More Proof We Are Now the U.S.S.A

NSA has massive database of Americans' phone calls

"It's the largest database ever assembled in the world". The agency's goal is "to create a database of every call ever made".
Boy, do I feel safe now! No way a terrorist can attack us. We've got them all on double secret probation! See, there's two ways we can catch them. First we look for certain keywords because we know all terrorists speak like this: "On Monday, May 12, I, Mr. Al Qaeda, plan to blow up [insert building name]". No way they are smart enough to use innocuous code words that are impossible to search on. HAHAHA! Morons. Secondly, we are analyzing call patterns. Meaning if you are making lots of calls to somebody, you've got to be up to something. Gotcha!

Now it's time to make Daddy happy. Like the KGB used to say, "If you've got nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about." I'm a good citizen. Look at me Daddy! Pat me on the head and LoJack my ass. My Daddy loves me and would never do anything wrong. It's so good to live here in the United Soviet States of America, the land of the free - even if we aren't.