A Day in the Strife

    "Oh, shit. Don't come this way."
    Three spanish guys are walking in my direction. They're smirking about something. Maybe me. Maybe some private joke. Brace up, they're getting close. One of them is eyeing me. Wonder if he's gonna say something. No...they keep passing by. Is it for real or they going to turn around? Nah, I'm ignored now. Whew.
    Everything here is all pillars and concrete. Everything else is windows they spy out from. Just walking by an office gives me the creeps. Probably does them, too. I'm going to move over by the parking garage to get away from prying eyes. Now I'll just look like a car thief.


    Time for some food anyway. At last, I can conduct some Legitimate Business. I will be Purchasing a Product. Damn, gotta cross the street first. God, I hate that. All those people in those cars will see me. Judgmental bastards. Who's gonna laugh at the homeless loser scampering across the street? Four fucking lanes to boot.
    In a strip mall parking lot now. Convenience store at the end. Fuck! Bunch of damn teenage girls giggling out front. I'm not going to be their target. The world is all cell phones and clothes and cars to them. No concept of reality. Aliens. God, I hate them. I'd pay $50 just to kiss their toes.


    Good, Momma is rounding them up, I can go in now. Now it's time for The Eyes. All eyes will be on me, The Suspect. Employees, cameras, managers behind the mirror. What will the homeless guy try to get away with? They know I'm not one of them. My stomach's a knot as I approach the counter. Am I frowning without knowing it? I always wonder about that after I leave and start relaxing again. Clerk seems friendly enough. Two fried pies and a lottery ticket. See? I'm a legitimate customer. Don't hate me.
    It's hard to find a place to hide. I went into a truck stop once. It was awesome. Had everything, even a giant TV watching room. I remember sitting and thinking, "This is great! I can kill a lot of time here." Naturally, I got spotted by some trucker. "What kind of truck do you drive?" I said nothing since the only reply I could think of was 'Tonka'. He then went off to tell me how the room was only for truckers, yadda, yadda, yadda. Knew it was all too good to be true...


    Better to find a public place - anywhere away from businesses. Parks are good. Has to be a certain type, though. Not too nice, not too rough. Just blend in and eat your food. I know where all the good places are. I have secret hotel restrooms I use for cleaning up. You have to rotate around so you don't get "known". Staying clean is a huge advantage I have over other homeless guys. That and a P O Box.
    Food's gone. Day is pretty. Warm winter is lucky for me. I love being around people. Just watching them stroll through the park, seeing all the different expressions. I live vicariously through them. I need to see people laughing and living. Makes me see it is possible. Debby...


    Stress pains returning to my stomach. Dying in slow motion is not fun. I'm jealous of the deaths I read about in the paper. "Free at last!" I cry. We're stuck here. They get to go to a place where they're not dependent on others. No more false witnesses. No artificial rules. Just rise and fall on your own merits - as it should be.
    Libraries are great. A lot of my ilk abuse them, which just makes it harder for me. I love to get lost in a book and shut out harsh reality (but, man, it hurts when it comes rushing back in). Sometimes I get the nerve up to read in a book store but that's rare. Here, I'm supposed to read. I'm quite a literate fellow. I had a temp job at a warehouse once. One of the forklift drivers had a degree in literature. We got along well - the world had no use for either of us.


    Mordor is always lurking. Its trolls in blue scour the streets. Orc punks taunt and attack us. The great Mordor nation blows black smoke into the skies and declares itself  Holy. There are few places where the great Eye cannot see. Sure wish I knew how to live out in the country like that pot guy does. Here, the Black Riders hunt you down and their idea of redemption is to make you one of them.
    The nightmares of the day replay in the nightmares of the night. Always surrounded. Always on the run. I've had dreams where my whole life is nothing but an eternal chase. Still, I need to try and rest. A cop already came by. They know about this place for sleeping. It'll be OK as long as there's no break-ins in the area. I'd be the first suspect.