"Friends, enemies, undeciders - lend me your earlobes! I have come here today to apologize. I truly have fucked up the world. The blood on my hands is unsufferable. I am tragical like Shakespeare. How many times have I stood before you like a sixth grader reading a very important book report, only to utter untruths from these lips. I am a terrorist upon the people of this planet, its environment and its very soul. I have burned down the house of God. All this, just because I'm an immature cunt.
"I realize now, had I stayed drunk and coked up in Texas, the world would be a better place. I could have led a meaningless, drifting - but harmless - existence, instead of becoming the warmongol I am today. I regret to inform you, I have become the greatest terrorist of our time. There are those on this planet today with whom we cannot coexist. And when I looked in the mirror, I realized I was not a co-exister.
"A solution must be found. Healing must begin. Shine a light on the truth of my actions. Mold a new reality, closer to the heart. Give peace a chance. Love is the answer. Effective immediately, I am firing all the dickheads who work for me - even my boss, the big Dick himself. And now I give voice to my sorrow through the deep and meaningful lyrics of ABBA:
"I realize now, had I stayed drunk and coked up in Texas, the world would be a better place. I could have led a meaningless, drifting - but harmless - existence, instead of becoming the warmongol I am today. I regret to inform you, I have become the greatest terrorist of our time. There are those on this planet today with whom we cannot coexist. And when I looked in the mirror, I realized I was not a co-exister.
"A solution must be found. Healing must begin. Shine a light on the truth of my actions. Mold a new reality, closer to the heart. Give peace a chance. Love is the answer. Effective immediately, I am firing all the dickheads who work for me - even my boss, the big Dick himself. And now I give voice to my sorrow through the deep and meaningful lyrics of ABBA:
No more carefree laughtersilence ever after
walking through an empty house
tears in my eyes
here is where the story ends
this is goodbye
Knowing me, knowing you
there is nothing we can do
knowing me, knowing you
we just have to face it
this time we're through
breaking up is never easy I know
but I have to go
knowing me, knowing you
it's the best I can do
Mem'ries, good days, bad days
they'll be with me always
in these old familiar rooms
children would play
now there's only emptiness
nothing to say
Knowing me, knowing you
there is nothing we can do
knowing me, knowing you
we just have to face it
this time we're through
breaking up is never easy I know
but I have to go
knowing me, knowing you
it's the best I can do
"I cannot face the world but my informants have told me I must save face. I shall bring honor back to my life with this genuine set of Ginsu knives. A Japan person is suicidal and so shall I be in my shame to bring back honor. It's what they call Harry Carey. Now I shall do unto myself as I have done unto others:
No comments:
Post a Comment