It's Good To Be King!

The [moronic] ancient Israelites said to Samuel, "Now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other [moronic] nations have."

The Lord replied, "Warn [the ingrates] solemnly and let them know what the king who will [fuck them] over will do."

This is what the king who will reign over you will claim as his rights:

"Don't worry, I'll send every kid
I got to protect your oil."

• He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots [like suckers to benefit oil companies. Afterwards, he'll jog with those missing body parts and laugh when they can't keep up.]

• Some will be generals and captains in his army, some will be forced to plow in his fields and harvest his crops, and some will make his weapons and chariot equipment. [You will be a nation beholden to a military industrial complex, crucifying your children and making war for no reason].

• The king will take your daughters from you and force them to cook and bake and make perfumes [so that he may keep alive the greedy way of life for the few at the expense of the many].

• He will take away the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his [Wall Street buddies].

• He will [mandate] a tenth of your grain and your grape harvest and distribute it among [insurance and pharmaceutical companies].

• He will take your male and female slaves and demand the finest of your cattle and donkeys [to serve the godless bankers above all else].

• He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves [thinking yourself 'free' even without hope for a living wage].

When that day comes, you will beg for relief from this king you are demanding, but then the LORD can not help you. [And in that darkness you will be surveilled, prosecuted and tortured by rendition to the Hittites if any complaint is heard by the king or his feared men. The voices of liars and hypocrites will rise to the top as your society will be based on their precepts. The longer you try to keep the falsehood of a king alive your nation will weaken until it vanishes from the face of the earth and you are made susceptible to holocaust.]

But the people refused to listen to [reason]. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us [to make us his bitch and whom we can blame when things go wrong because we make such obviously stupid decisions.] Then we will be like all the other nations [who we conquered only by the grace of God], with a [self-serving] king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles [and also because thinking for ourselves hurts too much.]

The LORD answered, "Listen to [this suicidal people] and give them a king..."