The Boy Who Kept His Finger In The Dike (Modern Version)

Aw, shit! Another one!

"Hey there, boy. Think you're a hero, don't you?"

"Course I'm a hero! Got me finger in the dike, saving the day I am!"

"And what of the next crack?"

"What of it? I'll put another of me fingers in that too!"

"And the next and the next and the next?"

"Now you're just being negative. We don't need you, Mr. Negative. Go away!"

Mr. Negative entered the local pub for a pint. "That boy with the finger in the dike is not seeing the whole picture."

The mob agreed. "Ya got that right! Ain't nothin' wrong with that dike. Ain't nothin' needin' fixin'." "That boy is creating drama from the minutest of things. Liberal parents, I'm sure." "More like Commie parents trying to reach into our pockets for repairs don't needing to be made."

"But won't you all die if the levee breaks?"

"We are men of faith, good sir. The Lord our God would never let such a thing happen. You don't see us drowning, do you?"

"Not yet."

"Not yet? We must ask you to leave, sir, and take your negativity with you. It is offensive to the ears of God!"

In the town square could be heard a raging argument between two groups. On the right were those who insisted the dike was fine and perfect and on the left were those who supported the boy who kept the dike from breaking. Each side argued as if their lives were at stake, one insisting they do nothing, the other insisting they do something. Then Mr. Negativity spoke.

"You're both wrong. Neither denial nor half-measures will save you. The very foundation of the dike is broken and irreparable. It must be rebuilt from scratch even if it causes the entire village to move. I am a surveyor and found this to be fact."

The news did not go over well.

"He's just trying to be a false hero!" screeched the dike boy's parents.

"He's got an agenda, he does! Could care less about reality!" screeched the reality denialists.

"He's trying to profit from our misery!" screeched the profiteers.

"He's a blasphemer before God!" screeched the blasphemers.

Around and around it went, each accuser hoping to exorcise their sins by blaming the surveyor. In this way the villagers hoped to bless themselves and ensure their future - even as it did just the opposite. The two groups united in a conservative effort to run the surveyor out of town. They then congratulated themselves on their maturity for "reaching across the aisle" to work together. A celebration was being planned when the levee broke and the entire village was washed away. The surveyor watched from a distance.

"Why does anyone think they can live outside the truth?"

This song would have been glorious in my movie