President Obama was going for his very first swim. But before diving into the cold, murky waters, he delivered a fantastic speech on the rigors of swimming. He spoke of how there's a right way and a wrong way to do it, he cautioned of the dangers yet also spoke of the rewards of doing it correctly. Afterwards, by golly, I was all fired up to see him swim. "This is going to be good!"
Splashing in with such fine words in his fine suit evoked memories of dreams past, dreams we had butchered but were now somehow miraculously alive again! There is no price to destroying one's heritage after all. No need for karma, no need to make amends. It's all good. I can vote for that!
Standing next to me on the pier was a man whose hands were raw from clapping. Fearing for his health I suggested he might want to give his hands a break. But he resisted.
"I'm much too excited to stop clapping! And he needs all the support he can get. You should be clapping too!"
"I did clap but there's a point to where it becomes mindless. Do you really think that helps when it hurts yourself?"
"Oh yes, indeed! It's the finest support! What, do you want to go back to a President that can't swim? We must get behind this one or face doom!"
"I didn't know that was an either/or proposition."
"Absolutely it is! Just look how turbulent those waters are! He needs all the support he can get!"
"I can see the waves perfectly well but it doesn't look like he's swimming like he should be."
"I don't see you clapping! Clap and he'll swim better! Besides, I think he's doing great!"
"Looks like his leg is cramping to me. He's not using the form he said he would. If he did, he'd be doing much better."
"Give him time! He's still learning to swim! He'll swim right later, trust me!"
"From the looks of your hands, though, you must be in a lot of pain."
"Pain? Never! I feel nothing but elation! Nothing makes me feel better than knowing we've elected Jesus and everything's going to be just peachy now. Makes me damn proud! Those whackos before just thought they elected Jesus, but now we really have!"
"But wouldn't Jesus know how to swim right?"
"Even Jesus needed time to learn. Just you wait and see, doesn't matter how long it takes, he'll swim right. That's why I have faith!"
"Oh, look, his other leg is cramping. I'm not so sure your faith is based in reality. In fact, I'm pretty tired of non-reality based faith. I think somebody needs to help him out and pull him back in before he sinks."
"Nonsense! Look how far he's gotten already! Yards and yards he's gained."
"But he has miles to go before he sleeps."
"That's why I'm clapping! You should be too!"
"The waves seem to be knocking him harder. He's not able to stand up to them."
"That's all part of his plan! Look how overconfident those waves are, thinking they're winning. The President is a genius!"
"He's either a genius or drowning. I say he's drowning and needs someone to tell him he's swimming all wrong."
"What a horrible thought! Why think such a thing? I'm a believer through and through. Good times are coming!"
"I want good times too. That's why I say he's drowning, so we can help him. Actual support comes only with honoring the truth. Didn't you see Shrillary's campaign?"
"But the truth is he's doing fine!"
It was at that exact moment the President drown, causing me to look sideways at the Clapper and then shaking my head. "Some people have to see death before admitting anything is wrong. Do you still feel good now?"
But the Clapper was in a huff. "This wouldn't have happened had you been clapping!" And he drooped away, cursing me for his pain filled hands and the wasting of his clapping.
But I ask you, who was his true supporter?
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What's Harry listening to now?
Too many lovers in one lifetime ain't good for you
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