Elmer Shoots a Libberul

"Damn, that felt good!" said Elmer, propping his rifle against the wall and settling into a rocking chair. "Much better now."

"Whatcha been up to, Elmer?" asked Leroy, already settled into his chair on the front porch.

"I went out and shots me some folks, Leroy. Yessur I did. Was a damn fine time it was!'

"Watcha shoot 'em fer?"

"Cuz they needed it!"

"Sher nuff, there be lots of folks deservin' of that..."

"Did you know there's people out there criticizin' the President of these United States??"

"And we in war time, no less! You ain't no patriot if ya's badmouthin' your country!"

"Them's exactly my thoughts too! You can't be lettin' traitors like that be runnin' around. Give 'em their way and the enemy'll do us all in!"

"That's a right fact, Elmer! Them kind got no sense at all. Not a brain in thar head."

"It's them libberuls, Leroy. They's just fuckin' up the whole lot of it." But then Elmer smiled. "Course, there be a few more less of 'em now!"

"Good on ya, Elmer! Somebody's gotta do it. You give whackos like that a chance there's no tellin' what sorta hell they'll cause!"


"Amen to that, brother! Like the Good Book says, don't stand for lettin 'evil live among ye."

"That's what I like about you, Elmer. You got common sense. Not like them bleedin' heart libberuls what just wants to go around huggin' everyone and making nice with evildoers."

"I heard me a crazy ass libberul woman on the radio comin' back. You know what this vile crap of female sez? She spits all sorts of psycho babble and whatnot preachin' how folks like us is just "projectin'" what we is on to others."

"But that's 'xactly what she's doin'!"

"Don't you know it! You know what it is, don'cha? They don't like us doin' God's work. You see how mad it gets 'em! That just shows ya how much they ain't right with the Good Lord."

"Fassists! That's what they is! Going around tellin' everyone how to think and what we should do and how we s'pposed to talk even! And then they gots the gall to get mad when we pick a few of 'em off!"

"Unbelievable, what it is! If we don't get all them libberuls the whole galldurn world's goin' to hell in a handbasket."

"What's wrong with them kind, Elmer? How comes they can't see the truth like we do?"

"They's diffrn't than us, Leroy. Tain't like us at all. That's what's wrong with 'em. Folks like that ain't ever gonna love folks like us."


"Yup, think you hit the nail right on the head. Ya can't reason with them kind. Thinkin' they know everythin' already! Just plain scary! How's someone gonna make the world a better place when they gots their mind locked up like that! Just won't lissen to any sort of sense!"

"Damn, Leroy! You got me all riled up again! I'm gonna shoots me some more of them bastards afore it's too late!"

"Good on ya, Elmer. I'm comin' with ya this time. We get twice as much that way."

"Why, thank you, Leroy. You is a good, good man. A fine fellow."

"You is mighty welcome, brother Elmer. Somebody's gotta fix this world. Might as well be you and me."

"Thank the Lord!"

"Oh, and hey, maybe we can take care of the ex when we gets back. She been pissin' the hell outta me lately!"

"That bitch!"