Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Hour Of Guilt: How To Kill A One-Armed Samurai


Takura's misery was legendary even before his timely demise. A fixture in the seaside city of Ajiro, his sake-soaked days made him a pariah, loathed by both high and low. But his status as a samurai in 17th century Japan assured him certain privileges to where the only safe reaction was just to ignore him. And besides, he was scary.

The grotesqueness of Takura's life fascinated the children who spied upon him from peeping corners. No one knew exactly what was eating at him but the children's instincts told them he was different - and in ancient Japan, to be different was to feed an unspoken hunger in a nation who prides itself on its homogeneity. They couldn't take their eyes off him. But never did they learn of what drove him.

Before "The Event" - which permanently altered the course of his life - Takura was an esteemed samurai in the famed Hosokawa clan. He had no political ambitions - or any ambition at all, really - but was naturally gifted with a sword and in a meritocracy like Imperial Japan this carried considerable weight. He knew he wasn't the best in the land and had no desire to go forth and test his skill. But his Aikido losses could be counted on one hand and his reputation was a point of honor with the clan. Still, trouble was brewing from within.

While Takura recognized his own ability with a sword, that was something he was born with, not something he created. Though martial abilities were still esteemed, the age of war had passed and a feeling of drowning purposelessness sank Takura into a whirlpool of doom he felt he could not escape. He almost resented his continued success as a competitor because it failed to belie the inner turmoil he sequestered from an unforgiving world. The more he did what was expected, the more praise he received. The more praise he received, the more buried he felt. Where was hope to be found in the formalized structure that ruled his life with an iron grip?


Kyoko, his wife, was worshiped from afar by her husband. As a consequence of his position in the clan Takura was able to arrange her marriage to him and she blazed as a glittering star in his life. For a few short months he was on top of the world ("Look who I'm with!") before the Doubt started seeping in, slowly washing away the foundation of his trust. For while she gave him no cause for distrust - and never failed to openly reassure him of her actual happiness - the voice of Doubt could not be quelled. How exactly does being an Aikido expert make you worthy of love? What have you done in your life on your own? She will grow beyond you and leave you behind, an exposed fool to be mocked by the very clan that now exalts you.

That's what lead to The Event.

For a crime such as The Event the normal punishment would be death for an ordinary citizen. But not wanting to advertise the hideousness of one of its members, the clan leaders banished Takura for life, driving him to farthest parts of the island to live unknown. There Takura crawled into a sake bottle, never to return to the life he betrayed. Rumors abounded for his drunken behavior among the townspeople but Takura never cracked, the one clue he ever gave was his being "a widower." His self-loathing was obvious, but once in a drunken rage he displayed his skills, drawing his katana to deftly slice ornaments laid out for the upcoming Spring festival. And as samurai were placed at the pinnacle of the Japanese power structure, this town drunk was left to do as he pleased, not to be provoked.

Like a nearby volcano that lets out sporadic but continual streams of smoke, Takura's presence was given a leery look by his fellow citizens as they prayed he never explode. When Otokonoko came to town, however, they feared the worst.


Otokonoko arrived openly asking for the whereabouts of Takura. He'd spent eight long years in his painstaking search having long ago given up on discretion as an ally as frustration boiled over. Kyoko was his sister whom Takura had slain in a misguided fit of jealousy. Otokonoko, unlike the man he sought, overflowed with ambition and had been seeking his fortune in the new power center of Edo. Word never reached him of his sister's death until he returned to Ajiro two years later. In Edo, he was (rightly) seen as a lightweight, an obvious gold digger to the elites; his sort a dime a dozen. It was with his tail between his legs he returned home. Upon learning Kyoko's fate he vowed revenge loudly and publicly for all to see and hear. This would be how he would make his name.

Who can question how the stars align? As if by some miracle, Hisaka entered Takura's life. She needing to give, he needing to receive. He told her the only good thing in his life was that each day brought him one step closer to the grave. He refused seppuku so that he may live on in agony as he deserved. He explained, for the first time, he killed his wife for "cheating", only to later realize that was a fiction he'd concocted in his mind. A precious life was taken simply because of his own self-deception. What a monster. Having been forced to face what his life had truly made him, he could only look on in envy at the surrounding souls who lived in innocent desire while he burned in hell.

Though while unable to forgive himself, Hisaka did. Takura was too weak to refuse.

He would get fits of "moral" self-loathing, telling Hisaka to rid herself of his presence to better her life. But she was strong where he was weak. Takura didn't know what to make of this relationship but knew he needed it. Could he be trusted to nurture it? Would he take the final step to salvation?

Otokonoko entered the scene as if to answer that very question. Calling Takura out of the sake house for all to see, he demanded a duel at dawn in the woods in seven days to avenge his sister's death. The wait ostensibly allowed time for Takura to sober up and prepare so that the fight may be done with honor. But Takura would do no such thing. He spotted Otokonoko for what he was. As a veteran of so many sparring partners, Takura could spot the weak-minded a mile away. The challenge was refused. Compounding one killing with another was no answer. Idiot Otokonoko took this as a sign of weakness.


But during the seven day wait, lingering Doubt took hold as of old, whispering in the dead of night before dawn's deadline. There is evil in your arm! That evil killed Kyoko. Without your evil arm, none of this would have happened. She would be alive and you could lead an honest life. Do the right thing, for once!

Takura judged Nature had been wrong to let him live. The courage to trust himself never returned. He would make amends.

An hour before dawn, a messenger arrived. Otokonoko had taken Hisaka hostage, tying her to a tree at the duel site to ensure Takura's coming. This infuriated Takura who immediately decided to kill Otokonoko as he would a pestering fly. "His type do not deserve to live."

It was the best Takura had felt about himself since The Event. The clarity! He should live the rest of his life in this moment.

But do you deserve it? Do you ever deserve to feel good ever again? Was it not you who altered the course of Otokonoko's life that has led him to tying up Hisaka? You foul up everything! Who are you to decide anyone's fate?

By the time Takura got to the designated place, his mind was mush and his heart confused. Just what was the right thing to do? When he saw Otokonoko's red gloating face, the desire to kill him returned. But would that be moral?

"So the coward samurai shows up! I took your woman. Fight me, or I kill her like you did my sister, you drunken dog."

In combat, an unclear mind is the greatest hindrance. Takura's swirling mind needed to make a decision. Kill, or be killed. Neither seemed suitable. Then it came to him. He could easily manipulate the battle with this arrogant neophyte and then...

"Hahahaha! I did it! I sliced off your arm like the loser you are. My sister's ghost is watching and applauding. I shall stand here and watch you bleed to death. The gods are with me."

Takura had only one thing left to say as he blindly prayed to the gods that he'd at least partially made up for his past transgressions by shedding his talented limb. "Let her go. Let Hisaka go."


Hisaka screamed helplessly watching the maiming occur right before her eyes. She cried uncontrollably. But Otokonoko was full of himself as never before. His empty existence had meaning at last, a brave avenger of whom tales would be told. He'd go down in history. With the gods' wind at his back, he made a snap decision.

"And now, as final punishment for you slaying my innocent sister in cold blood, you shall watch as I kill someone you love in cold blood!"

Takura, who had deemed himself evil and let himself be convinced his helplessness would prevent further harm, realized too late the folly of that decision as he staggered futilely to stop the hellbent Otokonoko from slicing Hisaka in two. Seeing this insane, possessed figure commit this atrocity struck Takura that this must have of been how he looked committing his own atrocity. "If only I hadn't cowered in my own head..."

EPILOGUE: Otokonoko swaggered back to Ajiro expecting a hero's welcome for having rid the city of its most notorious nuisance. The response was muted. Seeing this bragging, loathsome creature made no one's heart sing and in fact his deed put Takura's time there in a whole new light. Otokonoko chalked it up to jealousy as he embarked on his expected victory tour upon return to his hometown where he would encounter no such baseless prejudice.

He never made it back. Believing he was more than he was, Otokonoko made another boastful challenge and was struck down by a laughing samurai as onlookers shook their head at the squandered life of a fool. With silence we plant seeds of tragedy, water it with miscommunication, and die from its poisoned fruit. So help me, God.


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