I see the predators roaming around, trying to sniff out prospects. They bring with them all sorts of carrots to entice you, calling you out. I've heard many a war veteran speak of the incredible bonding and sense of purpose derived from battle. It's a feeling most are not able to recreate ever again. An ordinary life transported to the rarified air of Meaningful Existence. And the predators know all this with their false solutions.
No need to bring a stick as an alternate to the carrot. The beating is leading a worthless existence. The snake oil salesmen know the ache. The idea of that ache going away is highly seductive. And many are taken in. Maybe they think things are better. My life has meaning now, I no longer have to feel. But that pain serves a purpose. If your finger were on a hot stove, would you not want to know even if it hurt?
When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain.
Sometimes I think it's a sin
When I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin' again."
-Gordon Lighfoot, "Sundown"
I saw the Tommy Lee Jones movie, "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada" (two thumbs up) and I loved its unvarnished look at small town Texas life. The film features a Texas border guard leading a meaningless life. His idea of sex is masturbating in his wife. Bored at his post, he brings a sex mag to jack off to while on duty. It's in the middle of this when he hears shots fired, pulls up his pants and fires back, killing the shooter. Except the shooter was firing on a wolf nowhere near the border agent. When all this comes to light his wife decides to leave. "He's beyond redemption."
Those words echoed in my ears. It is true, I only feel good when things are falling apart . Anything built not founded on something real is only a burden. And who doesn't crave their burdens destroyed? I don't know where freedom lies. I do know where prison is. So no matter how well I "succeed" in doing something I don't believe in, I want it destroyed.
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