Saturday, July 25, 2009

What's The Best Way To Commit Suicide?


The best way is with a suicide pill like Goering used. When it comes to modern death, Nazis are always the experts.



Of course, living here in Texas, I should probably use one of these (which is what I do plan to use). From what I gather, under the chin is the best way. You sorry pieces of shit can clean up the mess.



I could always get the government to do it as well. They're always itching to shoot somebody for the greater good. Just tell them you're a liberal, the greatest terrorist their puny little minds can imagine.



A slower, more painful way is to believe Daddy will fix all your problems. Don't worry about what an asshole you yourself are, just stake all your hopes in Daddy making up for it. Daddy is good so I don't have to be. Don't you dare question my Daddy! Waaaaaaah!



Mass murder is not a crime. Invading another country and raping millions is not a crime. Heck, we got that going on in two different places halfway around the world and it doesn't bother a soul. Why? Because there's only one true crime: not paying your rent, failing to worship the money god. They REALLY hate you for that and demand the slowest, cruelest form of execution possible: to die alone on the street.



But there's only one foolproof method of dying, one that works ten times out of ten and is completely infallible: trust your fellow man. "If you ain't gonna be a piece of shit like me, I'm gonna crucify your goddam ass!" That's a heckuva motto there, Brownie! Don't like it when someone tells you the earth is round? Just shoot their sorry ass! That will make it flat again.



Oh hell, if you really want to die, just show up on planet Earth. We'll get you sooner or later. What sort of conflicted planet talks about life in the future and life after people all in the same breath? A self-deceived one, a futureless one, a dead one.

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Dear world,

Stop acting like you care. No one is buying your bullshit. All this talk about making tomorrow better is just lies to make yourself feel better about the destruction inflicted today. Your only true commitment is to dying. But you lie about that as well.

It's all a charade, a game. Whoever pretends the best wins! It's not honesty that counts, but skill as a liar. Pretend to care, pretend to choose life, pretend truth has no meaning. War makes life, money makes life, rape makes life - it's all a farce. Do you really think the truth can't come out?

Of course you don't. You know what's coming as you politely sip your tea waiting for the atom bomb explode. All this talk about taking care of your fellow man or peace or the environment is just so much buzzing in the ears of God. It means nothing because talk is all it is. No matter how.very.seriously you take it.

OK, you can go back to your pretense now, back to your faux optimism and blind obedience and unquestioning loyalty and fake blessings and wishful thinking and all the other tools of the trade of dying. That's fine by me because I want you to die, world. So if you ask me what I think, I'm going to tell you I think you're a great guy and everything you're doing is just dandy! And because you're a freaking damn moron, you'll take that as a compliment.

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