It's Always The Eyes That Speak Loudest

Not Debby, but similar (to when I knew her)

There are many things I remember about Debby. The way her bangs curled across her forehead drove me mad, making her seem vulnerable and delicately precious. It would not have been a loss for me to give my life for her, but a gift. A thousand men would form a ring around her to protect one as precious as she, taking however many bullets it took to keep her safe. Debby was the Holder of Dreams. And what is life without dreams?

Approaching Debby was like approaching a hurricane. By the time I cut through the winds of emotions my head was spinning so badly that whatever I had in mind before was completely wiped out. I always stood naked before Debby. It's hard for me to describe that experience. It was as if I were standing before God on judgement day. This is who you are, revealed in full. In Debby, every dream, every fantasy of life came true. The sheer, uncontainable joy I felt was only matched by the stark terror of it.

What hope has the monster?

The only way I can describe spending a moment with Debby is to say it was like winning the lottery or getting the news your book is a bestseller or some other moment of endless life, to know you will live forever. Yes, it was to walk in Heaven on earth. I could hardly keep away from her and she dominated my thoughts and feelings night and day; long suppressed hopes came to life, erupting in my sleep. All my life I'd waited to meet her, knowing she was out there experiencing life in the same way I was, believing in the light. It was a meeting, but also a reunion.

My first year at church camp they held some sort of kiddie dance and I heard the Beatles for the first time. "I want to hold your hand" it was, and it struck me like a thunderbolt. "Yes, that's it!" I remember remarking to myself. It happened again with Debby. What exactly "it" was I cannot define to this day. But there is far, far more to life than meets the eye. Magic does exist. If you don't know that, you don't know anything.

A stairway to Heaven

Walls and barriers came flying off between us like heated lovers shedding their clothes. Our unspoken truths were already known. Like water seeping from a dam, the more truth that came out the more truth had to rush out, the urge too irresistible. A word was forming between us and that word was "Yes". The world is an illusion, life is an illusion, all history is an illusion - but this was real. I asked it if was love, the answer was always Yes.

What I wanted most was a conversation with her eyes. For both of us to sit cross-legged and explore each other's eyes, laughing and groaning at whatever we found. No words need pass between us, they could only interfere with our talk. Debby's eyes were deep and old. A dreamer's eyes, of course. I ached for them and hungered for them, literal food for the soul. What a grand adventure it would have been to stare into the eyes of Debby Hanssen. Eyes that held the midnight sky and all the universe beyond.

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