It happened with an unexpected sigh. She wasn't doing anything different from what she'd always done - never deviating from her lifelong formula for a successful life - when the bottom fell out. She hesitated as if in reply to the observing universe, then continued cleaning the pot from tonight's party. Guests were still in the living room but this was her ritual to have a clean kitchen after serving the meal. Then she'd rejoin all shiny and new.
My God! Will they notice the change in me?
Having happened, it wasn't as unexpected as she'd hoped. Part of her knew. Over the years, too many weights had been added to her burdens. Now, at last, she moved no more. She'd be a laughingstock, a fool for the ages, a sloth mocked by children with light in their eyes. The choke-hold on her heart extinguished the last hope of her unspoken dreams.
What happens now? she pretended not to know.
Outside of the hesitation, Kennedy had shown no outward sign of the devastating event that had just occurred. Do what you always do. Pray no one catches on. She asked God for help in hiding her truth.
Entering the living room to the assembled group it was if she were looking through a two-way mirror: she could see them but they could not see her. It terrified her to think this would be life from now on, viewing the world through a shaded window, skewing reality's perception. An earnest discussion was going on but she only wished to cry out for help.
You're supposed to be happy! What are you going to do: Tell them you've been lying all this time?
She sat down on the sofa as she expected a normal person would. She had trouble assimilating the words being spoken around her, as if she were a leaf stuck in a river who couldn't keep up. Her interest was elsewhere. She cursed God for not answering her prayer even as Heaven, facing an irreparable loss, wailed its concern for her.
Dear God, you don't expect me to break down and scream right here in front of everyone do you?? That's too much to ask! When the answer came back in the affirmative she decided that was the devil trying to trick her.
Kennedy forced herself out of her reverie. Who the hell cares what they're talking about. Some crap showing on TV. The world's going to do what the world's going to do. Get over it!
Kassidy was livid. "Cops are out of control! They flat our murdered that guy. Choked right to death in front of God and everybody. Unbelievable"
Scenes of protests flashed across the screen as open rage erupted across the nation. To Kennedy, it seemed as if everyone's dreams had suddenly died. She saw people crying out for help in hopeless drowning terror. All she knew for sure was she needed a hug. Instead, she hoped for someone on whom to blame her woes.
"They should all just shut up! None of that protesting does any good. Nothing's going to change. Only God can bring justice."
Karl, her husband, along with Kassidy and her husband KC, vehemently disagreed in a cacophony of backlash she did not care to hear - so she didn't. She retorted in equal conviction.
"You don't know all the facts! of me. Give that cop and me a chance to speak. Maybe things aren't what you think. You don't know what you don't know about me."
The debate continued with facts Kennedy felt irrelevant. She just hated the sound of people speaking so confidently of their position, like a judge's voice passing sentence. She too was upset in the extreme - she just couldn't tell anyone why.
That night in bed, she felt a tail growing from the small of her back. This frightened Kennedy more than Hell's fury and Heaven's wrath combined. She pushed it back in with the force of her hand, choking back the fears, holding back the years, lost in an unmapped wilderness. And this is how she slept for the rest of life, her mind disintegrating, begging for rest - and the world to be quiet.
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