Sometimes you just have to say something. Make a moral stand, I say! I try to be generous to my fellow man but comes a point where enough is enough! Must we listen and suffer the losers of this world forever? We winners are a patient lot but really, is it my fault your life sucks?
I think not!
Life is good aboard my luxury yacht, the S.S. Bailout. Bless those taxpayers' hearts. Finally they earn their keep! The world is of the rich, by the rich and for the rich. You know why? Because all good things come from us. Ain't no homeless bum going to give you a job to keep a roof over your head. Remember this: there's nothing more important in life than taking care of the rich.
And be honest, you know you want to be rich too! Ah, here comes one of my employees now, a Mexican boy I rescued from dire poverty who now gets seven whole dollars an hour! I really don't know where all this talk of racism comes from. I let all sorts of races toil for me.
"Hello, Pedro, how are you today?"
"It's Paco."
"Now listen, Pedro, you keep working hard and doing a good job washing my cars and someday you'll have a yacht like this too!"
"Yes, senor, everybody in America believe that."
"That's right! This is the land of opportunity! You just remember that, boy. Work! Work! Work! And everything will be fine."
On his way to his first million - if he does a good job!
Now, where was I? Ah yes, the abuse we rich have to endure. It's outrageous! Take that BP well that had that unfortunate one in a million act of God happen to it. What do people expect? Perfection? And they literally crucified my good friend Whatshisname the CEO. How disgusting. No one says a word about all the wells that don't leak do they? Damn liberal media!
Like who can make a well not leak if the good Lord makes safety too expensive? You people so wronged a good man. Life is certainly cruel sometimes. I hear all this hullabaloo about some fisherman who offed himself. Why? Because he cares so much about the fish he brings up to kill? I think not! Darwin explained this long ago. Nature dictated he should die - not our artificial economic system. And - oh wait - a phone call.
Speak of the devil! It's my good friend, BP CEO guy.
"Hey, guy, what's going on?...You quit? Why? You had it made?...Well, at least I hope they made it worth your while...Eh, 18 million is better than nothing I guess. At least now you can get your life back!...I told you not to say "little people". They hate being reminded of that!...What firm do you have doing your lying for you?...Those guys? Those cocksuckers couldn't lie their way out of a paper bag. I got a neo-con that will blow your mind!...Hell yeah, he got us into Iraq, didn't he? He's one helluva liar!...Can you hold a sec, I'm doing a very important blog."
He's feeling really down everyone. Hope you're fucking happy ruining a man's life like this, mocking him for one little mistake. You dirty, little people!
Do I really look sincere?
"Nah, nobody important. I got to put these malcontents and losers in their place. I'm sick of all this whining. I want to see happy shiny faces around me!...You're right! It's that bastard Obama's fault. Fucking liberals are destroying this country! I worked hard for my ill-gotten gains...Yup, I saw those tea partiers on TV. There's nothing they don't hate!...I know! Makes me want to join too! We need more useful idiots like that. We should encourage them...Wow, you really are feeling low...Well, I'd hold off before I sold the Ferrari. Don't do anything rash!...Look, I'd love to stay and chat but I have a girl here and she gives one hellacious blow job!...Alcohol and sleeping pills? That might do the trick. Let me know if you survive!"
What a depressing guy! I can't stand people who go on and on about their conscience. Has anyone ever actually seen one? Just a bunch of bullshit poor people make up. Problem with this country is all the broken homes we got. We need more stand up parents like mine. Mom always said I'd never amount to anything without selling my soul. She was right! What a useless thing a soul is!
And remember this you lovely pot scrubbers you: money worship is the only way! Anything else is just suicide and chaos and will destroy the whole planet - not like now! I just love the free-to-fuck-you system. Hold steady to that and I'll be just fine. Shit, that reminds me, I gotta call my broker. "Hey you, darkie, bring my phone so you'll have a purpose in life."
"Yes, yes, buy me that munitions stock. We're going to need guns and bullets for a long time to come!...Hehe, that's funny! They'll be so goddam hungry they won't be able to shoot straight!...Too true! Like they can even afford them anyway! God I just love it when I see cops beating up the poor...I know! It's a free country. They can buy stocks too...Some people you just can't help. I asked my gardener about his portfolio and you know what he said? 'I done sprayed for that already, boss!' What can you do?...Oh, Obama, he's been a godsend. Badmouthing us on one hand and kissing our ass with the other. That boy knows where his bread is buttered! But all his high talk got people thinking he's doing something real, hehe...I completely agree. Never give a sucker an even break!"
Bottom line is this: I don't know what everyone is bitching about! I'm going to be just fine. Sometimes you just have to thin the herd, cut out those who aren't pulling their weight - and their children too. It's great to be me! And after all, I didn't invent the system we live by. The minute we change our minds is the minute things change. But don't do that! Don't ever change! All the bad shit that happened this time will never happen again. Thank God we saved the system! Keep everything just like it is! After all, what else is there to live for but to be rich?
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