Sarcasm Alley

Thursday, June 19, 2025

Threads: Art Of The Deal

08/18/23

Desperate man yells to the crowd: “Do you love me?”

Crowd yells back: “We’ll do anything for you!”

“Then I’ll give you what you want! This is true love!”

“You are the best and greatest!”

“Then we have the perfect deal!”

“We agree! Now jump!”

Thus the desperate man jumped off the building, landing in a huge orange splat.

Then everyone laughed - except for Jesus who loved him.

Threads: Dread

08/14/23

Another Monday morning waking up drenched in sweat dreading the week to come unable to imagine a life where I don’t have to hurt myself to survive

Threads: Pragmatism

08/07/23

This business card is most reflective of all of mine. The idea that half-measures i.e. fixing only half the holes in a ship, are a solution is pure folly.

Threads: Crime

08/06/23

@barnesandnoble

You sure got that book in right section!

Threads: Bond's Prison

08/04/23

Nothing like being left disavowed in a detention camp to reassess your life…

I lived my life by wits, always coming through in the end

Did I become entitled?

A lie is the loneliest fate

What was my 007 remark? “Do not fear, I’d never be caught there. I can’t stand the food!”

And the food IS bloody awful

As if I had to live up to “being Bond”

To spend my days in devout misery. Bloody hell!

How could this happen?

Am I here to express my emotional prison?

How do you un-need someone?

You’ve paid my dues
Time after time,
I’ve done no sentence
But committed much crime,
My sad mistakes
I’m blaming you,
I’ve had my share of gold
Put in my safe
But I lost that too!

We are the victims, my friends
And we’ll keep on whining till the end
We are the criers
We are deniers
Time for us losers
Cause we are the grifters of the world!

Threads: Haiku

07/29/23

Haiku Found At The End Of The Day

Angry is the wind,

Burning my enemy’s home

I have lost my own

Threads: Downtown

07/25/23

It was just after dawn in an abandoned corner of downtown Dallas.

I was in a mood. This dude is walking my way, wrapped up in his phone, secure in his place in the world.I hated him.

As he passed by I sucker punched him in the stomach. He crumpled like a wet piece of paper. Then I kicked him to make his downfall complete.

He managed to eek out, “Why?? Why?”

“Because it’s Tuesday!” I explained, walking away feeling much better no longer alone in my feelings in this world.

(Should have seen what I did on Monday…)

Threads: Reporter 101

07/24/23

Another Reporter 101 lesson.

Next time a Republicant complains an election was stolen ask if the Democrats outwitted them. Ask why the Republicants couldn’t stop them. Ask if they are dumber than Democrats.

Hang these people with their own logic.

Threads: UFOs

07/24/23

So I saw a UFO documentary. First let me say if there is any empirical evidence of such that all those who withhold this have no possible future without exception.

Secondly, technology has a moral component. Meaning we could have all the technology in the universe and it would be useless to us. Case in point: we have the ability to feed every person on the planet but we don’t.

Aliens are defenseless. Contact cannot be made until we become the same, i.e, when the meek inherent the earth.

Threads: Hunger Games

07/23/23

One thing that’s for certain is that people are HUNGRY. Not physically - though we’ve certainly chosen to starve our fellow man - but for truth, something real.

All sorts of insanity is filling the void of the Great Unspoken but it will never satisfy the need. So we grasp on to one illusion after another in endless futility.

The longer we refuse to face the truth the worse it gets. So let’s start by stop pretending we don’t know why things are the way they are.

Threads: Electric Sheep

07/21/23

Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?

That’s the name of the novel that spawned Blade Runner. And with AI hysteria running amok and writers using a false narrative as a crutch it’s easy to get carried away.

But a computer is in essence nothing but a series of switches. Is anyone really worried about light switches becoming “sentient “?

Only the human heart determines our future. Read the heart and no amount of deep fakes can fool you. The truth is always there to be found.

Threads: A Million Six

07/21/23

“A million six!?”

From Steve Martin where he enters heaven and finds out how man times he said ‘godamn’. Laughed my ass when first heard it and still do.

Antichrist George W Bush said he consulted a “higher father” aka God in deciding to rape and butcher Iraq. Now THAT’s taking the Lord’s name in vain!

He has yet to publicly come clean on his motivations and repent his decision. As an unrepentant and unclean spirit he can paint all the soldier pictures he wants, won’t make a bit of difference.