Jesus Having A Bad Day

Will you listen this time?

Jesus was ascending the mount to give another parable to the masses when a man in a flaming tunic approached him. "Please, sir, will you sign this?"

A scroll of many words was held before Jesus but he said and did nothing. The man explained. "It's a release form to use your likeness on a new line of tunics I have coming. You can use the royalties to give to charity. That way you can serve Caesar and God both!"

Jesus muttered, "I do not seek to serve Ceasar," and continued his climb - still muttering.

The flaming tunic man was elated. "Awesome! That means you won't sue!"

But from that point forward Jesus knew it was going to be "one of those days".

Verily he spoke:

"A landowner divided his land among ten farmers, each to work and reap for his own reward. In return he asked for ten percent of the yield. At first the farmers were delighted by this deal as it gave them greater power and freedom than they'd ever known before. Other landowners took all the yield and only gave back to the farmers just enough to survive.

But soon the farmers started to slander the landowner, calling his yoke an unreasonable one and refused to pay the full share. Only one continued to pay in full and the landowner rewarded him by doubling his lands in an effort to show the benefits of fulfilling the contract between them. But the other nine farmers grew envious of the faithful farmer and killed him. Seeing this, the landowner expelled the remaining farmers back to their former landlords who then treated them extra brutally for leaving."

Jesus stopped and the crowd neither spoke nor moved lest one call attention to one's own guilt. Finally, a man pretended to be a moron to escape his responsibility. "Tell us, master, what does it mean!"

"Tell me what you think it means."

The man sat back down afraid to either lie or reveal his truth before Jesus. The Son of God looked out over the crowd. "Anyone? Someone? Bueller...Bueller..."

But the oppression of the silence crushed them, finally forcing out words.

"I know what it means! It means if you're neighbor don't get ya, God will! We're the fucked!"

"That's right! If you're alive it must mean you're a bad person cuz all the good ones gets killed!"

"You wanna make widows and orphans of our families! We can't let that happen! I ain't payin' no full share neither."

God these people are depressing!

Jesus slouched as he realized he lived at the mercy of such tormented souls.

"Jesus, dude, don't look so sad. Them farmers don't want to pay up I know these guys from Nazareth that got a way of talkin' folks into it - if ya know what I mean!"

"Surely, this could have been resolved by a contract dispute court before things had gotten out of hand. As a registered lawyer I can fix these sort of situations for a handsome fee. Have that landowner give me a call."

"Maybe the landowner went off and died! How did the farmers know he even still existed?"

And Jesus wept.

Then a man stood tall, taking on the burden of the unruly crowd. "And what if each farmer had kept his word then to find his lands doubled in time? Was it not their own lives the farmers betrayed when they betrayed the landowner? Ask yourselves: Where does my true reward lie? Only by fulfilling the contract and nowhere else. Better death than to give that up!"

Properly shamed, the crowd dispersed. Jesus stood up.

"Thank you. These congregations can really get me down sometimes, and we're two thousands years away from any decent meds."

"No problem. It's obvious they were disingenuous in their words, looking to justify their failings rather than face them."

"Very good. Would like to become a disciple of mine?"

"Would I? Very much so! It is you who spreads the true word of God!"

"Excellent! Tell me, what is your name?"

"Judas Iscariot."

"Do you think the crowds will come back, Judas? Do you believe they will truly accept the good news meant for them even if they do seem to follow me?"

"Hard to say. Not easy to admit when you've cheated yourself." Judas smiled at his new master but then thought to himself: Not that you would know anything about that, you perfect fuck!

But Jesus knew in the end, the bad days are numbered but the good ones are both timeless and countless.

Your time will come!

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Another song stuck in my head