Boston Cop Suspended For Incompetent Racism

Boston police crack down on jaywalkers
and suspected Yankee fans

Breaking news from Beantown:

The fallout from the Henry Louis Gates Jr. arrest continues: the Boston Police Department has suspended an officer named Justin Barrett for using a racial slur in reference to the Harvard professor in an email, the AP reports:

After learning of the slur, Commissioner Edward Davis put 36-year-old Justin Barrett on administrative leave pending a termination hearing.

A person with knowledge of the case, speaking on condition of anonymity because the person is not authorized to speak publicly about it, said Barrett, a member of the National Guard, used the racial slur in messages to guardsmen and to The Boston Globe.

The AP omits the phrase Barrett used from its article, but the Boston Globe reports that the phrase was "jungle monkey," and that the officer used it while reacting to the media coverage of the arrest

Commissioner Davis later expanded on his outrage over the officer's comment. "Comments like these will not be tolerated. They make us look both foolish and ignorant and we hold the highest of conviction regarding racist talk. Either you call the perp a porch monkey or a jungle bunny but mixing slurs into an idiotic phrase like "jungle monkey" puts us in the worst possible light."

When questioned what the police department's officially preferred slur was, Davis replied, "Moon cricket." In an effort to further explain the department's torment over the inept slur, Davis expounded: "Just imagine as a white person if someone meant to call you a 'Peter Brady' and instead called you 'Peter Partridge' - a character that did not even exist on the Partridge Family! Not only would I as a Cracker be offended, the speaker would also bring unending ridicule upon himself. I hope the Moon Cricket in question can appreciate the delicate position our forces are in, realizing that each officer receives very serious race sensitivity training on an annual basis, and find in it in his black heart to forgive us for calling him a 'Jungle Monkey'. Oh the shame!"

Unclaimed by two races
and possibly one gender

Further complicating matters is the backdrop of the continuing firestorm of whether Michael Jackson died as a black man or white man. The white Birther Movement furiously contends since he was black at birth Mr. Jackson can only be buried in a black cemetery "far, far away from our white womenfolk." Black Separatists however angrily retort Mr. Jackson was seen openly "drinking from whitey's water fountains" without challenge and lived his life in a bubble "just like any of them soccer Mom bitches." Recently, however, a third group entered the discussion claiming that in fact Mr. Jackson died as a woman. An upcoming trial is expected to sort this out but the court is having a difficult time finding a jury of Mr. Jackson's trans-raced, trans-gendered peers.

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Black & White - Three Dog Night