The Gnawing

I suppose from the outside I am very much a stereotypical "abode challenged" individual. I can certainly be seen talking to myself, my eyes are distrustful and fearful and I have a frown for everyone I meet. Most of the time the homeless are portrayed as pretty scary people and I could fit into that category too with my hair trigger temper and frayed nerves. But I also realize most people put into my situation would fare far worse than I.

It's the "missing" that eats on me the most. Missing Debby and missing me. I saw part of a concert on TV from a few years ago combining Earth, Wind and Fire with Chicago. I wish I could have seen more but the few songs I did catch were magic. These were songs I'd heard all my life but had never seen performed. I was insanely jealous. There was no phoniness or acting, just performers completely comfortable in their own skin enjoying themselves. Man, it was great.


I love healing. A doctor heals one at a time but a song heals forever. Even if it cost me my life, I would gladly swap it to have contributed just one of those great songs. That is my one wish. Perhaps there are others out there like me, lacking the moral courage to follow their dreams, walking around with the talent of those I saw onstage. If so, I can guarantee you it's gnawing at them.