The Rehabilitation Of Judas

The faces aren't even close but then again Da Vinci wasn't there.

"God is an assassin!"

"Judas! That is blasphemy!"

"What else am I to think if we are made in God's image? The love, the miracles, everything! All just to end up in murder, plain and simple."

"But it's not plain and simple. It's prophesied!"

"Don't hand me any of that prophecy garbage. This isn't some inescapable act of Nature. It's a choice by men, no two ways about it."

Each disciple had always known on some level of the coming ultimate doom. Only Judas had held out hope it would not come, that Jesus would announce an unseen hope for Mankind. It was Judas who loved Jesus' work the most and took delicious delight in the truths he shared. See? The world doesn't have to be this way! We can all live if we choose! But now that entire effort seemed for naught.

The rest of the disciples were in awe of Judas' effortless and instantaneous grasp of reality and felt challenged by his visceral assertion. To say this was meant to be was a lie. But they also felt something else, a sense of disconnect and an inner discontent within Judas. Now that Jesus formally announced his coming death, something snapped inside Judas and the dam that held back his conservative waters finally broke.

Judas wandered off. "What a load of goat shit this is. What's the point of anything?" In the past, Jesus' sparring with the faithless religious leaders gave Judas a special satisfaction. He clearly saw it as a triumph of the Truth as the leaders' falseness was exposed and they walked away in bitter torment. Some of the other disciples were doubtful of Jesus' rebuke of institutions that were ordained to represent God. But they quelled their doubts with some effort even as Judas was laughing at these special exchanges of dialog.

Now the roles had reversed. With the announcement it was plain to see that every man who tells the truth could also expect crucifixion. "How the hell is that sustainable? Let every person die who tells the truth and the whole planet dies! Is that Your plan, God? To let everyone die? That with endless love comes endless cruelty?"

Judas was well aware - and saw for himself - what Jesus foresaw. He knew Mankind was setting itself up for a great and horrible crash without recourse. And that left unattended the planet would become extinct. But there would be divine intervention, the world made whole, and the destroyers gone forever - but all at a terrible, terrible price that permanently and forever brands the human mind. "Why must we pay this price??"

That's when Judas broke faith. "Piss on it. If God wants Jesus to win then God is going to have to get off His ass and do something about it! I'll go to those dark priests and let them buy me so they'll be satisfied to my motives. Then I'll hand over Jesus and we'll see who gives a shit then." Judas could find no error in his logic yet a voice still screamed within him: "You can't do that!" And despite the fact he deemed his plan faultless and pure and in accordance with The Way, he hid it from the other disciples who would certainly oppose it.

Only after the fact did Judas realize his mistake. Till the end of time he'd forfeited his inheritance in the kingdom of God. He'd set himself up as God, separating himself from his reward. Who was he to be angry with Nature? Hadn't he spent his entire life knowing and believing in the joy of Her justice? But irrational anger and stubborn baseless negativity claimed his ultimate loyalty. He knew he'd done it - betrayed his savior - but if asked, he could not answer why, even to himself.

"And they called me the smart one."

"The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him.

But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man!

It would be better for him if he had not been born."

Most of us are betrayers. It happens every time we lie to ourselves, when we sell out from fear or weakness, when we call the Important unimportant and the unimportant Important, twisting truth to suit ourselves. I've even refused things I wanted in an effort to "prove" myself correct in my so-called righteous anger. Where does this insanity come from? One thing we do know: to fear the consequences of said behavior.

"Jesus asked Judas to betray him!" I hear this said with a smug cleverness of supposed insight and a twinkling eye that winks, Bet you never thought of that! Responsibility is the fabric of the universe and through it all things can be surmised. Anyone who says Jesus asked Judas to betray him is not interested in taking responsibility. What they are trying to do is justify their own betrayal even if it is done on the laughable premise your fellow man can give absolution. It ain't gonna be your next door neighbor to whom you answer on judgement day.

Love is really hard - and no truth exists outside of it.