Berlin (AP) Nazi Party leader Adolph Hitler was found walking the streets of Berlin nude early yesterday morning while also carrying a woman's brassiere. Early reports from investigators quoted Mr. Hitler as claiming to have "locked myself outside naked and needed to get to my other house." No explanation is given for the bra at this time. The incident has caused disarray and widespread defections to the once all powerful political party.
Mr. Hitler and his ruling Nazi party have made a meteoric rise to power. Previous to this incident polled approval ratings were at 86% and the leader was widely hailed as a savior to a country decimated by war and the ensuing devastating economic consequences. A visionary speaker who'd gained the trust of millions, Mr. Hitler is now suffering an equally stunning backlash.
As one Nazi soldier explained: "I was rounding up Jews to be raped, tortured and murdered at the concentration camps when I heard about this. How disgusting! Does the man have no morals?"
Nazi armbands are reported to have been discarded by the tens of thousands. One former party member complained of constant harassment. "People were whistling at me in mockery, asking me if I was wearing a bra. As if I'd do anything so sick! And they do this after we invaded Poland for them!"
Investigators are still trying to determine the reason for the autocratic leader's nude foray through the city. Those who witnessed the sojourn were shocked and repulsed. "His butt was gross and covered in zits," was the reaction of one young woman. "It's enough to make me think starting his war was a bad idea after all."
Others were outraged and worried of the damage done to their children's psyche. "I put my boy in the Hitler youth to make him a fine, upstanding and powerfully corrupt person," lamented one mother. "But walking around publicly nude is the height of irresponsible behavior and I just don't know how I'm going to explain this to my son who was first in his Jew hatred class."
Formerly high party official Heinrich Himmler has been in a doctor's care since the incident, frantically claiming, "It's all a Jewish conspiracy just like every other problem! It's not like the Führer is evil!" Mr. Himmler has remained on heavy medication due to deep depression. "We had so many plans, so many dreams! We'd have ruled the world! Millions dead and gone, wiping out anyone who stood our way, taking all their resources and instituting our will! How glorious to have taken Iraq! One step outside naked and the world is lost."
No comments:
Post a Comment