She Found A Way Out

First she rang me, then she found a way out. To the paramedics in the ambulance she was just another overfed, suburban housewife taking pills for thrills. They didn't know her dreams had died or the wondrous soul she brought into this world, they didn't know who she was at all. They just knew what she was: dying and soon to be dead.

All the great evil men in history drove their wives to suicide. I join their ranks. I made the walls too high to climb and the water too deep to cross. I was a madman on a solitary throne, decreeing dictates to dead rocks, and glorying in my ruins. I watered weeds in defiance, calling it good even as their thorns ripped my flesh and I cried out to God for relief. But God wasn't on my island.

God was in an ambulance two thousand miles away.


You are nothing to me now, world. I kiss you as Michael kissed Fredo in heartbreak. Go on with your raping and killing and torture, thinking you're saving yourselves. Torture your children for God and praise the poison you feed them. Set your hearts on fire so that you will then do the same to the world. Be as rotten and corrupt as you wish to be, you have my blessings. You are nothing to me now.

Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong;
Let him who is vile continue to be vile;
Let him who does right continue to do right;
And let him who is holy continue to be holy.

For those who wish to know, it will happen like this: in seven years you will reach the tipping point, thinking at long last you can make your lies work and the future is bright. You will pull out all the stops to excess then and open the seals of doom, feeling invulnerable, thinking you're taking the final step to freedom only to find the abyss. For three years you will endure the dawning of the horror, learning that yes, evil does have a price after all, Virginia. There will be no "bailouts" this time, just a time for final payment.

And pay you will.

By your own hand.


Just as you believe it necessary now to throw people into the streets, you will think it necessary then to kill one another and watch your children die, all the while screeching it is the "only way", your souls completely possessed. Don't look to my eyes for pity. Love was what was necessary, not society's sanctioned sin. Don't look to God to refill the well you drained dry - or do, I don't care. Either way it's the same.


I curse you now because I can, because the decision has been entrusted to me. The hope is gone, vanishing in a plastic bottle of despair. The sun is no more, the moon an orphan. The world has gone black. Give everything you have to give. It won't save the sinking ship but that does not matter, it will save you. What matters is to be able to live with yourself - there is no other survival than that.


But what matters anything I do now?


Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.