Welcome to Your hell, God!

Hey, God! Let's find out how YOU like living by YOUR rules! And don't forget: You're infallible! No questioning anything or getting angry, no bitching and moaning - it's all perfect! You made it! But if You ever do get in trouble, guess what? You can always pray to Yourself. Gee, I can't wait to see how that works out!

Wow, God, I see you keep clinching Your fists. You're all tight and tense and twisted? Yeah, I know why that is. You fucked up becoming incarnate! So much for that infallibility stuff, eh? See, what you need is Debby. That driving, pummeling, dear-God-please-kill-me anguish You're feeling will NEVER cease without her. Where is she? Oh, You got no shot at her. She decided to whore herself out to the banking community. That's her way through this world: a big house, social standing, total approval. You, You're so dumb You didn't even bring money. Your soul didn't see the need for it? Well then, maybe You could try having our souls have more of a say. Ever think of that?? Regardless, in the end, no matter what kind of decisions Debby makes, You're always going be stuck needing her. (What do You mean our souls already have final say?)

Here's what's got to be Your best rule: If out of a thousand people, one person is evil, he can screw it up for everyone. Sure, You did that so we'd keep evil purged, but what happens when everyone is an asshole? Then the innocent suffer for the sins of others. That'll teach 'em to be innocent! Just like those evil crack babies and AIDS babies. They must have done something wrong to be born like that! That's a heckuva a rule You got there God. Makes the world a better place, uh huh!

See this, God? This is Your god now. We call this an automatic rifle. Only the holy may carry one. And what do we have here but five of God's closest friends and family. Oh, You gonna pay for loving them! Bam! Got one in the leg. Hear that yelling and screaming in pain, God? Bam! Got another one. Sounds better in stereo! Say what? This is a nightmare for You, God? Well, gee, maybe You should try prayer. I'll just wait here while You go through Your list. Let's see, pray for the world, pray for peace, for our leaders, for our brothers, the two people I just shot and laughed at and, oh yeah, pray for Yourself. Done, now? Bam! Bam! Got two more. Must be God's will! Kiss my god's ass, God, if You don't want me to shoot the last one too.

What's that, God? You say You're getting hungry. Well, don't bitch, that's for You're own good! Here's the rule: If You wanna eat, you gotta clean all these bathrooms in this big, giant building for eight hours a day. Boring? I don't want to hear boring out of You! Shut the fuck up, you lazy asshole! If You don't like it, don't worry. God will save You! (If not, then You have no recourse! No wonder You gave us the word 'fucked'.)


Uh oh, God walked off His job. What a no good piece of shit He turned out to be, the irresponsible bastard talking about how He wants to "live life of His own accord with dignity". Who does He think He is? Well, boo-hoo, poor baby! No one here gives a flying fuck what Your sorry ass wants! Remember, God, being holy isn't enough. We live by God's rules here. So go off in that corner and sulk if You want, but in the meantime we're all going to come by and spit on You and tell You how worthless You are without a job. If You think that's wrong, just try stopping us!!

Look at God, He looks like hell! Liking life in the streets, eh God? Sucks, I know. In blackmail we trust! All this interdependency is supposed to teach us to get along so we can survive. Great idea - unless no one chooses to survive! What's that? No one listened when You told them the truth of their doom? Awww, that's a shame. But don't worry, You did the right thing. God will save You. Not!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


There go those fists again, God! All this stress got You needing a release, huh? Your whole insides twisted and tormented until You can't stand it anymore. Now that's something I never expected to hear: God asking mercy from Himself! Face it, God: You're outranked by nooky here. We start entire wars just to express the frustration. No one cares if You want to live. We're only interested if You're willing to die. What's that? You still don't get it, do You God? A good heart doesn't pay the rent and a clean soul doesn't stop You from needing Debby. Welcome to Your hell, God!

It's kind of cool when evil people can trump any good that's in the world. Gee, I wonder who made this world? Wasn't me. Oh yeah, it was that God guy! He's having fun now, sick and starving, trapped like a rat! Wanna get out of hell free card, God? Here, try this lottery ticket. If it wins, we'll let You live like a free man. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Godly even? Ooops, You lost. God is a loser. Loooooser! I'm a winner. I killed a man and got a Happy Meal for it. What ya think of that, God? I must be better than You because I live better than You! But don't worry about the guy I killed, I didn't do it directly. I just let him die in the street. I knew Your mercy would save him had he deserved otherwise.


Whoa, dude, You're one bitter God! You say we're a bunch a savages? So what! We don't! Oh please, stop! You're making me laugh too hard! OK, go ahead, take Your message of Love to the people - Jesus, this is funny - tell them how our dreams should count and to serve only our souls. Oh man, I got tears in my eyes I'm laughing so hard. Great plan You got there, God! Mind if I take a guess how it's going to turn out. They're going to tell you they are ALREADY perfect, so why change? Oh, so what You say is the truth? HAHAHAHAHAHA. That counts for NOTHING here.

Now there's a quote I can understand: "No one believes a word I say and everyone wants Me to die." I dunno, maybe there should be more to life than just living at the mercy of your neighbor. I'll give it to You when You say this is never what You had in mind. Big deal. It's chaos that rules the day. Predators living large. Insanity presented as truth. Where's the justice in this world of ours? We're leaving it all up to You but You never show. It's hell down here, God. Maybe next time we should think twice about handing our world over to a fallen angel. (What do You mean, God, why do we allow the pain and suffering?)