Woke up in the alley with a boner this morning. God I hate that. I can't let my thoughts turn to wanting a life. It's just too painful. Every day I have to pass people on the street with lives of their own, living in a completely different world than mine. I live in their shadow world. To have a life like theirs is inconceivable to me. And yet, I still cry out for it.
A cop came by and asked me some questions right after I woke up. He didn't make me leave (shocking) but when he came back later he seemed really pissed I was still there. I scurried away and back into the "normal" people. I can't take this anymore. If 2006 is my last year that's OK. I'm just too tired. And God wants me dead anyway.
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