Why is it the sounds of nature are so much more noticeable just before battle? I find my mind singing along with the songs of chirping birds, carefree and joyful. All of Nature comes alive in this most gravest of moments! My eyes stray to gently bending flowers in the breeze. In all the world, my only desire is to lovingly stroke the mane of my horse on this cool, cloudy day.
Do I dare tell my men the true senselessness of our combat? Do I tell them of the futility of diverting one's life to war? True, as supreme leader I do have a greater purpose: to unite all of Japan under a single sword. The reins of power belong in my capable hands only but I do that for the greater good as well as myself. The merely ambitious fall before me, crushed by our united belief the winds of the gods are at our back. Who can resist such a force?
Still, the songbirds' celebration of life gives me pause in the spilling of blood on this day laced with life's love. And I know even when my own conquests are finished it won't be the end of war on this contentious planet. No, man's future is easy to see on this path and these will not be the final blooms of spring laid desolate by the lust of men. Alas, my only wish is to stay the madness of men forever, never leaving this port in time, never giving the signal for inner revelation.
With all eyes on me, what if I turn my horse around and melt back into Nature as my being so dearly longs to do? Are such dreams even possible? Would that not be how life is truly meant to be? I swear those crows are calling my name! Gentle trees invite me to rest under their strong canopy of branches. Even the annoying insects buzz peacefully and purposely in this most clear-sighted of moments. What is the true reality here after all?
How perverse the worldly life when one must hide even the flickering of doubt of death. When I finally relent and give the order "Kill!" they will cheer and hail my name in unison. But to walk away from war - the real war, the war within - I'd be reviled to infamy. And yet, though I fear my comrades to brand me traitor and coward, would I not be History's hero: "He chose life."
In my private gardens I insist upon serenity and harmony above all else. From such staples does beauty flow, the aesthetics empty vessels without them. I stroll through in precious ease, savoring the infinity of a single leaf, wishing to lose myself in it forever - but I never do. In those times of quiet I'm invaded by constant thoughts of war, my heart grieving in its captivity.
But I feel the longed-for Oneness now on the verge of battle! Why come to me when I'm least able to embrace it? Yes, I agree this is the Way to life above all else. But tomorrow! Tomorrow I shall embrace thee. Stop luring me to tempting paradise and impractical poetry, to dance with the dandelions. Oh, the forces I must fight in the raising of my semaphore hand, giving forth to unleashing the chaos of my soul. With the dropping of my arm I'm doused in flames, my separation utter and complete.
Pain...twisting innards...a bending of my will...can I survive? More worrisome is the exhilaration, riding the waves of insanity, caught in the netherworld of grasping both life and death, bringing forth the poetry of war. Victory's bribe inflames our hearts, to the losers a just dessert for having obstructed the justice of unification. But silent is my humiliation as a butterfly lands triumphantly and fearlessly on my horse's head, innocence retained. Tonight we will feast and toast our "victory" but my true heart shall celebrate nothing. It's the birds and the butterfly and the breeze who won today. We lost.
[It was said that Oda Nobunaga, the first great unifier of Japan, was hot when you expected him to be cold and cold when you expected him to be hot. His warriors did not understand his half-hearted joy and then early departure from the evening's merriment. Oda had lashed out once again at Mitsuhide, one of his most ablest generals, seemingly just to torment him, to see if his soul could survive it. But this eventually drove Mitsuhide to madness and he ambushed Oda, killing him, depriving him of seeing the final unification. (Shortly after, Mitsuhide was killed by Hideyoshi who became Taiko and the second great unifier of the Japans.)]
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