Monday, May 15, 2006

Ode to the Gunfighter

When my book was criticized for not being in a specific genre, I sarcastically wrote this poem as a Western. Not sure if John Ford would have wanted the movie rights to this...



Big Bad Bob
Was new on the scene.
Beautiful, proud and
Just plain obscene!

"Dee Debby Dee
"Was my true love.
"My heart fit her
"Like a hand-made glove!"

"But on her love
"I shut the door.
"So now I search
"For love no more!"

"I'm best with the gun!
"You watch and see!
"Come gather 'round
"And worship me!"

None believed him,
None thought it true.
"Well, just follow me!
"I'll make fools of you!"

But Jim Jimmy Jim
Had the best gun.
When men saw him
They all would run.

Big Bad Bob laughed
At Jim Jimmy Jim.
"I have a dog who's
"Better than him!"

Those were words
Worth dying for.
For with their guns
They were both whores.

These lovers of death
Went to the street.
A man can't live
If he can be beat!

And so death rang out
Within their battle.
As in the slaughter
Of stupid cattle.

And thus Jim Jimmy Jim
Gave up his life.
And Big Bad Bob
Had a new wife.

He smirked at the
Soul-less Jim Jimmy Jim.
Then strutted over
And jacked off on him.

Big Bad Bob loved
His dick to be seen.
Beautiful, proud and
Just plain obscene!

He left it out
For all to worship.
Calling loudly
For its courtship.

Sad women did swoon
And did fall under,
Gratefully feeling
His lusty plunder.

All through the town
He was hero to all.
They wished to be him,
Both big and small.

Old Virginia
Came out of her house.
She yelled to the world,
"That man's a louse!"

But they beat her back
With stick and stone.
"She was just jealous
"Of his bone!"

So day and night
His dick would stay out.
"Somebody beat me!"
He would shout.

So gunfighters came
From across the land.
Against Big Bad Bob
They tried their hand.

But he would beat them,
Every last one.
They ended up dead
And covered in cum.

When Vy Vickie Vy
Saw what he could do,
She creamed aloud,
"My all for you!"

She was his servant,
His mommy and slave.
She cared not
If she served a knave.

She loved his dick
And kept it real big;
Making for it
A miniature wig.

Wide eyed people came
From miles around,
To watch her dress up
Her strutting clown.

And women would please it
Who stood in a line;
And men would please it
Who liked to whine.

They were days of boasting
And days of great feasts.
And none could conquer
The dangling beast.

But then came the ghost
Of Jim Jimmy Jim,
His timid brother
Tim Timmy Tim.

He rode into town
Armed with only the truth;
Calling Big Bad Bob
Out of his booth.

Big Bad Bob yelled
Back to this clod,
"Don't fuck with me!
"I am a god!"

The people there
All shook their head;
Said Tim Timmy Tim
Would soon be dead.

But said Tim Timmy Tim,
"I know what is true!
"I know what it is
"That frightens you!"

Retorted Bob:

"No man alive
"Can frighten me!
"My dick's still out
"For all to see!"

But out came a mirror
From Tim Timmy Tim,
And Big Bad Bob
Saw his image just then.

Cold monster eyes
Were upon his face;
And they pleaded to run
Away from their place.

He tried to get mean,
To stare them down;
But all his hate
Just came back around.

Big Bad Bob just stood -
His dick hanging out.
The wondering people
Starting to shout:

"Beautiful, proud and
"Just plain obscene!
"That is the image
"We have seen!"

Big Bad Bob saw
They loved him so;
But it was his love
He craved to show.

This lost soul cried,
"What should I do?
"Somebody tell me
"What's false and what's true!"

Bob found his death gun,
And took in his breath;
With a bang Big Bad Bob
Had finished his death.

And thus crumpled down
An image of man;
His image of life
Had all been a scam.

Then Vy Vickie Vy
Let out a scream,
"But he was beautiful, proud
"And just plain obscene!"

This illusion destroyed
She could not understand;
She held on to his dick
With her delicate hand.

And thus he lied
In his final despair,
Big Bad Bob
With his dick in the air.

Then angels spoke
Who'd witnessed it all,
Repeating words of
The Maker of all,

"For this is God's
"Judgment on you:
"I let you
"Decide what's true."

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