Therapy Man Meets a Man In Need!

I'm alright!

It's good to be fixed! And it's good to have Answers. We like answers in this world of ours. Nice, simple ones to quell our disturbing minds. "Get thee to a therapist!" we like to say. And to hell if it really works for everyone or not.

Therapy just makes me want to go back to smoking pot. I heard it's improved in the last twenty years.

But sheep that I am, I succumb to peer pressure, put on a happy face and claim to be fixed. Gosh, just like being home all over again. Meet the new parent, same as the old parent. But secretly, way down deep inside, I still think ya'll are a bunch of lying, cocksucking assholes. But I don't say anything because I need a job. (Is that why you require jobs, so people will speak well of you even when undeserved?)

So dear friends I got the chance to put your alleged reality to the test yesterday when I passed some poor bastard hanging on the side of a cliff, moaning and groaning. "He needs therapy!" I thought. Hold on, dude, wisdom is just a word away!

"Help me! I'm going to die!'

"Shit, man, I know that feeling. It sucks! But one thing you need to know: you're not alone!"

"Aren't you going to help me the fuck out of here??"

"Sorry. I'm not the fixing lives business. You're on your own, pal."

"Heeeeelp!"

"Have you tried deep breathing? That helps."

"Deep breathing? Are you an idiot?"

"Name calling helps nothing and is an indication of immaturity. Here's a chance for you to grow up and listen to someone else."

"Deep breathing won't save me! I can't hold on forever."

"That's future-thinking! Stay in the now."

"Do you know what the word 'need' means? I need help. I can't get out of this position without help. Who can survive without their needs being met?"

"Interesting philosophy!"

"It's not philosophy! It's reality!"

"Oh, who's to say one person's version of reality is more true than another's? Tell me, have you tried prescription medications?"

"How can I call a doctor from here! I can't even move. My hands are killing me!"

Are you on any prescription medications?

"Precisely why medication will help. You're holding on to your pain. Meds will help you feel nothing at all."

"That's a total denial of reality!"

"Da Nile is a river in Egypt! Hahahaha!"

"You're mad!"

"No sir, you're projecting yourself onto me. Laughter's good for the soul!"

"This is not the time for laughing!"

"Dude, you can't keep feeding your negativity like that. No one's going to want to be friends with a sourpuss. C'mon, gimme a grin!"

"Your words are wasting time. I'm losing my grip listening to them!"

"Refusing therapy will most certainly cause you to lose your grip. Frankly, I don't know how you ever expect to feel better without diligent compliance."

"I just need a hand out of here."

"Now if I give a hand to you, then I'll have to give a hand to the next guy, and the guy after that and pretty soon there'll be no time left for me!"

"I'm so confused! Why are saying these things to me?"

"Therapy will help with your confusion."

"Fuck you! You don't understand anything!"

"Well, I certainly don't have to stand here and listen to that! I'm setting boundaries with you until you change your attitude. That is best for both you and for me."

"I hate you! I hate my life! I hate this whole fucking world!"

"Just not going to change that negative self-talk are you? OK, I give up. I see perfectly clear what you need now."

"Yes! Finally!"

"What you need is someone to talk to."

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Strap your hands across my engines