Don't Feed The Cat!

The sign said: "DON'T FEED THE CAT"

"Oh, my God! Why is that cat in a cage? Somebody needs to feed him!" she cried.

"This is your first time in town. Nobody feeds the cat," he explained.

"Nobody?? But he's completely helpless in there."

"Must be his own fault all I can say."

"People just walk by every day in this town square and let him suffer? That's appalling."

"You think too much."

"What's wrong with you people? I've never seen anything so heartless."

"What's heartless about it? What's one life more or less?"

"Well, what if YOU were kept in a cage and left to starve as everyone walked by?"

"It's not me so it doesn't matter."

"Have you no sense of justice?"

"I'm not much into philosophy."

"Justice is not a philosophy. It's a need."

"Why can't you just relax and enjoy the beautiful day?"

"How can I relax when I know this poor animal is suffering?'

"Have you tried golf? Works for me."

"You know what? You're hopeless. I'm going to find out what's going on here if it's the last thing I do."

"OK, I'll meet you back at the house."

"Don't bet on it."

"What's that supposed to mean? You saying I can't stick my dick in you anymore?"

"Igor gets a clue."

"Just because some cat's in a cage I get my nooky cut off!?"

"Them's the breaks."

"Fuck that! That makes NO sense! Where's the justice in that?"

"I don't do philosophy."

"Sex isn't a philosophy, it's a need!"

"Try golf instead. Don't forget to grip your club hard!"

"You know what? You're just a selfish bitch who doesn't give a damn about anything as long as she gets her way!"

"Better hurry or you'll miss your tee time. Bye!"

The muttering ex wandered off into thorn bushes to cry. Her inquiring mind continued.

"Sir, can you please tell me why this cat is in a cage? It's so cruel and irresponsible."

"Just what are you trying to say? How dare you impugn my integrity in front of my wife and children."

"But surely you can't agree to this!"

His wife took exception. "My husband is a good man! He'd never allow anything cruel or irresponsible. And not only that I hate your purse!"

The family stormed off, the two children flipping her the bird as they passed by.

"They're raising them to be monsters." Then a teenage girl walked by.

"Hey, surely you don't want to see this cat suffer?"

"Oh my, of course not! I signed a petition on a Facebook page to feed him. It was, like, so totally responsible."

"But you could just go ahead and feed him yourself."

"What for? I already did my part. Besides, I gotta go now. I promised blow jobs to the whole football team!"

"Can't anyone answer my question why this cat is in this cage unfed?"

A political activist was perturbed by the question. "Nobody feeds the cat. Duh!"

"Why, 'duh'? I think it's outrageous."

"Outrageous? It's you who is outrageous! If everybody is not feeding the cat then everybody can't be wrong so it must be OK. Who are you to think you're right and everyone else is wrong."

"I shouldn't have to say anything. It's obvious what the right thing to do is."

"Did you vote?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"DID YOU VOTE?"

"No, I don't even live here."

"Then you have no right to complain! End of discussion."

"Did the president say the cat should be freed?"

"Of course not and I would not have voted for him if he had. He doesn't go around upsetting people like you do. He's responsible."

"He's just telling you what you want to hear so he can get elected! There's nothing responsible in that."

"Such arrogance! If you want to change things then you need to get elected. Shouldn't be a problem if you're as right as you say you are."

"You just want someone who agrees with you."

"Don't you?"

"Not if I'm wrong."

"Good luck with your campaign. HAHAHA! Loser!"

By this time a crowd had gather around, shooting darts from all directions.

"She's a troublemaking terrorist radical!"

"What's radical about wanting to feed a cat - especially when you've imprisoned it."

"If it's in a cage it must be for a good reason."

"Like what?"

"It's not our place to question why. We leave that to people lots smarter than us. You should too! It's the right thing to do."

"But it's a perfectly fine thing to feed this poor kitty."

"You're using up all your political capital, lady. You need to come up with kosher sounding logic that doesn't upset anyone and sell yourself as a great person to get your point across."

"Fuck if I do! You people are perfectly capable of knowing right from wrong."

"If the cat is in a cage then it must be evil and therefore to feed it or free it would be a perfectly evil thing to do. What kind of message would that send?"

"It's sends the message you're a living, thinking human being."

"On the contrary, I've read 4,200 books and published 800 essays on my deep knowledge and study of morality. I think we can safely say you have not which means you speak from a place of ignorance."

"You can keep all your clever arguments and phony reasoning. I'm buying some cat food and I'm going to feed this cat!"

"That we cannot allow."

"And just why is that?"

"It simply isn't done. And if you were to do it it would paint us in the light of destructive terrorists who rip apart the fabric of society on a pathological death trip. Since we know that is not who we are then it must be who you are."

"If the shoe fits, wear it! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to buy some cat food!"

***

A week later another couple walked through the town square. "Oh my God, they've got that woman in a cage and they're not feeding her."

The man shrugged. "They must be doing it for a reason. None of our business."