My brain hurtz!
I's dumm shit. Dummer'n a rock! Dumm as all get out, I is! I jess don't knows nothing me brain be so empty. Now, don't get me rong now, I tries hard, I tries waaay hard to get sumpthin out this brain o' mine but...nuttin...zero...nada. Thay tells me I can't be no sheeple and I got to fix the whole world and everythin' in it but dang, that a tall order thar son! Peepls jess don't understand about me brain, it just tain't good for nuttin. I's so ashamed.
What really be godawful is I can't find one perp being dummer'n me - not a one!! But I can't git five minit sleep without someone or another slappin' me upside the head sayin I gotta say sumpthin on how things is and wotnot and I's like 'A feller's gotta get his sleep too!' but they all hoppin' mad not givin a feller any peace at all. Peeple wot got no peace in 'em, well, guess they got none to giv either...
So I starts to lissen in on the smart folks but no ways I can keep up. See? I's not smart enuf to knows when to send peeples to die cuz I's can't see the cause fer it. And me mind jess ain't got the knowin's of when peeples s'possed to able to be eatin' and when they ain't cuz i figger everyone oughts to be eatin' all the time. An' I jess don't got the smarts to tell a man iffen he wants to go buildin' cars and stuff that he ought'n be alloud to do it. I's jess lucky them smarts folk can figger it all out cuz I sees them sending peepls off to die and not lettin 'em have no food and makin' 'em sits at home doin' nuttin when I knows they wants to be doin sumpthin.
Sorry, but I's jess dumm like dat.
That what has to be?
But I wants to be pullin' me wait n such so I asks these three fellers wot all how we can be fixin' this world of hurt of our'n. But dagnabit if thay jess don't clam rite up and not let me knows nuttin! They goes like:
"Can't help ya, man. Gotta figure it out for yourself."
"There is no answer! The world is freaking hopeless!"
"Man, that's way too heavy a question for the likes of me. That's for someone smarter than me to figure out."
Me eyes get wide as saucers on that las fella's remark and I asks if he dumm as a rock like me! Be he get all pouty lookin and jess raise up his fist with one finger stickin' up. I takes that to be ruud but I cant let that be stoppin me from sayin's whats on me mind cuz them dam head slappers won't let me rest till I do.
"Well, doncha think we's be whole lot better off if we starts to buildin' stuff up around luv cuz thar don't seem to be no livin' wit all da hate in da world."
Suddenly, they gets real smart on me and wot they not knows a minit ago pops in their brain like a lightnin' bolt! "Love? That will never work, you idiot. I don't know what the answer is, but I know it's not LOVE!"
Sorry, but I's jess dumm like dat.
We made jess to crucify?
So that get me ta wonderin': jess wot is we anyways? Maybe if I knows xactly wot we is I can knows wots best to be dun. (all dis thinkin' hurtin me brain, tho!) So I goes back to the three wize man askin' them jess wot peeples made of.
"We are what we make ourselves independent of an unknowable reality."
"We are nothing more than fish with elongated fins. So who knows what is right and wrong."
"It's impossible to know who we are! No one can know!"
That last fella just gots to be me cuzin or sumpthin' but darn if I ain't all kindz of confused all over again. I ain't never been able's to figger how me soul gonna be happy when I ain't gots no luv in me and I be wantin' it bad! So I ask them maybe iffen we aren't really luv after all. And darnd iffen that lightnin' bolt don't strikes them agin! "Love? Of course we aren't love, you idiot. I don't know what we are, but I know it's not LOVE!"
Sorry, but I's jess dumm like dat.
We can't do no better then this?
It's hard beein' dumm. Harder then the hardest rock wot ever been hard! I's don't know why the good Lord dun give me this life wot with this dumm dumm brain o' mine! I got all kindz of sad in me now all balled up and cryin' cuz thar ain't gotta be no luv in da world and thar ain't gott be no luv in us so wot we doin' here anyways?? Help me brain! You got no anssers in ya atall!!!! So I has to ask them peeps one more times jess wot dis life thing be.
"Life is whatever life is."
"Life is to be endured and then forgotten as we return to cosmic particles never knowing why."
"Why ask questions that can't be answered?"
But thems the ones that started all the queschun askin'! Is it my fault me brain be wot it is? Did the good Lord do me rong and not make me head rite? Iffen da Lord be likin' me at all, I figgers He gots some sorta plan for me even wit dis brain o’ mine. It's some bad bad thots thinkin' otherwize, so I jess has to tell them boyz dat life just gotta be luv! "Love? Of course life isn't love, you idiot. I don't know what life is, but I know it's not LOVE!"
Sorry, but I's jess dumm like dat.
So I's dun asking queschuns!!!!! An it don't seem no one want much to talk me no mores anyway. Thay stops askin' ya to speek iffen they don' like wot you got to say. So I ain't sayin no more speshally sense I aint got no sense no how an' best keep me mouth shut. Funny - and this aint jess cuz they not be slappin' me upside the head no more - but I sleeps lots better now than afore I asked all them things. I jess don't knows wot ta think so I jess ain't gonna think nuttin at all wot them fellers told me.
But did notice sumthing strange 'bout them boys and I ask me buddy later jess who they mite be.
"Oh, them? They're the werewolves of London."
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Werewolves of London-A Tribute to Warren Zevon - The funniest home videos are here
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