Homeless Man Solves Middle East Crisis!

Around the globe echoed the same lament: "We should have listened to him earlier."


"Harry Homeless, the runaway winner of the Nobel Peace prize, was his typical humble self upon receiving the award. "Gosh, somebody had to do it. We had to save the children and small animals." It all began with his now famous "Give Peace a Chance" campaign. Repeating over and over the great John Lennon's anthem, he was able to garner world wide attention. This campaign - which can only be described as genius - effectively destroyed the terrorist movement and ended the era of asshole talk radio.

The turning point was a simple interview with a rabid right wing nut of that time. We go back now to that famous incident:

"It's just stupid going around saying "peace" all the time. You're making a fool of yourself. Sometimes you've got to have war!"

"Oh, you only chide me because I'm right. It's must be hell defending an immoral position like that."

"I have no problem defending my position! I know I'm right. I have no problems whatsoever!"

"Look, pal, anyone as uptight as you definitely has problems. Be free, talk about it. Maybe we can pull that corncob out your ass. Wouldn't that feel better?"

"There's only one problem I got and it's-"

"Wait, wait, that doesn't make any sense. Here in the script-"

"There's no script!"

"Yeah, right here where one minute you say you have no problems then the next minute you say I am your problem. See? That doesn't resolve."

"Then I wasn't going to say you were my problem-"

"So it's people like me..."

"No, not that either."

"Then it's my thinking you hate!"

"No, uh-"

"Oh, I see. You don't like the way I breathe or walk or fart! That's it, isn't it! You don't think I have the right to fart!"

"Of course, you have the right to fart. I mean-"

"So you think I should fart!"

"Of course not-"

"I knew it. A fart hater! Fuck you, I'm going to fart!"

Soon signs were posted all across the Middle East declaring, "Fuck you, I'm going to fart!" Both Jew and Arab and Muslim and Christian walked hand in hand, united in their right to bear flatulence. Terrorist organizations were outraged.

"Stop this! You people are crazy! You must hate each other!"

"Fuck you, we're going to fart!"

"No, no! We're melting! Stop! This is terror to us!"

But the only reply was a communal emission of bodily gas, sending the would-be terrorists into heartfelt pleas for forgiveness. The hate movement in the United States also subsided in a blanket of shame. Strangers began spontaneously hugging one another proudly proclaiming, "I gave peace a chance." Thank God for Harry Homeless, he saved us all from God knows what hell. And now, in accordance with the Zatoichi Principle, it's up to all of us to carry on his work. Peace is our love."