An Immodest Proposal

Obviously a righteous dude

There's an easy way to tell a person of worth in this fine society of ours: they have the money! You got the bucks you must be doing something righteous and pure, no two ways about it. Some holier than thou people like to prattle on about character and values and crap but I don't get into all the philosophical stuff. For me, if you want to tell you if you're a good guy or not, just show me your wallet. Why does everyone have to make life so complicated??

On the other hand we have The Homeless Obsolete Unemployed (THOU) and I can tell you this is one case I'm for damn sure holier than THOU. I mean, c'mon dude! You gonna stand at that corner all day long scratching your ass? Surely somewhere there's a lawn that needs to be mowed. Even worse are the leeches begging for my hard earned money like I'm a freaking fountain of wealth. Hands off, pal! I pull my weight Mr. Freeloader.

Sleeping when he could be fixing me a Big Mac

But what really gets me about THOU is the endless whining! "I want to live indoors! I want to eat! I want medical care!" Jesus, give me a break will ya? You don't see me going hungry, do ya? Well, there's a reason for that: I'm a good person! All this wailing I hear whenever some useless THOU freezes to death, enough already! It's called thinning the heard. Hello? Haven't you people ever heard of evolution? Am I the only rational person left who believes in science?

So it's bad enough we got these homeless insects to swat away but we gotta fight off vultures from above too. It's those damn Greedy Repulsive Asshole Banking Bastards Eternally Rotten (GRABBER) folks taking all my damn cash too! Am I the only one left working in this lazy ass country?? GRABBERs have a different definition of work than I do. When they say "work" they just mean to work to take away all my damn money, they don't actually DO anything! Hey, pal, quit stepping on my greed!

I earned none of this! Haha!

Worse yet, nobody is stopping the GRABBERs. They rob you right in broad daylight just like THOU does - only they're a whole lot more effective. And don't think them government clowns are going to do anything, either. Know why they call each other "Honorable" all the time? Because they get so tired of picking up the phone and hearing lobbyists say, "Hey, bitch!" Worthless fucks! The only person I'm interested in being bought and paid for is me. I ask you people: where's the integrity?

Since I'm the only person actually doing anything I guess it's up to me fix the damn world THOU GRABBERs keep fucking up! The solution is right in front of our eyes: have THOU get rid of the GRABBERs! That's right, take 'em out one by one. Luckily, the GRABBER's have made so many THOUs they way outnumber them even though the GRABBERs are sure to have superior firepower. After the GRABBERs have been eliminated, any of THOU left living will finally get their wet dream of free food and indoor living at the state pen. Who the fuck's not happy in this scenario?

Shit man, do I have to think of everything??

Just imagine what he'd do for
three squares and a roof over his head!

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I want your love!!