I's Saving Da World!

Harry trynna be famous like me!

"Hey, Harry, I gots me a blog now jess like you has!"

"That's very special of you."

"An' guess what! I's saving da world jess like you!"

"Good deal. I was ready for the world to die anyway."

"Dat right! We gonna pull it off together. Guess wot I done did do??"

"Lord, punish me more."

"First thing I does, I puts this thing at top sayin' 'Wash Yo Hands!'"

"You're a real lifesaver."

"Dat's da fact, jack! And dat not all. Next I puts up a thing saying, "Stay da fuck home!" How dat for being responsible!"

"I'll have to start addressing you as 'Mahatma'."

"See wot you mean how great it feel sendin' out powerful messages to the peoples. Doin' the Lord's work we is!"

"Somebody certainly needs to."

"Now I's on a roll! So I puts up "Don't be racialist!" on there too. So by-dammit I be licking these racialist problems ev'ryone yappin' an' protestin' about!"

"I'm sure you're in the running for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"I aughts to be! Dis most fun I ever done had. I be tryin' new shit just like real folks does! Looks at me, I be woke! We gonna shake up da world!"

"Don't get your hopes up there, buddy boy. Nobody - and I mean nobody - reads the stuff I put out. See, there's millions of blogs out there, almost impossible to get noticed. It's good that you do this for own self, but don't expect anything to happen."

"Nah, man, dat's wot I been wantin' to tell ya! I has like actual million hits on it. It done gone virus! Peeps sayin' how great I is doin' what I doin', sayin' right thing, bein' all responsible an' shit. An', hell, I thought it be hard doing actual writin' but there ain't nuttin to it!"

"Well, uh, I...a million hits, eh? From mindless sloganeering?"

"Yes, suh! Got interviewin' line up an' everything. People wants to hear wot I gots to say! I shoulda done this years ago! How long you been doin' it, Harry?"

"Not sure, escapes me at the moment."

"Like fifteen year, ya'll tol' me afore!"

"Something like that..."

"Dang, it great bein' social responsibull. Nuttin' to it, really, I's still same asshole ever was. Thanks, Harry, y'all teached me everythin' I need 'bout dis - accept for da part 'bout not gettin' read."

"Glad I helped prick your social conscience. Good to know my life has purpose, after all. The future is saved."

"Ya got dat, right! I gots all sorts of stuff to save now. "Don't be killin whales!" is next. I feelin' da power!"

"Life sure has a sick sense of humor. Have a nice day, Mr. Trump."