Modern Tales: Car Codes

Every life before it's born is assigned a car code of some sort. Country to country, land to land, it varies. Here in the home of the knave, it's possible to have a very fancy car code such as the one I got: Ferrari. I know what you're thinking: You lucky dog! But not so fast.

Rare is it for someone to know their car code but mine came to me in a dream. I guess the universe needed to help me get unstuck. (Unfortunately, it still does.) It came to me clear as day, as real as the sun. To achieve a Ferrari would mean I'd achieved success, simple as that. So I started with the direct route. I stole one.

It's not easy to steal a Ferrari. All I can tell you for a hint is try hotels. But when I read up on stealing high end cars, it said to leave the car parked for three days to see if it's hot. No one comes for it, you're home free. But sure enough, I saw a police stakeout van monitoring the car, just waiting to nab me. Those tracking devices are tough to beat. Bottom line is, I didn't get nailed, but I lost the Ferrari.

Failure.

Next up on my search I found you can rent high end exotics. So I saved up my money and for an entire week I had my own Ferrari. I waved to God as I got in to make sure my success was noticed in Heaven. Was a great week but the aftermath was hell. The financial hangover was grueling and nothing magical happened during the week that allowed me to keep it. Not sure what I was thinking.

Failure.

I was starting to get a little worried. How the hell was I going to get a Ferrari in my lifetime. I hung around the Italian car club meets and I thought maybe if I could get a driver job in one I could fool God into thinking the car was my own. One thing I know now for certain: Ferrari owner don't let other people drive their cars EVER. Out of luck again.

Failure.

I was flummoxed and stymied and paralyzed. Now what the hell do I do. I don't know any rich people to help me out. Nor is there any reason for them to do so. It seems getting a Ferrari is as far away as the moon. I can see it, but never get there. I fell into a deep depression. When I ate it wasn't because I thought I had a future. I was just too chicken to die. How the fuck did God ever think I could own a Ferrari. If it's my destiny then why didn't one of my plans work?

So you see, had I car code of VW I'd been fine. Ferrari is not a blessing. It's a curse. I felt I had a scarlet "F" branded on me - only my F stands for Failure. I left the house as little as possible for fear of being seen. Paranoia's roots sprouted, reaching deep into my soul. Stands to reason: if I could find out my car code, so could others. Oh, God.

So I started my very own propaganda campaign. "I'm a Volkswagen bug guy!" Since that's what I drove, I had to prove that it was my Sign Of Success. There's all sorts of aftermarket accessories for bugs, of which I ordered many. That proves I'm into this car and I've achieved success! I was always trying to show it off to everyone, to impress them with my alleged satisfaction. It seemed to work.

This is me! No, really!

What they didn't see was my constant nightmares any time I closed my eyes. Goddamit, I can't escape the Ferrari car code! I'm doomed. All that's left for me is to keep up this charade and die before anyone finds out the truth. An ignoble goal, I know. But I see no way to escape my shame. My constant pleadings fall on deaf ears. If I'm here, then it's Ferrari or bust, no exceptions.

I let no one touch me or see me. It's forbidden by my state decree. Anyone gets in and finds out my car code I'm finished. I curse my Maker who does not understand I have no path to my so-called destiny; imprisoned for life. Just by virtue of remaining here, I've been forced to consider cruel thoughts, though. Perhaps there was a way and it was I who failed to understand. Oh, dear. Oh, very dear.

Much to my dismay, another angel spoke in my tormented sleep. "Pursue love and the Ferrari will come. Pursue the Ferrari and nothing will come."

Second part sure as hell was true! But that first part? How could that possible work? Don't I need the Ferrari to prove I deserve the love?