Suicide Is Painless

THE SCENE: Capt. Walter Kosciusko "Painless Pole" Waldowski - the best equipped dentist in the army - has decided his womanizing is merely a cover-up for homosexuality. Feeling he has nothing to live for, he can see only one way out: suicide. Painless seeks out his surgical friends for a quick and easy method. "Black capsule!" says Trapper John. Painless wonders if it will really work but is assured by Trapper, "It worked for Hitler and Eva Braun." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If I had a such a capsule, I would be mercifully dead right now. Those first feelings when I wake up in the morning - my true feelings I bury in the course of a day - are unbearable in their despair. My only way of functioning is to suppress the desire to live. Trudge my way through the forced labor required of me, lie about my need for friends and a family, pretend there is hope. Let's be honest: there is no possible future for me. Leaving you people will be the greatest joy of my life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Suicide is Painless" Music by Johnny Mandel Lyrics by Mike Altman Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be the pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see... [REFRAIN] That suicide is painless it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please. I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate without that ever-present hate but now I know that it's too late, and... REFRAIN The game of life is hard to play I'm going to lose it anyway the losing card I'll someday lay so this is all I have to say REFRAIN The only way to win is cheat and lay it down before I'm beat and to another give my seat for that's the only painless feat REFRAIN The sword of time will pierce our skins it doesn't hurt when it begins but as it works its way on in the pain grows stronger...watch it grin but... REFRAIN A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key is it to be or not to be and I replied 'oh why ask me?' 'Cause suicide is painless it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please ...and you can do the same thing if you please.