She Rang Me

She rang me today. I wondered why my heart raced when I heard the phone. It was that magical feeling of the old days. I fought it back, admonishing myself for wishful thinking from a simple ring. But my instincts had proven right.

It was Her.

Panicked to the bone, ecstatic in my joy, burning with curiosity - I was all those things and more. The emotional whirlwinds had returned. How can one human being feel so vulnerable to another? It was like facing my Maker. I can analyze this all I want, nothing changes. The fear and adrenaline never leave.

Funny how the fate of a life can come down to electrical wires spanning thousand of miles, that without that connection only silence would be. Are our massive communication networks merely physical embodiments of our spiritual connections? I would say so. Funny how that doesn't make it any easier to communicate.

I have passed up previous phone calls. Decisions which have made me impossible to live with myself. Now is the time to take the plunge, before it's too late and my heart burns up and blows away forever. Feeling like a child, I picked up the receiver and this is what I heard:


Like I said, all the phones in the world don't make it any easier to talk. But I knew what her silence was saying: How can I speak and not lose everything? How can I admit my life up to this point has been a complete lie? How do I tell my children I brought them into a home with no foundation? How can I go on living this way, dying every day? How can I expect someone to bail me out after turning my back on him? How can I do anything?

Those are answers I obviously can not provide. All I can do is think about She that I knew. The One to whom life had no end and took me out of this world. The One who made the impossible possible. The One who gave me involuntary smiles and a child's hopes. The One who had me skipping for joy down the street, yelling to the neighbors to look who I found. The One who brought Light and Healing to the dark world. She was that One.

She had called to claim me without claiming herself. She'd heard of the New Hip, the emerging wave that said "Truth has no meaning, do what you want." She found that dangerously exciting and edgy to be a part of the Latest Trend. Perhaps she reasoned I'd be proud of her for that, for stepping out into something new - and to have stopped listening to her stupid self. I despised her for that.

I knew who She was - shame that's not who She wanted to be.

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In this life I've seen everything I can see, woman,
I've seen lovers flying through the air hand in hand
I've seen babies dancing in the midnight sun,
And I've seen dreams that came from the heavenly skies above
I've seen old men crying at their own grave sides
And I've seen pigs all sitting watching, picture slides
But I never seen nothing like you.

Do ya do ya want my love
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
Do ya do ya want my love

Well I, heard the crowd singin' out of tune,
As they, sat and sang Auld Lang Syne by the light of the moon
I heard the preachers bangin' on the drums,
And I heard the police playin' with their guns
But I never heard nothin' like you.

In the country where the sky touches down
On the field, she lay her down to rest
In the morning sun,
They come a'runnin' just to get a look, just to
Feel to touch her long black hair, they don't give a damn

Do ya do ya want my love
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
Do ya do ya want my love

Well I think you know what I'm trying to say, woman,
That is I'd like to save you for a rainy day,
I've seen enough of the world to know,
That I've got to get it all to get it all to grow.

Do ya do ya want my love
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
Do ya do ya want my love