America, You Make Warrin' Fun!

Yes, he's pretending the stapler is a walkie-talkie

Ernie is a the world's worst con man. Afterwards he always says, "I's just joshin' ya, man!" Like he was joking all along. But really he views his con games like a lottery ticket: outrageous fortune requiring outrageous luck. You never know what his ingenious mind will come up with next! The man has a certain talent I can't put my finger on but his is just one of many wastes I see here in the shelter. So instead of getting pissed like I usually do when someone wants to sell me something, I grinningly obliged Ernie when he said he had "the deal of the century" for me. Hey wait, we're only like ten years into it...

Like me, I think Ernie belongs in movies, opening his ever present jacket to reveal his prized wares just like the classic stereotypical hustler. In hushed tones in a secluded corner he dramatically lifts out a folded paper from his inner pocket, his eyes alive with the promise of Oz. "You're gonna love this, Harry! I thought of you right away. Get those bastards back, I sez to meself, ol' Harry will know what to do with this. If ya can't beat 'em, fuck 'em!"

I take the paper and I unfold it with astonishment. The man spent hours on this! Very official looking and impressive in its detail. I look back up at Ernie and he explodes as he sees my appreciation. "So whatcha think! Steal of the century, eh? Yours for fifty measly bucks: your very own cost plus contract!" It was so goddam funny and painstakingly done I almost wanted to pay the guy. In fact, I felt guilty not paying him.

I think Ernie was a mortgage broker in his previous life

"This is great shit, Ernie! You really outdid yourself this time." I started chuckling and shaking my head. "I don't know man. This is pretty crazy..."

"It's America, Harry! Get in on the juice, man. We make warrin' fun!"

That floored me! What a genius fucking line! And so damn true! This is what frustrates me here so much on the streets. I hear so much goddam genius that never gets shared. Priceless insight those over-prepped talking heads on TV wouldn't have the balls to say in a million years. Give me your man-in-the-street-interview any day over some shit-stalling congressman. But I did tell him I was going to shamelessly steal his line and turn it into a posting for my blog.

*******

The seventh anniversary of our Iraqi insanity just passed a couple of days ago. A day which will live in infamy - only this time we're the Japanese. I've heard it said we must lie and not honor the truth of why we fight, to say our children die in Iraq for a useful purpose - but they do not. They die for nothing, their lives wasted. But as long as we continue to support vile lies saying they serve freedom and a greater good, we will never be able to stop this madness. Those who started this war counted us staying liars and self-serving fools, that we would cling to a false pride. To those willing to be deceived, deceivers will come!

So yeah, the neighbor's kid got blown up, or he offed himself he came back such a head case (Suicides of Iraq veterans could top combat deaths) or some other trivial shit happens but hey, what war is perfect? And war debt, ha! What's three quarters of a trillion dollars between friends? And thank God we've had over ten times the American casualties of 9/11 or we'd really not be safe. We're showing those terrorists we know what we're doing! (Of course, a few hundred thousand "bad guys" died on the other side but they don't count. How do I know they were bad guys? They're dead aren't they?!)

A good American stays stoned

They told us this would be a painless war and by God, they were right! I can drink beer and watch TV and not feel a damn thing. Some say those predator drone attacks are wrong but if that's true, why don't I feel bad? This boy ain't listening to no worry warts and naysayers! Freedom ain't free - only financial slavery is. Good Americans pay the price and better ones rake in the spoils. Yes sir, it's a great way to live. Lesser countries have died from instituting wholesale slaughter to plunder resources from others but not us. Just makes you wanna sing!

Swee-e-e-et, wonderful war,
You make me happy when you kill some more.
Oh-a-woe, we'll make some dough,
We're getting richer making the oil flow.

I never did believe in easy money,
But that's before I knew the easy lie.
I never did believe holy war is tragic,
Now I'm shopping until I die.

Do-o-o-n't, don't stop the hell,
This war is different when the blood we spill,
Yo-o-o-u, you make warrin' fun!
And I don't have to tell you that death means we've won.

Oooh . . . you make warrin' fun. (Our debts are never due.)
Oooh . . . you make warrin' fun. (Kills we'll never rue.)
Oooh . . . you make warrin' fun. (Makes me wanna screw!)

War is America's aphrodisiac. No wonder we're so ashamed of our sex.

[Fifty was too much for this poor boy to part with but after some heavy duty bickering I slipped Ernie a slick twenty. Funny part was I really did have an inkling of a war profiteering rush: sanctioned greed and unquestioned immorality. Corruption is cool!]

_____________________________________

Feeling nostalgic so thought I'd open up the ol' Iraqi scrapbook.

Homes are overrated guys.
We threw ours away too.

So now I know what Jesus would do?

Is this war or just special effects? Who cares - it's cool!

Winning those hearts and minds!

Haliburton got the contract to subdevelop

Just needs a pet to be fulfilled!

Fallujah disobeyed so we smoked their ass! Yeehaw!

There's one of those troublemaking Fallujans now!

What? You mean there's oil here too? We just came to bring freedom!

There's no crying in American wars!
(And, uh, you might wanna keep that gun for when you get home -
unless all those yellow ribbons on cars cheer you up!)

Sign says, "Danger, American profits at work"