Fizbot Fun

With a slogan of "Keep Dallas Pretentious", we certainly have our share of local fizbots. Ross Perot has to be the biggest fizboter around here. The guy is a maniac! When I was working in computer tape libraries, I heard all about the way EDS (Perot's company) ran their tape room. Requiring tape operators to wear suits like it was a goddam wedding reception (it's the equivalent of suiting janitors). They said ol' H. Ross himself liked to come down and watch all the tape monkeys scurry around all nice and pretty. Prick.

Jerry Jones has certainly made a fizbot of the Cowboys. It's been fascinating to watch his transformations as it takes over his life. But the fizboter du jour is certainly Mark Cuban, the internet billionaire, our very own Jed Clampett. Now, there's lots to admire in Mark's fresh and original thinking, but he's fizbot all the way. He's the man on the white horse who's always got The Answer. This makes him a magnet for every kind of kooky scheme and harebrained proposal you can imagine. So into this crowded herd I jumped in with my stalking horse.

A life long schemer, Cuban's fizbot worship has entered the theater of the absurd: "It's a sweatshop here and we're proud of it." Who needs money when there's the glory of serving on such a wonderful plantation? The credo is simple and untethered: Be successful at being successful. Do whatever it takes. Assimilate to the Borg. Scary, huh?


I came across a posting of Cuban's on how best to get his attention. He said an email with a link is best so that's what I used. My role: Someone who seriously wants money (well, OK, got me there) but yet is afraid of rejection. The fear brings a defensive posture yet I'm still trying to sell my idea. Somehow, I also have to be blind to the insanity of turning over control of $200,000,000 to a homeless man! Reality is, of course, to gig his ass.

Dear Mark,

I guess in order to "get" you must first "give". So I give you this: Who is more free of money, the billionaire or the homeless man? Time will come when the money concept will go the way of witch burning and freedom will be redefined once more. And before you're tempted to lecture me on the virtues of capitalism (yawn), bear in mind I was a WSJ subscriber and stock owner at 17. I would probably end up adding points to your argument you had missed. But who wants to stay 17 in the head forever?? [This part had me laughing the most, dissing his fizbot and acting ignorant of his backgound]

But as money is the currently agreed upon vehicle of commerce, it is that of which I shall converse (it always comes back to money, doesn’t it? :) ). My idea is posted here:

http://sarcasmalley.blogspot.com/2006/07/osaka-castle.html

No kid seeing that castle keep could resist the urge to explore it. Blimp shots during Cowboy games would not be able to resist it either. If our local Cabela’s can pull in millions of visitors a year, so easily could The Japans. So what would you get for your $200,000,000? The profits for one, of course. One hell of a “making of” documentary on the Discovery Channel. And most importantly, a permanent memorial to be forever cherished. What you wouldn’t get is any creative control (ouch! deal breaker!). This ain’t no commercial enterprise. It’s a work of art. To put it in a sports perspective, it’s the players who are artists fans pay to see the most. The right way is the only way. [Here I make psuedo-logical points just so I can work in a shot at his creative tastes (see The Benefactor)]

Regardless, I have amused myself with this e-mail. It will probably get lost between penis enlargement and online medications ads. Who knows, maybe I’ll make a posting of this. It might be funny. Cheers. [What a smug ass I am!]

This was an idiotic thing to do, I admit. But sometimes I just can't help myself.