Honor. Duty. Commitment. Those are words the military likes to throw around - have to if you're going to kill people in the name of justice. But like everything else, it's just a respectable facade for dirty deeds. We think God is just really dumb, I suppose. But it's half statements like "Honor. Duty. Commitment." that really crack me up. Commitment is a double-edged sword when used for the wrong purposes.
But hell, you already knew we thought we could lie our way into heaven.
Lt. James O'Neal was accused of military theft, the alleged objects matter not. What does matter is the good lieutenant was not a thief, had no desire to be nor would ever want to be. But when one has a facade to protect, cases like this are pure gold: show your "integrity" here and thusly imply it everywhere - and in every war. Who's to know the difference?
But the lieutenant in question did have another pathology. You see, I knew him before his case came down and I knew him a tortured soul. He too had an "indispensable" facade to protect, one he never spoke of but one noticed by me. In the time I knew James, he'd had three major relationships. He'd woo her for months, bragging to everyone who he'd met and how fantastic she was, you couldn't wipe the smile off his face! Heck, I'm smiling now just remembering his pure elated childlike joy.
Crimes of the heart are the worst of all to bear
Then a few weeks after he'd firmly established his relationship, he'd cheat on her - and keep cheating on her until she found out and left. Bereft does not even begin to describe James in the aftermath. He wouldn't joke or participate in card games (which is a bigger deal than it sounds), he'd just lie on his bunk like a dead body. Others teased him as lovelorn, or joked about him needing "a little on the side" but it wasn't like that at all. It was far, far, worse.
I can't say how many times James had done this, maybe his whole freaking life for all I know - God help him. But he had this certain pathology to build and then destroy. First pulled one way, then the other. Jesus, scares the hell out of me just to think about it, to think you'd know everything you built would be crushed by your own hand...
Like a said, a tortured soul in the purest sense.
So when James was the guard on duty and accused of the theft, he was hooked up to a lie detector, and after the usual test questions, they asked him straight out if he was guilty. Bear in mind, this was right after his latest break up and he got worse each time it happened, sinking so low I feared for his life. But all he heard was the word "guilty" and replied in the affirmative. His response, in fact, registered so "true" the testers thought the machine malfunctioning and repeated it to him.
Eh, don't really want the truth this time.
The military investigators were delighted with such an easy scalp, seeing no need to dig any deeper, not wanting to imperil their paychecks and good standing. But to me, the first question in any event is to ask why it happens - how else can we heal and learn from it? In this case, it was a "waste of time". I pleaded with James to understand what was happening, his very life in danger. He told me he knew that - but I don't think he was referring to the theft charges but rather the dreams he'd destroyed over the years. That far away look in his eyes, I'll never forget. It gives me tears to even remember his piercing sorrow.
Tricky thing, guilt. How it spills over into the innocent parts too, ruining the watered land a well as the dry. I never could get James to confess his true crimes, so I guess he felt unable to claim innocence even when deserved. I remember reading about the Russian revolution of 1917, how Lenin had corrupted the people with a cry of "loot the looters", knowing their complicity in crime would allow a criminal such as he to gain power (no person showing any privilege was safe on the streets).
Corrupted souls do not fight back against injustice. I remember the author speaking of the "lack of political will" for democracy even though it was clearly craved when presented. Yet it stood as a flower before a chainsaw as lusting Russian hearts ripped the jewelry from any who dare display. I hear it even now, those same words: "Lack of political will" when it comes to reeling in the greed and wars that bring us to the brink of self-destruction. America why is your soul so guilty?
CODA: Although I never found the true culprit, I was able to present irrefutable physical evidence James was innocent of the thievery. They fought me like hell but I kept pushing until I threatened to expose their own "lack of honor" to the world. So I got James freed from jail - well, from one jail anyway.
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