Bring Me the Head of Harry Homeless

I have never believed I was meant to be happy. Oh, I know philosophically speaking God wants everyone to be happy and blah, blah, blah. It just doesn't mean anything in practical terms. Jesus wasn't meant to live happily ever after but I am?? Come on. We kill happy people in this world. It's our job. Unhappy people can't stand the sight of happiness. "Find me Harry Homeless. And if he's happy, kill him!" I am a witch in a world full of witch hunters.

I had a dream with John Lennon last night. It was 1971 and he was walking through the streets of New York singing a protest song. He couldn't see or hear me because it was as if I were a time traveler who could only observe. He was carrying Uzis in each hand as props and dressed in military gear. There was a time when politics almost ruined Lennon's career. I wanted to talk to him, reason with him on what he was doing, but I knew it was something he had to work out for himself. Clearly he was miserable - but that made him safe in this world. It was when he turned happy his life was in danger.

Debby wants me dead. I feel it every day. The smoldering resentment of my existence, the loathing, the contempt. She is not one who ever sees a reason to get off her high horse. She will die having never been alone. That kind of gift can be a curse though. Like most women, she was a predator, using men's needs as a tool to get things she wanted. But that can be a trap. Being one who had always lived having many things, the idea of risking them became more unthinkable over time. Right and wrong cease to exist, replaced by "What keeps my things and what does not?" I'm in the latter group.

"Dying is a good thing?" I vainly hope every day. But is life an option? I see the sad souls who desperately defend this world, clinging to the hope they can somehow be happy here by placating. My words are disregarded as "the miserable rumblings of a sodden misfit." Ah, mon ami, what an education is in store for you! Praising the world doesn't mean you will get to keep your goodies. These are the people who yell loudest when things go wrong. Yet they worship a false god - and they know false gods always betray you. Only love lasts forever.