Oh, baby! I got a funny joke for you!
Maybe it's me delivery, but my pick-up lines at bars just ain't working for me. I see me a long pair of stems and I says to her, "Boy, I'd sure love to rape them on a regular basis!" Then she goes off and slaps me! You don't want to meet Mr. Woody? Or suppose she got her a real nice ass. "Hey, honey, I'd sure love to hump that rump! Don't bend over for the cocktail napkin!" Then they get all self-righteous like they on Oprah or something. It doesn't even help when I try to smooth it over. "Hey, it's not really sex. I just want to see that look on your face!" That's usually when I gets me a free drink - dripping off my face.
Am I missing something here? That last line I got from Richard Pryor speaking right up on stage. Whole audience thought it was big time funny! And that "don't bend over" line gets lots of laughs when I hear people say that too. But like I said, it must be way I is sayin' it. Oh, I know when I hear them lines they talking about prison rape, but ain't all rape funny? Is there some sort of rule nobody's telling me? Maybe I should try, "Hi, honey, I'd sure like to rape you in prison!" Yeah, that should work.
Now I know there are some touchy-feely, pussy-ass liberals out there calling me insensitive and shit, but guess what? I got the Attorney General of the United States on my side! That's right, a real life authority figure! And his boss is that commie lefty Obama-man so don't lecture me on no right-wing conspiritols! For once a Democrap gets it right! He thinks ya'll are just as full of shit as I do. I'm tough on crime!
I got a log you can hug!
Seems back in 2003 they passed this dumbass law saying some group of know-it-alls needed to get together and decide if prison rape was a bad thing or not. Hell, I coulda done told them right off! But six years later these high faluting perfessers or whatever come and say yeah, that rapin' is bad. Yup, had me shakin' my head too. Hey, morons, they in prison for a reason! Then they spout off how about these "reforms" gotta happen by last June and even pass a law sayin' so!
But my boy Eric has got my back! He says to them Congressers with a straight face how he has "regret" he can't put no reforms in but, hey guys, he's working fast as he can - hahahaha! You tell 'em Eric! They need to go back to their ivory towers and coddle some prisoners. Them prisoners may not all be guilty, be they all sure does deserved to be raped. Otherwise they just want to go right back in for the easy life. Hello! It's not supposed to be fun, folks!
Best part is he got them pussy liberals all riled up. They figure there's only about 60,000 rapes a year - but that's not real rapin' anyway. What? You gonna give them counseling or something? I read once how a lowlife here in Texas got raped and went whining to a prison guard, but that guard just laughed in his face - just like he should! Thank God for Texas and real justice! I hope he told him, "Don't bend over for the soap!" Maybe I should get me a prison guard to come to the bar with me so he show me how to say it funny like.
I really want to hear 'bout you bein' raped!
But anyways this one guy says Eric holdin' out like he is "is asking for time so that another 60,000 can be raped." Hell, yeah! You so worried you can go give them murderers and rapists a hug. Me? I want justice! Listen to this hear high-minded talk:
"When you look at the political spectrum that's represented at the podium here this morning, you realize that there is something very fundamental at stake here, a question of the most fundamental human dignity, human rights and constitutional rights," Winter said.
Hey, lady, they're PRISONERS ya moron! They ain't got no dignity comin' to 'em! Am I the only what got any sense? Even some fake Christians want to get in on the act:
What makes this such an important issue for conservative evangelical Christians? "We believe in law and order," Duke said. "We expect law and order everywhere." There's also the matter of moral failing. Our leaders "have failed to fulfill the responsibilities that have been entrusted to them," Duke said.
Try readin' the Bible sometime, asshole. Eye for a eye! But my boy Eric set them straight!
"When I speak to wardens, when I speak to people who run local jails, when I speak to people who run state facilities, they look at me and they say 'Eric, how are we supposed to do this?' If we are going to segregate people, build new facilities, do training, how are we supposed to do this? And that is what we are trying to work out, ways in which we can follow the dictates of the statute and do something that is going to be meaningful, not something that is simply going to be a show thing, something that is going to have a measurable impact."
At least somebody gets it!
These nuts actually want to spend money to stop the rapin'! What fer? That's the craziest thing I ever heard of! I'm like the last person what got any common sense! How you gonna train them guards not to laugh? It just ain't human to ask them not to be like that. These reformers are just making trouble and actin' like animals! But funny part is when I hear them right-thinkin' lefties saying, "Get off Obama's back! He can't fix everything at once!" I'm right there with ya, pal! Down with troublemakers! Up with rapin'!
But until I get all this rapin' stuff like totally figured out, guess I'll just have to go back to my old line: "You sure got some purty lips!"
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