Nurse Ratched, speaking of her own sins in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
It took awhile afore I trusted my eyes. I didn't see 'em at first - didn't want to. But the mores I focused in on 'em, the clearer they gots be. And they was everywheres! "How can this be?" I wonders to meself. "I cants be the only one seeing this, but thar aint no one else actin' like they sees a thing!" So I goes ups to one real careful like and touches it to see if it for real.
"Hey you!" the Man says. "Stop that! And don't you ever fucking do that again! You hear me, boy?"
I's heard him. I's heard him real good - the asshole. But I gots my answer. Theys hard to see but if ya look you's can see 'em: fishing lines, all stuck up into people. Stuck in there good too with them little tiny hooks. And like the Man said, you's don't wanna touch one of 'em cuz it hurts them bad when ya do! But it's when I started seeing such things that alls my troubles started.
Well, naturallys I's don't want no hooks in me. An' iffen ya ask me, I don't think no man woman or chil' ever born has wanted them things in 'em! Tain't natural! I knows this for a fact. So I starts rippin' out all them hooks and got them lines offa me and it felt good. It felt likes a man breathin' again and walkin' again like a man should. It what God intended for us all, I knows. Shoot me dead, won't change me mind!
But then all them people what still got them lines in 'em got riled up at me sumpthin' fierce! "What you doing, boy? Who do you think you are?" They all's saying I gots to put them lines back in. But I was thinkin' like, Who does you think YOU is tryin' to put them lines in me! That there is what's we's call gall! These peoples is plum outta their minds and that's what they calls normal.
That's when they starts takin' all my stuff, sayin' I don't deserves no car, no house, no clothes, not even a scrap of food! Them's some mighty righteous people that, sayin's this is how they makes things work and God's will and a whole bunch of crap not worth repeatin'. They calls me "traitor" and "destroyer", sayin's I'm gonna kill this good thing they gots goin'. Little ol' me's gonna do all that. That tells ya sumthin, don't it?
I sher am feelin' awful alone after that. Ever'one gives me the evil eye when they sees me on account I got no stuff. They figgers I must got no hooks in me and starts to hatin' me. They's all in on it! I's just wanna cut all them lines I see and sets folks free like I is, then we could be happy. They's ain't gonna survive with all them lines in 'em. Time comes when they gonna be ripped to shreds. But they figgers it the other ways around!
Then I do finds this other that got no hooks in him! I asks him about that 'n' he tells me he how he got down in his head real bad and couldn't take them lines in him no more. But then he tells me he wants to get his head right so he can take havin' them lines back in him again and gets his house 'n' car back. I shakes ma head. I run across these other folks sayin's they's wants to help, tellin' me they's can "fix me" so I wants them hooks back up in me. They sez I'm sick. I just shakes ma head.
So what I's don't get is why folks thinks them lines is good for 'em?? Preachin' man goes on about how them God's lines, sayin's they's holy. He makes 'em feel better cuz their conscience is tellin' 'em sumthin' diff'rent. They tells me they gots their money line 'n' insurance line 'n' gun line 'n' law line 'n' so many other lines they just be inventin' alls the time. Sayin's they cants live without them lines and iffen them hooks tears 'em up, tis the way God meants for us to be. But I already knows the truth is just the opposite.
Then I figgers, them lines they gotta leads somewhere. Someone's trickin' all these folks, makin' 'em do likes they told or tellin' em they's gonna get them hooks ripped out and their flesh right along with it! So I's finds me a rich fella - he's gots like a hunnerd lines in him - an' I starts followin' 'em till I sees they all starts leadin' to the same spot. There's this hole in da ground an' you gots more lines leadin' down there than yous can count in ten lifetimes.
So I's jumps down dis hole to sees what I could find. That's when I understands.
"Oh, it's you."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my small homage to Ken Kesey's masterpiece.
No comments:
Post a Comment