Elmer sat on his front porch forlorn and stroking his shotgun. He didn't get to fire his gun "no more" and that cut him to the core. Each day he pined away for his glorious shotgun blasts of the past, the "only times I done felt alive." But no more chances came his way. "God has done turned His back on me!"
His insides boiled night and day but relief never showed its face. He prayed for death but death would not come. Tortured for all eternity, he rocked back and forth in his chair in nonstop dread, pleading for just one more chance to live.
Like an endless loop, he replayed in his mind the few, sweet moments of his shotguns blasts of yore. Never had he felt such feelings of satisfaction as he did at those times! Energy surging through his veins, his drowning heart breathing the free air and his imprisoned soul let out of his cage - just one more time, please!
He could see the face of Light now, strolling into his front yard, beaming with happiness and the eagerness of one who brought good tidings. The Messenger from God had been sent with news of the Truth - truth Elmer long prayed to hear. He heard it would set him free and he knew without freedom only death awaits. What a feeling to see a dream come true! Elmer's eyes closed on the front porch, immersing himself in the sound of the messenger's voice once more.
"Elmer! News for all time! Mankind is good! There's no need for war at all!"
Real Jesus aint got no Les Paul!
"Is that right?" mocked Elmer, picking up his shotgun. "Well, whadda ya think now!" And a furious blast destroyed the Messenger, sending him back to where he came from. "No need my ass! People is evil. Ya GOTTA kill 'em!"
Elmer was on a high for days afterwards, bragging to his friends how he showed that "so-called savior what's what!" How he gave him "an education he won't forget!" And that people like the Messenger "just don't got no sense of reality." Elmer played the role of the dutiful hero. "I was protecting my family, I was. Sorry that poor bastard had to learn things the hard way, but that's the way he wanted it. He done asked for it!"
Now Elmer had himself a fierce love of God. The Good Book was his guide and he "takes it right personal" when disparaging remarks are spoken against the Word. Elmer and his other God-fearing buddies went on hunting parties against the "enemies of God!" because "some people just need killing! They don't know the truth!"
Elmer don't hold for them kind of shotguns
But nothing angered Elmer more than a "godless heathen" who claimed God did not exist at all. Had he not seen with his own eyes his prayers answered? No one could take away what he knew to be true. It galled him how "folks is betrayin' God by pretending He don't exist - when I know for a fact He does!" Elmer's initial act of faith in bringing the Messenger caused him to speak with great authority and none could stand against him.
Those days were long gone now as the fading sun cast haunting shadows upon his deck. "Why don't God speak to me no more?" he fretted. Was that one wonderful moment of living life never to return? As much as Elmer had enjoyed killing the enemies of God, it was like any other drug, leaving him empty in the end, unable to feel. And as his feelings disappeared, so did his satisfaction, his shotgun god fruitless in its search for an answer.
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CODA: God sat with a vexed face before his computer. He read Elmer's email: "Dear God, Can I please, please shoot your Messenger one more time? I'll do anything You say if You just give me this one thing! I'm ready to be tested, Lord!" But right as God hit the Delete key, his PC crashed with the blue screen of death. "Damn Me for making Bill Gates!" God leaned back in His chair and sighed, covering His face with His hands. "These dang humans! It's so hard to communicate with them!"
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