How A Bill Becomes A Duck

They said it was impossible to elect a duck as President of a country. But the Duck proved them wrong! True, a duck has no reasoning power, is incapable of nuanced thought, and sees the world in terms only to its self-benefit. What else can you expect? It's a freaking duck! But the people spoke and by a waterfowl they wished to be ruled.

A duck is out of its depth propped up as a President. It simply does what it has always known. It puts a goose, a goat, a chicken hawk, a jack ass, and various other wildlife in positions of power. The Duck is only comfortable among his own kind so humans are right out of the question. It's the Duck's world and we just live in it.

Fearing they may look foolish, those who put the Duck in power must then pretend the Duck can actually think and govern. For even though the Duck is simply following one shiny object after another (as ducks do), its supporters claim a brilliant strategy is being enacted, praising the Duck's unpredictability, and that its random changes in course are in fact not inconsistencies but reflects an ever-growing understanding. But really, it's just following the shiny.

The media, of course, must maintain their salaries, having many serious discussions on what options and philosophies the pig, the pony, and the otter might impose. Research is done on how nature affects the critical behavior patterns of the politically powerful platypus. Expert zoologists are called in to speculate on what might happen next. But really, they are just animals and even they don't know what they are going to do next.

Though it's obvious the Duck is incapable of leading, the Duck's party speaks well of the Duck, pretending it's not possible anyone could know better. Lying for the Duck becomes a badge of honor among the perverted beasts. A duck cult is formed, praising the Duck as the greatest ruler regardless of how these Duck sympathizers will go down in history. Lie for today. Die for tomorrow. That's the way of the Duck.

Ironically enough, the Duck doesn't even want to be President. It would rather just play in the water all day and fly around and dither instead of making policy or decisions. After all, that's all a duck is really suited for - and that's what makes the Duck afraid, for even it knows it should not be President. This open secret drives the Duck out if its tiny little brain, perpetually flapping its wings and quacking in constant distraction. But a duck is a duck and no amount of pretense or prevarication can change that - though a  nation has bet its life it will.

This creates the Duck Paradigm, a world of endless gaslighting of "success" while the ship sinks. You see, the Duck doesn't care in its mind if the ship sinks, it's just fine living on the water. The Duck actually believes its best interest is to duck up the world. And for some reason, many humans also want to duck up the world even though they are not ducks and will die trying to live as a duck does.

"It is wrong to hold the Duck to the same standard as other presidents. The pundit consensus is that if it fails to deliver on jobs and key legislation that the Duck will be punished for it. Wrong. The Duck's main mission is to vex the political and media elite, period. It’s essentially a mandate to entertain. If it does that, most of its supporters — and the people who will never admit they are his supporters — will be satisfied for quite some time. If it fails to deliver in other areas, well, that’s the fault of the deep state or some other villain."

Yes, there are still some humans who don't wish to be on a sinking ship. But in the anti-world of the Duck, they are labeled as selfish and mean for being "intolerant" of the Duck's destructive ways. Worst of all, instead of changing course in the face of drastic horror - instead of vowing never again to place a waterfowl or other inappropriate creatures to rule over them - the gate has been forever opened for farm animals to rule. Then again, what can you expect from a nation of sheep?