I Know Why You Love Me

I know how eager you are to bestow the title "Mahatma" (great soul) upon my name, but dear ones, I know why you love me.

Because I'm always funny 24/7

Because I'm cute and can write
songs as well as the Bee Gees

Because I'm an uber hot sex toy
who can fuck like a banshee

Because I'm a rock'n'roll god
who truly believes image is everything

Because I did one thing right once
and fell in love

But upon closer examination, let's see what you really know:

John Belushi, dead at 33 from an injection of speedball, a combination of cocaine and heroin.

Andy Gibb, dead at 30 from an inflamed heart brought on by years of alcohol and drug abuse.

Tawny Kitaen, used up, arrested and in rehab:


Jim Morrison, Dead at 27. OD'd fat, bloated and depressed.

Me: Still searching for love.

Love me now? Me neither.