Hey, Who Put Their Cigs Out In My Carpet?

The world is a frat house I shall not want.

How easy it is to forget what we know! Six guys, one house and no owner present. It's like a mirror to the sun, a lord of the flies, this feeling of carelessness when it's somebody else's shit. Ringleaders of the dead need to own your head. Then they take your bed.

"Why not put my cigs out in the carpet, smart guy? What you gonna do about it, huh?"

"We should lock you in the closet! You'll burn the house down, you frickin' nut!"

"Oh, yeah? Tell me which part is burnin', Chicken Little. I don't see nothin' burnin' anywhere."

"Need I remind you two we don't own this house and it's not ours to do as we wish?"

"Oh, another smart guy! You gonna give us dat "owner theory" of yours? There ain't no owner nowhere. I ain't changin' just cuz of some fantasy in your head."

"Everyone needs to shut the fuck up. No point talking about anything. Won't change a thing."

"There's always a point to speaking the truth, you freaking moron! Besides, you wouldn't have said anything if it weren't getting to you."

"It's too late! There's already a ton of burns in the carpet. Why stop now?"

"That's right. No point bitchin' about nothin'. What are you going to do? Lock up the whole world."

"All I know is I don't want to die because your dumb asses can't even put a cigarette out right. Assholes!"

"Oh, listen to mister holier than thou. Like you know what's right and nobody else does."

"These people are nuts! Nuts, I tell ya! They deny everything!"

"All you people putting your cigs out in the carpet are going to be mighty sorry when the owner comes back and sees what you've done."

"You let us worry about that. You worry about your own shit."

"That's exactly what I'm doing. Any shit you do in this house affects me. That makes your shit my shit, bright boy."

Then a war broke out, three to each side. After a while they forgot why they were fighting or what they hoped to accomplish and stopped.

"The problem here are the extremists. Compromise is the only solution!"

"Wrong!" rejected both extremists of the groups.

"One cigarette is too many. Takes only one to burn us down."

"All you whiners are nuts. We livin' just fine doing what were doing. Why do you always have to stir shit up with your version of reality?"

"And what's your version? Keep risking fire until it happens?"

"There is no risk - except in your stupid mind."

"Listen guys, if most of us are doing it, it must be OK. All I know is I'm not going to stop until everyone else does. What's the point? Go ahead and give up."

"You defeatists suck. Always thinking you're going to save the world. Doesn't matter how many people do it, that doesn't give you the right to do it."

"Gives me the right to put my foot up your ass!"

Then final war broke out, gagging the two complainers and crucifying the extremist who refused to put any cigarettes out in the carpet. With critics silenced and the warning sent by the crucifixion all problems would be solved forevermore! Except for one tiny detail: the owner returned as the house burned down.

"Hey, who put their cigs out in my carpet?"

The crucifiers blamed the dead and voiceless but it was too late. "You assholes fucked up my house? I don't want to hear your damn excuses! Only person I'm letting live in my house is the one person who took care of my place. Rest of you are out forever. No one will ever trust you ever again. I don't give a damn what your politics are, I just care what you did!"

The innocent one on the cross was taken down and put in a new home. When the smoking ringleader attacked the owner he was put on the cross for the safety of everyone. The rest wandered in homeless misery. The end.