The Good Wife Confesses

The Good Wife was lauded by all. Never did she complain. Never did she fail to do what was expected. Never did she betray her vows. But always she protected her image, her god. But the prisoner was breaking out.

She married the wrong man. The meaning of this she had fought for years. "ANY marriage is good." "Vows make you holy. Break them and lose your holiness." "I'm only useful as a wife." But the lies washed away her good feelings like the house built on sand. She found herself defending her own death. Did she want to die?

Religion had always been her hiding place; a place where holiness could be earned outside her conscience. So she went for a priestly confession, hoping once more her secret fears would be allied. Being a prisoner was hell. The idea of being trapped, intolerable. No way out. Was this behind her looming dread of a death by drowning?

"Father, I fear the truth. I've had no sex outside my marriage, but I feel like a whore for I have relations with a man I do not love. I love what he brings me, but I do not love him. Is that not close enough?

"I ache to be useful but I am only used. I see now I shall forever be useless if I stay with the wrong man. It empties me out and leaves me dry. I am nothing more than a slave, an object. I find myself doing the same crime to my children. My labors are pointless and meaningless. Does God value my labors in keeping my marriage?

"They say I'm a Good Wife. That I do my duty. But I did not. I was selfish and married too young, before I knew who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. Now it rots my soul. I am deathly terrified to speak what I feel. I punished myself for my silence but that did no help. I'm hopelessly weak and cannot leave. There was once a boy who called me beautiful truly and I think of him often. But if I do not act on this, I am still faithful, right?"

The Father was disgusted. "The answer to all your questions is: No. No - to love a man for his possessions is to prostitute yourself. No - your efforts are wasted if they have no meaning to you. And, no - you are not a good wife. You took the institution of marriage and perverted it. And then you took pride in that. You should fear the truth!"

The eyes of the cornered rat darted to and fro. This was not the absolution she'd hoped for. Priests aren't supposed to share their honest feelings! Of all the luck to find one who was not dishonest. The cornered rat saw no choice. "Yeah, well, fuck you too. If you think I'm giving up a $200,000 house and my kids just to go work some crap job and scrape by as a divorced woman, you're out of your gord! I don't need a soul that bad!"

(Years later, when her boy came of age, he could stand the lies of his useless life no more and ended it with a gun. Her image god now shattered, the Good Wife's life spiraled out of control and burned to the ground. She punished herself with a bullet; a six shooter for a savior.)