heart rebel.
"Love it! What a beautiful betrayal we've wrought!"

******

So I asked him what happened to his never-again-seen true love.

"Shit, man. Grow up. Ain't no one supposed to be that damn happy. Would have never worked out, why bother? That's just the way life is."

That didn't make much sense to me but what do I know? He told me he needed her, couldn't live without her, and was in his "own private hell" being separated from her. So who knows? Maybe love and soulmates and all that romantic stuff really is just an illusion we feed ourselves to have a seeming reason to live. He made me feel stupid for believing.

Then three years later he's on the news, tying up traffic for miles as he threatens to jump off the top of one of our towering overpasses here in Dallas. Suddenly everything made sense again. Even after having found it, he'd told me he didn't deserve heaven. He didn't realize the only alternative to heaven is rotting in hell. There's no therapy for losing your soulmate. There's just an inescapable, gnawing, agonizing, soul-crushing void.


Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Haikus Found Floating In A Stream

Sidelight

Safe in the shadows
I watch her sketch inner light
She hopes to be found


***


Red on red

Yesterday’s letter
Left me standing at the bridge
That long ago fell