Sitting on the Edge of the World

"Sitting on a cornflake
Waiting for the van to come."
-The Walrus
John Lennon spoke of when he was a youth he would look in the mirror and his face would "trance into alpha." That made him feel like a freak. And while I don't think I ever had a moment like that, I do know I've had "lost" moments I can explain to no one.

They arrive unexpectedly, when you relax - and at the most inopportune times. Moments when if you were to ask me the time or date or planet or reality, I could not answer you and have it be the truth. You stop, look around, and suddenly in you're in the universe - not some crap job or menial exisitence. It makes you want to live there forever...

One such moment for me happened on a sunny spring day in the oil fields of north Texas. I was just along for the ride with the driver who drained the holding tank of water pumped up with the oil (this has be drained and deposited at a registered disposal facility or the owner can be fined). Sitting out in the middle of nowhere, watching the breeze play with the grass and listening to the constant squeak of the pump, I lost my name.

I could have sat there forever, completely calm and content. I was in a place of dreams. If a flying saucer had landed - if anything had happened - it would have all seemed plausible. Sitting on the edge of the world, you can see into infinity. There was a truth in this moment I did not want to leave. I was timeless...

Reality was shattered by a voice of the world. "Come back," it said. "Life is all bills, bullshit and bothers." It was a sightless voice, seeing only with its eyes. "There's no other reality than what he have made." But having seen the universe, I know better.

Barbarians R Us

Bar-bar-ian (noun) an uncivilized, uncultured person; a brutal, cruel, insensitive person whose behavior is unacceptable.

"The poor you will always have with you." These are the words of Jesus Christ. Perverts will interpret this to mean: "there will always be fuck-ups." And a pervert always needs someone to denigrate. What Jesus was really saying is: "the world will always be unfair."

I hear all sorts of "solutions" to poverty. With over half the world in poverty, obviously none have worked. So far we have tried: government programs, charity, socialism, communism, capitalism, this ism, that ism. You can spend your entire life dedicated to ending poverty and it will only be a band aid, never a cure. The reason all efforts fail is because we concentrate on the symptoms, and not the cause.

"You shall have no other gods before me." There it is again, that pesky ol' First Commandment. Obviously God has no fucking idea how to run a society. You've got to appeal to people's greed! It's the only way! Money first, then God. That's when you can call yourself holy - making that "work".

Problem with that is we really are made in the image of God. It's human nature to care, to give and to reach out to others. In America, if you are not for greed and selfishness, you're a traitor. Our whole society is based on greed and we want to keep it! The irony of course is that that very same greed is what will cost us everything.

We are savages; putting survival up for sale. God in her wisdom put us perpetually at the mercy of one another, to force us to learn to live together. Instead, we merely use that vulnerability for blackmail. Only barbarians build a world set up to reward taking advantage of one another. And we'll always be barbarians as long as survival is up for sale.

It's All Good for the New Year

Our President will be a good and fair man.

The world will be just fine.

Our enemies will become our friends.

2007 will be remembered as the Summer of Love.

The environment will begin it's long journey of healing.

Poverty and hunger will vanish off the face of the earth forever.

Peace will reign supreme. We will beat our swords into ploughshares and our spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not raise sword against nation; we will train for war no more.

We shall turn to love for the answer.

All things will be good.

It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World!

Here lately I've been trespassing all over the blog of the great Flavia Colgan. I saw her on TV and was fascinated by her. "Who is that woman!" So I googled her and she turned out to be all I hoped for. I even sent her an email which she graciously acknowledged. I love you, Flavia!

Her blog is much different than mine - it's actually read. So I have the chance to interact and chip in my two cents and be heard. My comments are aliased under "Sidney Reilly" and "Haiku Monk". She also does "guest blogs", throwing out others' points of view to be digested. One guest blog was from a punk kid with the tried and true diatribe on the evil of TV. Couched in the tones of a Shakespearian tragedy, he laments a nation of couch potatoes more interested in Britney Spears than the politics of state. Check out Britney's ass below and you tell me what you're more interested in.

I pointed out to my punky friend that there are oh so many more real and alleged evils in the world he forgot to rail against. Here is a listing below (feel free to add your own!):

movies, modern music, pop culture, war culture, the sixties, degenerate youths, video games, uptight yellow-bellied sons-of-tricky-Dicky, Sith warriors, illegal drugs, legal drugs, bad parents, bad schools, bad breath, mislabeling, no labeling, Twinkies, hidden gay cartoon characters (how did we ever win WWII with that cross-dressing Bugs??), big business, small business, busybodies, nobodies, communists, capitalists, sexists, racists, horny haters, horny players, horny priests, enemies of the state, radicals, moderates, pantheists and lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World!

Living in the Corner of Your Eye

"Under the clear skies and gleaming sun of a summer day my sorrow was as the rain.
My Quixotic sword slaying my own life.
To teach the world a lesson?
I entered all my battles in pretense, and in so doing, I lost them all. "
-Haiku Monk
For whatever reason, I must be free of all things to have peace. At times I can recede into nature or hide in an alley you don't dare enter or like tonight I can wander in the cold when others ensconce themselves indoors. It's only in these fleeting moments the turmoil ceases. Yet were I to have the world at my feet, it would still be only in these moments I could find refuge.

Rarely am I noticed. I like to live around the edges of things. Certain spots of people and smells and activity draw me in like a moth. My anonymity allows me a vicarious thrill of worlds I cannot enter. Even if I were rich, I still could not enter such places. I would throw up a facade and bide my time until I could free myself once more. Put me in the best car, the nicest home and with the prettiest people and I will still struggle to get away.

I'll never forget the one time I got recognized. Years ago when I was a courier to nursing homes, a nurse looked into me. When you're a courier, you're a nobody by default. So my guard was down, I was relaxed and was ready to make my delivery but when I walked into the room, the nurse's eyes drilled straight into mine and I could see the question I most fear forming in her eyes: "Who are you??" I remember that jolt of fear. I averted my eyes and ducked out as quickly as I could.

I belong both everywhere and nowhere. So where is the place for me? A kind gesture to a homeless man could be a moment he remembers a lifetime. I'm sorry for all the grief I've brought to this world. I am beneath you all. The most "horrible" person in the world I crave to be my friend. But it seems I only make friends to my lies, never me.

News of the Day!

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. Flash! Harry Homeless gives his take on the news of the day. Let us listen in once more as the great man speaks:

I usually don't refer to specific news events in my blog unless it's used to make a larger point or support a point a view. But it also gives insight into a person to see their reaction to current events and the purpose of this blog is not only to document my death but to paint a portrait of myself. Outside of the overall issue of the world dying, the most pressing immediate concern is our involvement in Iraq.

My voice was against the war from the start. I was told I was being unrealistic to promote peace, that I was putting my head in the sand. And I truly felt the pressure to support war. I came off as the mamby-pamby liberal out of touch with the real world. "Sometimes you just gotta fight wars!" I was told, like they were educating me or something. Please. I'm way ahead of you guys. Thinking war is an option is like thinking stupid is an option. You can choose it for a while but in the end you end up worse than when you started.


So now we are fucked - which is why a large segment of people have backed off on their support. If we were "winning", I bet 60-65% of us would support this insanity. But wrong is wrong. No matter what the outcome, we were wrong to invade. It's painful to admit an error and most of us are still fearful to call war wrong. But history is already vindicating those who opposed the war. Don't bend with the wind.

I saw on one of those talking head shows where the host said our President is a good guy who was just naive and got talked into to this war by the war hawks around him. For that statement alone he should be fired. The President has been the Pied Piper of this from the beginning, sending out his song of seduction to whomever would listen. It's been his wet dream from day one and he merely surrounded himself with like-minded souls.


"Stupidity is the one crime that never goes unpunished"
- Agatha Christie
It's (been) time to pull out all the troops. Even among my fellow anti-war friends, I still hear how "unrealistic" I am. "No, we can't do that!" Uh, yeah we can. Yes, we broke Iraq, but it doesn't necessarily follow that we can fix it. Yes, things will be bad - that's the price you pay for fucking up. It's like lynching the wrong man. You just have to learn to live with it, there's no "righting" it.

The President (whose name you'll never see in my blog) is cornered. He has to stay the course! Put yourself in his shoes. If this is not a holy mission, if this is not the right thing to have done, if all this has been a lie - then the death and maiming of our service men, the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians' deaths and the destabilization of the world has to be one of the great crimes in history. All those who support this war are complicit.


Nobody wants to hear about a criminal President. Life is hard enough as it is without having to bail his sorry ass out. But here's where the argument of putting your head in the sand is true. Things will get worse if we don't fully admit the truth of what happened. And life will be hell if we don't turn our backs on war - not if we turn our backs on peace.

The Good Wife Confesses

The Good Wife was lauded by all. Never did she complain. Never did she fail to do what was expected. Never did she betray her vows. But always she protected her image, her god. But the prisoner was breaking out.

She married the wrong man. The meaning of this she had fought for years. "ANY marriage is good." "Vows make you holy. Break them and lose your holiness." "I'm only useful as a wife." But the lies washed away her good feelings like the house built on sand. She found herself defending her own death. Did she want to die?

Religion had always been her hiding place; a place where holiness could be earned outside her conscience. So she went for a priestly confession, hoping once more her secret fears would be allied. Being a prisoner was hell. The idea of being trapped, intolerable. No way out. Was this behind her looming dread of a death by drowning?

"Father, I fear the truth. I've had no sex outside my marriage, but I feel like a whore for I have relations with a man I do not love. I love what he brings me, but I do not love him. Is that not close enough?

"I ache to be useful but I am only used. I see now I shall forever be useless if I stay with the wrong man. It empties me out and leaves me dry. I am nothing more than a slave, an object. I find myself doing the same crime to my children. My labors are pointless and meaningless. Does God value my labors in keeping my marriage?

"They say I'm a Good Wife. That I do my duty. But I did not. I was selfish and married too young, before I knew who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. Now it rots my soul. I am deathly terrified to speak what I feel. I punished myself for my silence but that did no help. I'm hopelessly weak and cannot leave. There was once a boy who called me beautiful truly and I think of him often. But if I do not act on this, I am still faithful, right?"

The Father was disgusted. "The answer to all your questions is: No. No - to love a man for his possessions is to prostitute yourself. No - your efforts are wasted if they have no meaning to you. And, no - you are not a good wife. You took the institution of marriage and perverted it. And then you took pride in that. You should fear the truth!"

The eyes of the cornered rat darted to and fro. This was not the absolution she'd hoped for. Priests aren't supposed to share their honest feelings! Of all the luck to find one who was not dishonest. The cornered rat saw no choice. "Yeah, well, fuck you too. If you think I'm giving up a $200,000 house and my kids just to go work some crap job and scrape by as a divorced woman, you're out of your gord! I don't need a soul that bad!"

(Years later, when her boy came of age, he could stand the lies of his useless life no more and ended it with a gun. Her image god now shattered, the Good Wife's life spiraled out of control and burned to the ground. She punished herself with a bullet; a six shooter for a savior.)

The Modern Jew

Liberal, liberal;
We hate you!
Liberal, liberal;
The modern Jew!
You know, I got invited to that Iranian Holocaust Denial film festival thing. But I told them that Iran doesn't exist.

(And we've got a President who doesn't believe Iraq exists)

Forgive Osama Now!

World War II was the end of an Age. No more could we solve problems with war. That was supposed to be a blessing. It sparked a renaissance of song and culture. But we assumed our blessings came not from the freedom from war, but because of it. Got a problem? War is the answer. So we’ve had wars on poverty, drugs, communists and whatever else you wanna throw in there. Raging successes all!

Same with our “war on terror”. We’re losing it because we’ve already surrendered. Everything the terrorists want us to do, we do! They wanted to embitter us and that they did (a boot in whose ass?). They wanted us to turn our back on our freedoms, and that we have ("I don't need no stinking writ!"). They wanted to make us as they are and thus we found our own country to terrorize in the name of God. Good job America!


OK, my fellow winners, I hate to lose. And we all know “Americans love a winner.” So let’s stop trying to say we are winning in any sense when we’re gang tackling Grandma at the airport because she’s carrying four ounces of shampoo instead of three. That doesn’t make you a bad ass. It makes you sick and pathetic (something I know a lot about). We are the terrorists’ bitch!

Forgiveness is the answer. I hereby forgive Osama and all his terrorist buddies. I’m a free man once more. Say it and you will be too. Show me what you’re made of. Show me some of Tom Barkley’s guts! Or stay their puppet like a good, little sheep. Baa-a-ah! Baa-a-ah!

The person to lead this campaign of course, is our good Christian President. It would go something like this:

President Igor announced today he will not seek out the terrorists responsible for the infamous bombings killing many innocent lives. "They are probably just misguided, not knowing what they are doing," he symapthized. "Let's just leave them be. I'm tired of dealing with these people."

Terrorists were outraged by the President's reaction. "We demand to be treated as the dangerous and notorious criminals that we are!" they stormed.

President Igor's reaction was a heartfelt reply of: "What they need is a good hug. Hug a terrorist today. These people need love, too."

The "Hug a Terrorist Today" campaign caused many terrorists to picket the White House with signs such as, "I HATE hugs! Really!" , "You MUST hate us!" and "Loathe me!" Also, many terrorists have publicly vowed to kill President Igor.

"I kill any man who says I need love!" fumed one. (Jesus had no comment on the last remark.)
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(Part two will follow with your your oh-so-predictable whining)

A President Saves Face

"Friends, enemies, undeciders - lend me your earlobes! I have come here today to apologize. I truly have fucked up the world. The blood on my hands is unsufferable. I am tragical like Shakespeare. How many times have I stood before you like a sixth grader reading a very important book report, only to utter untruths from these lips. I am a terrorist upon the people of this planet, its environment and its very soul. I have burned down the house of God. All this, just because I'm an immature cunt.

"I realize now, had I stayed drunk and coked up in Texas, the world would be a better place. I could have led a meaningless, drifting - but harmless - existence, instead of becoming the warmongol I am today. I regret to inform you, I have become the greatest terrorist of our time. There are those on this planet today with whom we cannot coexist. And when I looked in the mirror, I realized I was not a co-exister.

"A solution must be found. Healing must begin. Shine a light on the truth of my actions. Mold a new reality, closer to the heart. Give peace a chance. Love is the answer. Effective immediately, I am firing all the dickheads who work for me - even my boss, the big Dick himself. And now I give voice to my sorrow through the deep and meaningful lyrics of ABBA:

No more carefree laughter
silence ever after
walking through an empty house
tears in my eyes
here is where the story ends
this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you
there is nothing we can do
knowing me, knowing you
we just have to face it
this time we're through
breaking up is never easy I know
but I have to go
knowing me, knowing you
it's the best I can do

Mem'ries, good days, bad days
they'll be with me always
in these old familiar rooms
children would play
now there's only emptiness
nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you
there is nothing we can do
knowing me, knowing you
we just have to face it
this time we're through
breaking up is never easy I know
but I have to go
knowing me, knowing you
it's the best I can do

"I cannot face the world but my informants have told me I must save face. I shall bring honor back to my life with this genuine set of Ginsu knives. A Japan person is suicidal and so shall I be in my shame to bring back honor. It's what they call Harry Carey. Now I shall do unto myself as I have done unto others:

My Horrorscope

There's a couple of free weekly papers I usually pick up. One of them carries Rob Brezsny's Freewill Astrology. I'm not a big believer in such stuff but I like his takes and it's good for a giggle. Here's this week's:

If you're a man, your penis just might grow bigger in the coming weeks. If you're a woman, your ability to experience profound and poetic emotions will deepen. No matter what gender you are, your capacity for orgasmic pleasure could increase. And this is just a fraction of the advances that are potentially in the offing for your tribe. Buoyant cosmic energies are surging within you, enhancing everything related to your joy and vitality and confidence. It's as if your animal intelligence is getting a boost from a divine form of lust; as if you're tapping into a source of high-octane energy that originates in God's libido.

Well, isn't that just fucking lovely. I actually have been awful "ramped up" lately and it's torture! Here is my new goal in life: to make God homeless and horny.

Mindless Mantras Are Misanthropic

Each of us is the "master of his own fate". Life isn't what you want it to be? Then you must want it that way! But don't worry because "it ain't over till it's over." Previous decisions mean nothing! But if you have gotten yourself in a bad spot then "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" Everything'd be peachy if we just look on the bright side of life!

So let me show you The Way to Enlightenment. Absorb the wisdom I have googled:

It is the size of one's will which determines success.
What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
The best way to see the future is to create it.
The strength to persist, the courage to endure.
Life's only limitations are the ones we make.

These are among the inspiring statements imparted to me. I am a failure, nay, a sinner in the eyes of God if I do not heed such glorious advice. So do it I shall! One little thing I forgot to mention, I just jumped naked off a thousand foot cliff with nothing but sharp, jagged rocks below me in all directions. BUT, I shall will my way to life! I can conceive of victory! I shall create a future of my choosing! I need only to endeavor to persevere! There are no limitations!

If you don't know all the facts in a person's life, then shut the fuck up. We all know what these phrases are really used for. If someone comes up to you in trouble, you whip one of these suckers out. It sounds better than saying, "Go die someplace else."

The Illusions of War and Peace

Law of our Maker:
Make others become like you.
Futureless asshole.

Every time I see a talking head on TV yapping about Iraq, I just shake my head and laugh. It's all about politics and scheming and debates over whose farts smell the best. Gibberish all - and no one remembers a word of it. Ever wonder why the only phrase to ever resonate out of all this was "stay the course"?

Do you want to "stay the course" in your life? To say "yes" is to validate your life choices. Say "no" and you'll have people looking at you funny. You really want that? I thought not. So everyone's gonna say "stay the course" - both the damned and the blessed - out of fear of his fellow man. Now there's an interesting commentary on our world.

We want to believe in this world of ours. There are those who look for the good in it and those who look for the bad - both are wrong. We only need the truth of it. That will save us. The beauty of truth is that it always gives a way to salvation. Am I "negative" to say the world lives a lie? If we truly are on the wrong course, then I have been positive in my faith that there is another way to live. And if we are on the wrong course and I say otherwise, how vile those words are!
So you want a solution to Iraq? Here it is: honor the truth. Truth is we were wrong to invade, we fucked up and we're the bad guys in this scenario. Seems counterintuitive to admit that as a way to redemption, but can you feel the healing in it? Nothing galls me more than some asshole talking about us "saving face". As if that's where honor lies. And they are willing to let others suffer for the charade.

(Had I lived my other life, I would love to do a video of the current President committing seppuku. I would call it "Saving Face", with images of Iraqi violence flashing through his mind.)

I will finish with a quote from the Haiku Monk:

A man who refuses love will have himself for an enemy. And then he has brought war to the world.

One man's war can become a nation's, and then the world's.

The Idea Guys

"Get this! Get this! This shot is going to be genius! Bank it just past the side pocket, slice into the 4 ball which hits the 3 and just barely cuts the 9 in the corner pocket." On other tables in the pool hall, the sounds of balls dropping murmured in the background. But those were ordinary shots, not shots of genius. Those people had no idea of greatness. But the Idea Guys did.

"OK, OK," countered his friend. "How about this one? Go two rails, kick the 6 into the 3 and combo the 9 in the side pocket." The Idea Guys always laughed at the others with their chalked up cue sticks and powdered hands, struggling to make even the simplest of shots. They were above all that - they never picked up a cue - inventing shots their brethren "can not even conceptualize".

The last one of the trio surveyed the table intently but could find no combination of rails and ricochets to outdo his cohorts. Finally, he looked up and grinned. "I'll just lift up the table from this corner and roll the 9 ball in!" His companions looked at one another, mulled over the idea, and then quickly concluded with a high five. "Genius!"

Grabbing their coats on the way out, they talked excitedly of "Fight Club" being on TV that night. The man behind the counter eyed them contemptuously as his assistant poked him curiously. "But they didn't play the game. They just threw the balls on the table."

"Yeah, I know. They've been doing it for years. They never pick up a clue."

Road to Fucking Damascus

Like the ancient apostles, I continue to disperse pearls of wisdom through my letters. Eat your heart out, Paul. A song can sing but can a letter? So here's another fart of insight I passed on to the Homeless Guy:

"Living and dying while dancing to Billy Squire"

"One day happy, another looking to slit my wrists"...I understand that. The moron in me says, "If you were normal you would be happy!" But then I remember, is it normal to be happy when you're freaking homeless?? Some people HAVE killed themselves to avoid this predicament. You have shown an astounding strength of character. And trust me, I never hand out a free compliment.

But for me, there is the freedom: to think what I want, to say what I want, to be as I want. My freedom feeds me in a way that jobs kill me. People are jealous of my freedom and try to paint me with their sins, saying that my freedom is optional. Well, if that were true we'd all still be under the feudal system - or as I call it: the "futile" system. The joy of every breath I take is in knowing how many people it pisses off!

When Gandhi was queried on the very real possibility of his being shot, he replied, "Then they'll have my dead body." That's all the fuckers are going to get out of me too. Funny part is, they think that's enough, that it is "victory". But what can you say to someone who has yet to learn their lesson? Life’s a good thing. We keep finding that out every day.